Separation - Fresh Pain

Jeff

My wife of 18 years had an affair with a bloke who made her laugh, he had no kids, no house, no stress.

She has now left me and the kids for him. In retrospect she decided that she wanted out of the marriage commitments and didn't bother to talk to me. I used to make her laugh before we both got wrapped up in kids and work. I changed to work from home so she could do more of her work

I don't want to judge, but it if your marriage wasn't working and your wife wasn't doing it for you, did you talk to her about the issues and give her a chance to have things like 2 hour conversations or did you just slip into accepting the situation?

It is hard to work/impossible to repair a marriage where there is a third person involved!

S

Have you talked to your wife about all this and if so, what did she say?

Does she want to make a go of it?

I am just wondering, whether you would have left if you hadn't met this other woman.

Meeting other people is inevitable if you work away from home but what I can't understand is, if you were that unhappy, why didn't you talk to your wife and tell her this before finding another job?

Ok, I'm the wife that was left under very similar circumstances to yours.

My feelings? Well. Stbx didn't even give us a ghost of a chance because another person was already involved.

I would have felt better if we had had a chance at counselling, talking or marriage guidance before him making the decision that it was all over. I think having another person available for him emotionally acted as both a distraction and an emotional crutch. How could I hope to compete with the emotional and chemical high of a new relationship?

I would be very careful about introducing another person into the mix so soon.

As for the family days out - well, who will you be kidding? I think you will be giving your children false hope and confusing your wife.

But that is just my opinion.

no! is the short answer, 3 mins max

yeahdid all that, did the working from home bit, i was just used an events organiser and a chauffer for the trip to tescos!! we have stumbled along and now my son is leaving school for a career in the merchant nay I felt now was the time to initiate the inevitable.

going bowling with the kids this sunday, they just asked in thier mum can come, of course i said yes! i dont like agro

Please dont do it. I met someone who made me laugh and was great to be around. I was having an unhappy time at home and he came along and I thought the sun shone out of his backside.
When my Husband found out I realised how much I had destroyed my family. I hurt him terribly along with my children, my parents, family & friends,and myself. To me he was just a friend.
Its an awful feeling to have people look at you in that way, knowing you caused your family so much hurt.
I just wish I could have told my Husband about my unhappiness before I went & ruined it.
Please try and put everythign you have got into making it work. But in the meantime tell your friend you have to give it a chance. If it dont work then you could always meet up again some time, when the time is right to do so.

If you feel as you do why have you asked for a trial seperation and not a divorce? Surely you are giving everyone false hope?