Hello all

Thanks goldfish11

Being false is a good tip

Already started on YOU time and have only been able to confined in friends who have been really supportive.

if you ask any questions then you will be blamed for anything that went wrong.

This is exactly what has happen. I now avoid talking about our marriage with her (what is the point) or anything about what I'm my feeling. Although she does ask how I feel if I tell her the truth as I did in the early day this does not go down well now I just say "I'm fine" this goes down better. So being false does work.

Yes your emotions will be manipulated I'm trying to focus on these first then I will be able to focus on the practical sides of moving on.

Still with no hard evidence about what has gone on I am trying to not let it consume me as this will pull me down long term. I'm starting to care less and just want out.

Hello Startagain

Glad you're starting to deal with it all more positively. I wish I had found this website right at the beginning too but I was so consumed with emotions I couldn't even function never mind use the computer. Funny how mobile phones seem to be the first warning sign. I had noticed that he kept turning his phone off in the house for about a week before it all blew up so I was a little bit suspicious as to why but had no idea of what laid ahead. I never look in his phone anyway but the night before it blew up we'd had a minor disagreement and he slept in the spare room. When I went to bed I kept hearing this buzzing noise in our room and couldn't figure out what it was. On investigating I discovered his phone on vibrate in his jeans pocket. As it was quarter to one in the morning I thought it may be urgent or to do with work so I opened the message to find that it was his girlfriend texting him. There were two others on the phone too, one of them very explicit!! I thought I was going to die on the spot and didn't know how to deal with it. He'd been drinking so thought it best not to drag him out of the bed and confront him. I was going to deal with it when I got home from work the following day but due to an unexpected chain of events he ended up visiting his parents and the whole sorry mess came out on the phone. Not how I wanted it to be but he denied it all saying she was just an old friend and he was flattered but nothing had happened. That was the start of his chain of lies. The following day he was living with her and is still there three months later. It took just 9 days to wipe out 22 years. The first few days every phone call erupted into world war three. Then I became so ill that I made no contact. Then I rang him about 5 weeks ago and it was very icy to start with but then we both ended up in tears on the phone and he promised to come and see me on the following sunday. He rang on the sunday saying the bike wouldn't start and that he promised to come and see me one evening of the following week. That is the last contact we have had. He hasn't had the guts to pick up the phone and now that I am feeling a tad stronger I am adamant that I will not contact him. He will be receiving his divorce papers in about three weeks time. No communication can be the best way to deal with it. I don't want to speak to him at all now as I know it will erupt into a row so I'd rather not bother. As far as I'm concerned he's made his bed so he can lay in it. And I really don't care with who now either. That must be a good sign that I'm starting to deal with it. Eating properly has helped me feel better and having lots of me time and spending time with my close friends and family. You'll get there. I know we all will. Take care my friend xxx

Thanks Lonely48

Yes I'm thinking of doing a PHD on the role of the mobile phone in marriage breakdown.

I'm dealing with things more positively, there are ups and downs but I'm getting a better grip of the downs.

Thanks Lonely48

Yes I'm thinking of doing a PHD on the role of the mobile phone in marriage breakdown.

I'm dealing with things more positively, there are ups and downs but I'm getting a better grip of the downs.

I think we should just write a script as they all do and say the same things. The laughable bit is, they all think they are so special and their situation is unique. I think not.

Pathetic.

Sadly a very very familiar story, me included. And your right about mobile phones. They are a great tool for the immoral people in this world to carry out their sordid lives, but also seem to be a fairly common way to get caught out. I got to the stage when I would cringe everytime my wifes phone went off. Over 2 months later I still hate that sound, but unfortunately its a really common message tone & I seem to hear it all the time

I had the same deceipt when I noticed my husband had changed towards all of us. When challenged he came out with a load of trivial complaints about me which were nonsense (eg. I leave too many lights on in the house).No guts to tell the truth. I found a letter from ow and told him to pack. Whenever I doubt myself my dtr puts me straight that we were a very happy family right up to the point that he met ow. They have to justify themselves and startr to believe their own little fantasy world!
These people who treat people who loved and trusted them so badly do not deserve us! We have to get through this mess as best we can but we can live with the knowledge that we are better people.
Good luck, some wise words in the comments. Put yourself and the kids first and look after yourself!