divorcing my wife yet i am gutted

hi everyone,

we had been married 11 years and then she met someone on the net in july07.

in dec i met a girl and we were both committing adultery without the other knowing.

in feb 08 i found out about her affair and we split up

one month later i split up with my `girlfriend` and got back with wife.

in 3 months time she found out about my girlfriend and everything was out in the open.

in dec 08 i started seeing the girlfriend again and left my wife in april of this year.

i am still with the girlfriend and things are ok between us.
however my wife has just started seeing someone else and i am absolutely devastated.
we have 3 children and i love them to bits.

my life with her was not really that happy and i do not know why i feel like i want her back.

i am happy with my girlfriend and i know that if i was back with my wife i would want my girlfriend.

i know going back is the wrong thing to do but everytíme i pick the children up i just want to give my wife a cuddle.

i feel so low

I wonder how your children feel in the midst of this.

Elle x

children are 7,4 and 2 and know nothing.

what is your q/dilemma dad?

Elle x

i am happy with my girlfriend yet i still want my wife.

i guess it is because she has got a boyfriend, i want her back now.

probably my possessive controlling nature

If you believe that to be true, I wish you well in finding a way forward.

Elle x

Im trying to get my head round this. You had an affair, but your wife didn't know and so you were cheating on your wife, not knowing your wife was doing the same? Am I right so far?

Then you find out that actually your wife is having an affair and so you leave her, but don't tell her that you are also having an affair????????

So, you make out you are splitting up because she has done wrong in the marriage? But really you have done wrong too, but you dont want her to know that you are doing exactly the same, but want her to feel bad?

Then she finds out about your other woman?

Then you go back to other woman and your wife is alone looking after the 3 children of the marriage?

Now she too has found someone else and you find it difficult?

If all the above is correct, this is what I think. I think that whilst you were having the affair with the women you are still with, it was all naughty, but exciting. You probably never intended to leave your family, you were perhaps just a bit bored and so had an affair. You proably never in this world would have imagined your wife doing the same. But, clearly if you think about it, if you needed 'another' in your marriage, you wife clearly felt she did as well, but neither of you wanted to break up your marriage.

Anyway, the woman you are now with is the same woman you had an affair with, so the excitment you had together when you were being illicit is no longer there. 'From your posts, it looks like your wife is now with someone different.

You and your wife were back together 'trying' and then you cheated on her with the same woman behind her back.

Maybe the problem here is that because you are with the same woman and your wife is with someone new, you are jealous?

As Elle says, what about the kids? With you coming and going etc? And the other woman you have who you were cheating on behind your wife's back. I wonder does she have kids. And maybe you should wonder if she is willing to leave 3 children without a full time father, what kind of woman is she? Is she likely to leave you once all the excitement has died down?

I really don't mean to have a go at you. But the fact that you say you want to hug your wife means something. Perhaps you do want the marriage to work. Of course you will always be a father, but will you miss your little ones not seeing them every morning and every night?

The problem with affairs, is that the attraction often goes when all is out in the open and heartache is all around.

I applaud your wife for getting on with her life, but you have forced her into this.

Maybe take time out. Talk to your wife, suggest counselling. If the marriage is worth saving, SAVE IT.

Jo x