HI

Hello people, just found this site and have been reading threads for hours!

So many people with so much experience and so much advice.

My story as briefly as i can:

Together 15 years, married 4

35 year old man with 2 children(a daughter of 9 that was my own and son of 15 i brought up from birth that wasn't mine). I was only 19 when we got together before he was born and i took the responsibilty on. didn't have any qualifications but made a promise i would make something of myself and a good life for our family. a few problems throughout our relationship but nothing major enough to make us split permanently. did have a couple of shorts splits but got back together.

2 days before my last exam after 3 years of evening classes last june and totally out of the blue she just said can't do it anymore. couldn't get over why after all the years of struggling why when i'd finaly got to a point of being able to provide a better life she wanted to just give it all up? I begged her not to rush into anything and asked for time cool down.

2 weeks later i had moved (been thrown)out!

next day phoned me from solicitors and said don't contest it, it's over!

2 days later locks changed (i'm no threat?)

2 weeks later new car outside the house

2 weeks after that on holiday (with our kids) with new fella!

Turns out it was an old boyfriend from school and the wonder of a well known social networking site had reunited them. All along she said nobody else was involved but i remembered her saying she'd accepted his friend request a month earlier.

working for a neighbour 2 doors away for seven years so couldn't give my job up. had to keep going every morning and night to pick up/drop off work van and see her/him and the kids.

absolutely destroyed me as i didn't see it coming. Had some very dark days and still don't feel like it will go away. she's taking my beautiful daughter to spain on sunday for 2 weeks with him and as every day has gone by i've been getting more and more anxious.

would have been our anniversary next week as well

only 13 months since i moved out and it's still killing me. surely i should be letting go by now but i miss my old life and my family so much.

i've had calls and texts from her saying she regrets it as well but it's too late to go back. i wouldn't wish harm on her but would like her to feel the pain she's put me through (ideally her getting dumped). i know it's not healthy to have bitterness but how do you let go?

i think being a man you're supposed to just shut up and get on with it and certainly feel i should be well on the road to recovery by now.

when does it get easier?

I know theres no quick fixes but any helpful advice would be appreciated.

thankyou

ps sorry for the long post!

Pretty much had the same happened to me 19months ago. Had some terrible days and nights did drown myself in drink for a short while to try and forget. But every day you may not know it but you are recovering and it may not seem like this. I had a couple of relationships but I was not ready but now I have met the woman of my dreams and I now realise how much rubbish I actually put up with. Keep your cool and be dignified and always do the best for your children. It does get better. One thing I did was to go and see my gp wwho got me to talk to a councilor and that did me wonders. Now I look back with no regrets because of the life I have now actually I should thank her for making me happy. Hang on in there.

actually having a few sessions of therapy but maybe i'm expecting too much too soon?

sounds like you're in a better place now and that does give the rest of us hope.

I understand exactly where you are. I'm sorry that i don't have any advice as i am in the same place as you. 12 months down the line I wonder when it will get better, exspecially as I watch him get on with life care free and false promises of getting together after finances etc are sorted.

I too am thinking about counselling but i'm not sure endless taling about it will help me. I will reserve judgement. I am sorry I can't help but i take solace that I am not on my own.

Take care my friend

i went to gp but didn't want ad's so thought i'd try counselling.
had 3 sessions and got a few more left yet (nhs) but think it will help. might even pay for more after. try anything once!

good luck florri

Welcome to wiki Chiggers.

It seems that the well known social networking site that re-unites people has a lot to answer for. I have had a very similar experience and it started 2 years ago - the old school boyfriend etc etc.

This time when she said that she wanted to end it - I put my coat on and said fine. I was not going to be hurt again like last time.

How long will this go on - it is an individual thing. All I can say is time will make things better.

I am lucky - I have managed to move on a lot and rarely and I mean very rarely even think of my ex any more.

I hope you manage to find some peace from this soon.

Keep Straong.

TUF

cheers TUF and thanks for the welcome