Separating after 19 years

After 19 years of marriage my wife has told me she no longer loves me and does not want to be with me anymore.?
We have 3 children who I love dearly and I am still in love with my wife.

We have had serious arguments in the past (no violence, just words) and she previously once asked to go to marriage guidance which I refused (male ego, no one is going to stick their nose in my business etc), but when it was suggested it was a flipant remark

I know I am not without my faults, but I love them all, I put my family before anything I want.

I want to try marriage guidance, but now she is refusing

She has said there is no one else involved and I have to believe and respect that.

She has stated there is no chance of saving our marriage. try?

She has asked for me to leave her alone (although we still live in the same house at the moment as I do not want to leave my children).

We both want custody of our children, but as a man, I know I have little chance and the thought of losing my wife and kids is destroying me inside

I am trying to put on a brave front for the kids and trying to be normal for them, but it hurts so much.

Hey Sunshine,

Hang in there. I know your pain and I'm currently going through it myself. I still love my wife too, and that makes it hurts even more I know.

If there's any comfort to it, here's a hug from me. Hopefully it'll make you feel slightly better somehow...

(((((((((( Sunshine8473 ))))))))))

hallo and welcome to wikivorce

As you will see reading around the site your situation - although very painful - is not uncommon. People do get through this and so will you.

Unfortunately in marriage it only needs one person to decide its over - and it is over. Often one partner comes to this decision without any discussion or warning.

They are full of plans to move on, whilst the other partner is reeling in shock.

You will find plenty of information on here and pop into chat for friendly support.

How old are your children?

Nell

Hi Sunshine, welcome to our support community. As others have said, there are many members here in the same situation. Take some time to read other posts in the forum to get a general idea of who is best able to help / advise you if that's what you need. If you need company then pop into the chatroom - there is almost always someone there to greet you.

As for your situation, it's a common one. It may be that marriage guidance could have made a difference some time ago - it may not. Your wife may stick to her guns now, or may change her view. Only time will tell. If it's at all possible, then I would keep talking. Given that you are still in the same house though, that may simply feel like pressure to her and so she may not want to talk, in which case I would try on neutral territory.

I have to say though, be prepared for her to refuse. All too commonly, once one has made up their mind, resistance seems futile I know you are respecting her statement that there is no one else but there does appear to be a direct correlation here between level of denial and guilt so you might want to prepare for the worst? I know that sounds a bit 'doom and gloom' but forewarned seems to be a distinct advantage in divorce.

Keep talking and take care

Shezi

Hi Sunshine

Welcome to the site.

As previously mentioned many of us have been in your situation, my marriage was 22 years, was with him since i was 16.

At this time, take one day at a time, don't make any rash decisions. You need to take care of yourself to go through this journey, that means, eating properly(even though you may not feel like it), sleeping etc.

Take time out for you, and use this site any close friends, family, colleagues that you can talk to in confidence. I must admit i felt i had talked the ears off of some of my close girl friends, bless them, i think you also find your true friends at this time, as i thought i had friends (our friends) several of them stopped calling etc, think they did not know what to say or do.

You sound like a proud man, dont be too proud to get that support it is so important, consider popping in the doctors for support, if you think you need it.

Most importantly try to keep things as normal as possible for the children, they will pick up on your mood.

Keep posting and have a look at peoples blogs they are also helpful.

Take care.

Thanks for the replies everyone, I didnt know what to expect when I posted on here, I now know I am not alone in this (or the only one going thorugh it) but at the moment I feel so alone.

Just by reading the 4 replies so far it has helped,Minicooper, thank you, I have lost a 17 pounds in a week and as for sleeping, well that is out of the window.. Your words are so close to me.

I will never be too proud or stubborn to to change for my family, after all they are pride and joy.

The ages are 13 (boy) 11 (girl) and 6 yesterday (boy).

The 2 older children have been told and the 13 year has been so strong for me, but I worry he is taking on to much, but he wants to help me (us).

Thanks for your words once again

The others have given you great advice... i just wanted to welcome you to our community.. there is lot of support and also practical help...

hang in there...take care of yourself and of the kids.. you are the most important people in the world now....