\"Be Happy\"

The last words my late Dad said to me before he died were "For God's sake, be happy." He knew without me saying anything that I wasn't and it was just the push I needed to take action.

18 months later with those words still ringing in my ears and after months of mourning, being sure I was doing the right thing and then planning how to pull it off, I asked my husband of 16 years to leave.

6 months on and I'm here saying hello to you lovely people, doing my level best to be the happiest person I can be.

It's all been remarkably amicable so far. Now he's accepted we're not getting back together he's sought legal advice and been advised to go for a Clean Break on the finances so we can both move on.

And that's the problem. I'm in the MH with the children (9 & 14) and don't want to move them, but just can't afford to buy him out of the mortgage with the 30% equity share he's looking for. We only have the house, motorbike and our individual final salary pensions left to split because we've been able to agree everything else.

His solicitor says the pensions shouldn't come into it, even though I've spent 14 years working part time earning less than him becuase I've brought up the children and as such my salary isn't what it could be.

I'd like nothing better than a clean break, but I need to find some alternatives to paying him a lump sum now and also find out whether the pensions should play a part in the negotiations. I think I need some legal advice!

Hallo Enough

Your Dad sounds lovely and I am sure you must miss him. You also sound very positive too.

All the assets of the marriage including future pensions should be put into the pot to be shared out.

It often happens that a wife would get a greater share of the house in exchange for not having any of her husband's pension.

Or you might be able to agree that you can stay in the house until the children are 18 when it will be sold and divided.

you and your husband might benefit from mediation, where a mediator helps you both to reach a fair agreement you are both happy with.

Hi Nell,

Regarding pension, you mention that a wife gets a greater share of the MH in exchange for not making any claim from her husband pension. What happens if the X2b had not put away too much towards any pension, as he was self -employed.
Do you think I should not pursue any little he has in his pension? I have been told by my lawyer not to go for it’s not worth it.

I was just wondering: -

I gave up my good job for about15 years to look after the children.

I helped him most of that time when he was self-employed without being paid anything.

Do any of you think that I may pursue trying to a greater portion of the MH? The children are in their 20+ now. Are any of these valid points?

Thanks for your help.

Cisco:unsure:

You were married a long time, and your contribution in raising the children and running the home would be considered.

I am confused as in your first post you said the children were 9 and 14 and in the last one that they were 20+? Or have I misread?

Hi Nell.
Thanks for being the first to say hello. It's nice to feel welcomed.

The reply wasn't from me.

Mediation is certainly something I'd consider. A clean break would be ideal, but it's not as important as keeping a decent roof over the children's heads. And with the market as it is, now's not a great time to be selling. I'm getting some legal advice tomorrow, so hopefully I'll know a little more after then. Thanks for listening.

Hi all

I'm sorry about the situation that you find yourself in, but I do agree that the pension value could be offset against the equity split, but that is the path towards confrontation - is there any other way?

...also, can anybody answer this - if both of you agreed that it was better for the mother to bring up the children (as opposed to persuing a career and paying a hefty sum towards childcare costs, and having someone else bring up, and instill your values in your children).... does this ever get considered by the courts? (speaking as a father who mutually agreed with ex to go down that path)

dd

dissapointed dad wrote:

Hi all

I'm sorry about the situation that you find yourself in, but I do agree that the pension value could be offset against the equity split, but that is the path towards confrontation - is there any other way?

...also, can anybody answer this - if both of you agreed that it was better for the mother to bring up the children (as opposed to persuing a career and paying a hefty sum towards childcare costs, and having someone else bring up, and instill your values in your children).... does this ever get considered by the courts? (speaking as a father who mutually agreed with ex to go down that path)

dd

Hi. Can you give a bit more info about what's behind your question? The courts will take the mother's role in bringing up the kids into account when assessing what is a fair share of the assets for her and also when deciding who the kids will reside with - is that what you meant?