New to site and in desperate need of support

Hi there, I've just joined and hope to get some support and understanding from others in the same position as me. My Decree Nisi is through so nearly there but my ex of over one year is making my life absolute hell. He hit me and cheated on me shortly after which is why we split up. Since then he has persecuted me, letting himself in the house and taking stuff despite being warned by my solicitor not to. He seems to know a lot about me and what I'm doing, he is difficult with childcare, he sends me on average 2 horrible texts a day. He has reduced my maintenance by putting in wrong info on CSA calculator so I'm going to take him to the CSA. He is threatening to sue my new partner for storing our new trailer in my garage (saying that he owns half the house so partner has to pay him rent). He wants to take the Child Benefit off me. He is threatening me with defamation of character, threatening to take a contact order out on our daughter. To be honest the list goes on and my solicitor says there is nothing I can do about any of it. Please someone help!! Getting very depressed and low with all of this.

Rosy

Sorry to hear of your situation. I know how hard it is when the ex picks fights, or does something unreasonable. The way I see it now is there are 2 ways to deal with it. You either soak it up, and try not to let it bother you, or you fight fire with fire and fight back. I now do both depending on the situation.

With regard to the specific points you mention, you cannot deny him access to the marital home without a court order, but you could always apply for a court order.

Charging rent for a garage is just being stupid. You have agreed the use of the garage and that is that!

How does he find things out about you, do you have a circle of mutual friends? Is he asking the children about you? Or do you feel he is following you? I am not interested in what my ex does now unless it affects the children, but have found things out about her and her behaviour (like dragging her new man along on a girls night out!) from mutual friends.

He may want the child benefit but unless he is having the children at least half the time he won't get it. Remember that in divorce our exs often want things and threaten things, but often there is little they can actually do!

It sounds like getting your financial arrangements sorted and getting the Consent Order agreed is something to push hard for so you can really move on!

All the best

S

Hi there and sorry that you are having such a hard time, speak to your solicitor again and see if she/he thinks a non molestation order may be appropriate as he certainly is harassing you, as for the trailer, it may have been easier to just tell him that it belongs to you. Make sure you keep all text messages also as evidence.

Good luck and hope that its over for you soon.

Saffy xxx

I second what saffy has said. Non Mol is the order of the day for you. That will end this stupid harrasment. C.

Thanks so much all of you for your advice. Yesterday I threatened him with the police if he didn't stop texting me horrible messages. He is now saying I'm harrassing him! He's going to contact my solicitor about it. She has told me that it would be difficult to get a non-molestation order on him because he isn't threatening me physically, although the mental stuff is just as bad - I'm in bits this weekend and can't stop crying. He is making the consent order difficult and now we cannot agree on summer holiday contact as he is trying to call the shots and have his own way completely. Does anyone know where I stand on this front? I have my daughter 60% of the time and I'm the one who buys everything for her and does everything like doing paperwork for school trips etc. Am I able to say what goes here? I'm so brow beaten by him all the time I've lost sight of what's right and wrong.

I could cope with all of this if he wasn't threatening me with stuff all the time. He never stops. I don't even get one day off because he's at me all the time about total rubbish.

About 6 months ago, he found out lots of stuff about me - I think he somehow got access to my computer and I think he was following me. He has since managed to get hold of my partner's surname and address. He is texting me asking me for his middle name so that he can sue him about the trailer and says that if I won't give it to him he will get it from the electoral roll - it's just awful.

I would go to the police and report this then go back to your solicitor with the crime reference number as this IS harassment and also could be classed as domestic abuse. You could also contact the Domestic Violence Unit for some advice. I had dealings with them during my divorce and they even recommended a solicitor for me to use.

I would be very suprised if after reporting this a non molestation order cannot be granted, I got one very easily. Also keep all receipts for purchases regarding your daughter.

Good luck and keep us informed, you may even want to take a look in the wiki library as you might find some useful info there.

Saffy xxx

Let him sue your partner, I think he would be laughed out of court. He sounds as though he is trying to lash out because he feels powerless over your life.

Think of him as feeling powerless and it will help to deal with all his bluster.

Meantime save the harrassing texts as evidence. Log every incident.

And pop on here for support, come into chat if you want to talk to people.

Once the finances are sorted he will probably let go.