divorcing my wife yet i am gutted

Just read the ages of children - 7, 4 and 2!

Oh dear, you are going to miss them. They are such cute ages. I had 3 children under 5. Please put them first.

In a marriage there is alot of pressure when there are young children and you have 3.

Please think about what you are losing. Obviously the mistress wasn't enough for you to leave your family for when it all started. But your wife's OM was enough.

Jo x

hi joanna,

i certainly appreciate you taking your time to reply.

your synopsis is just about right.

we got on well for about 9 years and then things started going downhill.
when we go back together we agreed that we would do things together and try and forget the past and get our marriage back on tracks.
i think possibly i went back mainly for the reason that i missed the children so much.

everyone says that i am the best father they know and not a day goes by when dont miss them greatly.i see them every weekend atm and also put them to bed one day in the week.

the wheels are in motion to get the divorce moving and i can see problems when she knows i am back with the girlfriend. (she despises the girlfriend and told me when we split up that things will be ok re children so long as i am not with her!!).

the girlfriend has known me for many years and has loved me for a long time. she will move in as soon as divorce goes through

i am not a bad person just probably want more all the time!

i know that i still have possibly still a little time to make another go of it with wife, BUT i also think that if i go back, within 6 months i will not want to be with her.

i think i am just being selfish and jealous that someone else has got her.

last night was another sleepless night. bed at 2, up at 3. back to bed at 4 and awake again at 5.

i feel terrible and also it is not fair on my girlfiend.

i cant seem to let go of my wife.

Your pain is obvious to me and that is why I am trying to help you.

Okay, the thing is that there are clearly some issues with your relationship, for both of you, as you both had affairs.

Your girlfriend may have said she has loved you for a long time, but do you think she will continue to stick around whilst all this angst is going on?

Would it perhaps be an idea for your to be with neither your wife nor your girlfriend and go for counselling alone to sort out yourself?

You do seem to adore your children.

Your wife has no right to say who you do and do not see, but clearly she has issues with your girlfriend, maybe because she sees her as the one who finally made you leave for good.

I don't think you want everything, I just think you are confused and really don't know what you want.

Jo x

i possibly am confused.

BUT my girlfriend cannot wait to be with me. she will definitely be with me for a long time and i do love her.

she is a lovely person who will do anything to help anyone.

my wife finds the 3 children hard work and complains a lot and is generally not well liked by my family and does not have many friends.

apart from the children it should not be a difficult decision.

why can i not let her go?

3 children IS incredibly hard work. I have 3 girls - now nearly 19, nearly 17 and nearly 14. I absolutely love my girls to bits and now they are obviously more or less independent, eldest about to go to Uni etc.

I had 3 under 5 - and looking at your posts, it looks like you and your wife did too. Incredibly difficult. Emotionally and physically exhausting.

All this business with other people seems to have begun not long after your youngest child's birth. Post natal depression - did that oome into it? Your wife feeling bad about her figure etc.

Your new partner may want children. The same could happen again.

Maybe you can't let your wife go because you love her? Maybe your family didn't like her, lots of inlawsdo not like each other. Maybe she doesnt have so many friends. So what? You should have been a family, busy loving each other.

How about putting all your energies into your children and leaving both women aside for a while. Can you move in with your parents for a while? I think you need time out.

Your girlfriend may love you etc. etc., but at the end of the day I don't have much respect for women who are willing to take children's fathers and other women's wives! Surely, if she truly loved you she would not have messed with you whilst you were living with your wife and children?

Finally, how will you feel when you little one calls a new partner your wife has as "daddy two"?

Jo x

jo,

i will obviously not like that.

for your info i have already moved out into a flat of my own.

i know that my wife and i are not right together and i would only be going backfor the children.

should i be back home, unhappy just for the children?

the way i feel atm is that i maybe i should go back.

BUT i did not feel this way a week ago. (before i knew she had a boyfriend)

simon
x

I personally feel that you should be on your own for a while as you are obviously not ready for another relationship and this is not fair on the girlfriend as you will both end up hurting even more.

Take some time out....cool things off with the girlfriend as you cannot move on whilst you are confused about your wife.

You have a lot of emotions, practical issues to sort out. try talking to your wife and even go to relate or something similar.

Its such a shame for those little kiddies....I think if the marriage is worth saving then really really try and give it your best.

Take care.

Saffy xxx