Well the forum says Introduce yourself..

Hey Smym

I found this site by accident to and thank god I did.

When I came onto here in January, my world had just crashed, I had kicked my X out after finding some not so savoury information about him and what he had been up to.

This site has been a life-saver to me and I know I keep saying it but its true. Ive met alot of wonderful people on here, some have helped me through the darkest hours and some are just plain funny.

So I hope you have luck on here and hopefully you'll meet some great wikis.

Best wishes to you.

Helli

Firstly a big hello. Having only been here for 24hrs myself I already feel better, amongst friends, it is a relief to find I can see so many others in the same boat. You will definitely find support here. Ian.

Thanks again guys...

I have stated earlier that I have been absolutely through the emotional rollercoaster...

From the affair discovery through the wanting her out to wondering how I could survive without her and wondering all the time if things had indeed stopped...

I desperately wanted things to be fixed but I needed an explanation, I needed to hear and for it to be genuiine 'I'M SORRY' over and over again, I needed regret to be expressed and I needed trust to be rebuilt....

None of which has happened...Her head is well and truly buried in the sand and her philosophy is if we don't mention it it will go away...

But that has backfired because I now no longer have an ounce of love left nor respect...
Also I am 100% happy and looking forward to the next chapter in my life(I could never have imagined this 9 months ago)

So is there a part of the site I can go to that tells me what I need to do in terms of me leaving or her leaving i.e. If I have to rent somewhere, do I need to keep paying the mortgage once I am gone...

HELP...I just need a final push !!!!

A lot of your questions can probably be answered by ourselves as a lot of us have been in similar situations.
Firstly, you are able to start divorce proceedings without moving out of the family home. Although its not the nicest situation to be in, it's always a possibility if renting is too expensive until finances are sorted.
Whichever one of you leaves there is no obligation for the absent partner to keep paying the mortgage if it is both names, or to pay for any bills. There may be a moral obligation if the repayments are too much for one partner to pay on their own but there is no legal obligation. However, either of you can still be held liable if the other one defaults.
You would also need to decide who your son lived with or how you would share his care. Your son will probably have an opinion on this but it's in your interests if you can sort this out amicably between yourselves. No matter who has done what in the marriage, the parent whom your son doesn't mostly live with will have to pay maintenance to the other.
Hope this helps to get the ball rolling!

Hi scaredgirl...

That does indeed help...thanks...

I know I have it in me to be amicable and work towards a seperation solution if we remained in the same house but I know absolutely my other half has not and it would get very unpleasant...

And as you mention our son is the important factor here and should not be subjected to unnecessary arguments etc...

So i'm guessing if she wont agree to an amicable split that I would just have to see a lawyer to force a sale of the home or for her to buy me out...

I have worked all my life to provide a fabulous home for us, she has gone and wrecked that ands I just want to get out and get my fair share...Nothing more, nothing less...

Hi Autumnsong,

Just a line on mortgages.
I imagine it is in both your names. If thats the case I would presume that you both have a contract with the mortgage lender.

Credit rating is important. Don't get a bad one by defaulting on the mortgage. It may affect your future loans / mortgages

Do you have joint bank accounts? Have you considered what you are going to do about that? Is your STBX overspending? If so, my solicitor advised me to seperate the finances. He was correct as my wife openly told me how much she enjoyed spending my money as she does not go out to work and took us hugely overdrawn, despite me asking her not to.

Good luck
Anthony

Each case depends on the individual circumstances and it is a good idea to see a lawyer early on and find out where you stand and what your options are. If you want the solicitor can write a preliminary letter stating you want a divorce and seek an amicable settlement and offer mediation as a way forward. Then it is a question of making interim arrangements.

Only the courts can force a sale of the property and before that all the jointly and solely held assets (including pensions) and debts accrued between the dates of marriage and separation need to be identified and valued. Then it is a question of negotiating to determine how the assets are apportioned and only then if an amicable agreement can't be reached will the matter go to court. It can take many months or even years to get that far.

It is a technicality but to avoid any doubt in Scotland under s1 Family Law (Scotland) 1985 there is a general legal obligation of 'aliment' between married spouses. However, once divorced periodic payments are not that common and normally would not extend beyond a 3 year period of readjustment.

There are relatively few court rulings in Scotland with most cases being settled between spouses or through solicitors haggling. Many cases are resolved with the help of a mediator working together with both parties to find a way forward that does the least damage to long term family relations.