I'm a newbie

Hi i'm a newbie and very confused and feeling very low so will be asking lots of questions. I seperated in January with a view to getting back together - it won't be happening unfortunately. My main concerns are the children and gaining parental responsibility (at least for the short term) so anybody that has any experience of that i'd be glad of some advice.

Many thanks.

loopy67,

you dont say if you are married or not, should you be the father and you married the mother of your children then you automatically have PR. should you not be married then its something you have to apply for, i dont know whats involved keep looking around wikivorce forums as there's lots of help out there.

best wishes

Sorry to expect you to mind read! I'm Mum and yes been married for 17 years. I need to ensure my children's physical and emotional safety. He belittles them, calls them names and has no concept of what they need emotionally. I think he is drinking and driving although proving this would be very hard - my son is 11 and he has only ever taken him out alone 3 times, my daughter never. He lies, steals and cheats and has zero remorse or empathy. He fits the definition of a psychopath precisely. Will mediation help us draw up an agreement or do I stand a chance of getting sole parental responsibility. I do not want to stop him seeing his children but I do need to ensure their safety.

oh, sorry, so when you mentioned gaining parental responibility you actually mean custody. Two seperate things entirely...
Firstly, im sorry to hear that this man isnt behaving as a father / husband should be...
I would definately seek some form of legal advice (first hour is always free) this would give you a better idea of where to go with this.
If seeing a solicitor is not for you right now, then you will find lots of info on here and lots of other people are in the same position as you...
Its commendable that you are not trying to hinder contact betwen your children and their father, there are a lot out there who do this just to spite..and you seem to have good reason.
Anyway, that is certainly not the way forward though i agree if you think youre children are as risk when he has them then this is an issue that needs resolving now.
Good luck with it all and remember 1st hour is free with any solc.

Longroad

Thank you. I have a free session booked with solicitor on Friday. This is the beginning of a long road I fear.

Hi Loopy

Married parents have joint responsibility for their children. As to where the children live following separation and divorce is then up to the parents, with court intervention if required. Also the older the children, the more weight the court give to the children's wishes.

But you do not have to go to court, although sometimes it is unavoidable. If you do go to court things get very expensive!

You talk about sole parental responsibility but I think want you actually want is for the children to live with you, and their father to have regular contact, but potentially no overnight stays? If he would agree with that, then mediation may work, but financially this arrangement would mean he would be liable for more child maintenance if you go through the CSA.

Good luck

S

My children have emotional needs over and above other children as they are adopted and have been through emotional traumas in their lives.

My son (10) is also Autistic and has a long list of difficulties so I am partically worried about how or who would question him and if it isn't presented in a way he understands his responses may not be reliable. I caught my husband whisper to him once he was "special needs". If he does that within ear shot of me what does he do when i'm not there and what effect is this having on my emotionally fragile children.

I do want him to see the children, but I don't think his imagination would reach further than the local club and that means my husband will drink and that means my children's safety will be compromised when he brings them home. Could a court order he was not allowed to drink any alcohol when he was with them?

My husband and I had an agreement that his parents would not have an influencing part in my children's lives. They have only ever seen them about 4/5 times a year for a 1-2 hour visits. They are homophobic, zenophobic, racist and incapable of showing affection or love to my children - it's all about keeping up appearances only. He will surely deny this agreement now and I cannot allow my children to be around them any more than they are now.

My husband, a true psychopath, will say what he thinks everyone wants to hear (that includes our social workers who have seen right through him thank goodness) with no connection emotionally. He is Mr Charm personified - how can I make a court see through this? Could there be a psychological evaluation?

I truly don't want to be spiteful or nasty to my husband, I never want him to stop being a part of the children's lives. But, right now he is incapable of being an effective parent - I hope one day he can get help and heal himself. But, my children deserve more and I have to protect them or we will both have failed them.