Separation - Fresh Pain

I have been married for 21 years and have 2 children, 19 and 16. I am away from home all week and sometimes am only at home on a Saturday night. Over the past 2 or 3 years my wife and I have drifted apart and I have reached the point where, on Monday I announced that I wanted to be away from home and wanted a trial separation. My wife was shocked and had not realised that the constant bickering, lack of respect and playing second fiddle to the TV remote was an indication of an iminent marriage break up. My daughter accused me of being a coward and vowed never to speak to me again if I didnt come home, she later retracted it saying she had been very upset. I had asked my wife not tell the children until I could meet them and explain. My son, 16 was fantastic, saying that he wanted me to work things out but said that whatever happened he would always be my best mate and my son (which made me cry).

The problem I have is that my children are asking for me to do things with them ALL and act like a family and I just can't give them any false hope. I have met another woman but am not leaving for her, the relationship with her is new, and has not reached any state of intimacy.

I really need some aadvice on how to prepare my kids for the worse but at the same time explain that it doesnt mean that it is 100% certain our marriage is over.

I know I have done the right thig but dont kow if I have done it the right way. Any help or advice would be appreciated.

Hi
having another woman around to use as an emotional crutch doesn't give your marriage a fighting chance and it seems to me you have already made your decision, don't suppose you thought to mention new friend to any of the family.
I sorry for you mate, I think you are going to miss the chance of a reconciliation by contaminating your trial separation with said crutch.
Hold onto your hat, your n for a bumpy ride.
Mickwilz

Jeff,

Difficult situation to find yourself in, but in my honest opinion perhaps you have moved to the next stage too quickly?

You have told your wife you wanted a trial separation, you have met someone else (but your marriage isn't 100% over) How do you stop yourself from giving the kids false hope? And all this since Monday. Your post sounds like you have already moved on. I'm sorry if I'm reading it wrong, but it really does.

Your children will be hurt regardless, they are practically adults and will understand the breakdown of an adult relationship. They won't like it because it is their parents they are having to watch go through it.

Is there really no chance that you can sit and talk to your wife and sort things out?
If you look at things from her perspective, she spends all week alone, perhaps only seeing you for one day. She raises the children alone (emotionally) and when you are home she has to share any quality time she could have with you with the children. And if you have become emotionally involved with another woman, you will probably be emotionally/physically distant with your wife.
You mention the lack of respect and the bickering, but is this really only one sided?

I don't think that you can prepare the children, the only thing you can do is be there for them and reassure them that no matter you still love them and will always be their dad.

Wishing you all the best

Kimmi
x

Hi, no the bickering isnt one sided and its been going on for a couple of years, in fact the reason I took a job that took me away from home was the fact I was unhappy. I am pretty sure the marriage is indeed over but want to make the kids understand that sometimes these things happen and they turn out to for the best, insomuch, the parents actually begin to get on better when they are not married and then actually provide a happier environment for the kids. Having said im leaving, do i still go on the 'family days out' or will this just raise false hopes on the side of the kids

didnt realy think about the amotiional croth thing, the 'other woman provides me with fun, makes me smile, laugh and is smart, intelligent and can hold down a telephone conversation with me for 2 hours (every night).

You are right about me having pretty much already made the jump, i just want to make tnigs easier for the kids and try and help them understand that I will be around as much if not more than I am now and will always love them.

Sorry but do you hold down telephone conversations with your wife for 2 hours every night when you're away?

Jeff,

What can I say, I can't really comment anymore because I was the wife that my husband couldnt' talk to anymore because of another woman.

I'll bow out now before I say something I shouldn't.

Best of luck

Kimmi