is anyone out there???????

hi i came on here a few days ago and introduced myself. im recently seperated after 3 years of marriage and feeling very lonely and abandoned, im not sure really wether coming or going but iv read lots of posts on here and everyone seems to have been through similar was wondering does it get better. im surviving on sleeping pills and haappy pills , with the only thought will he come back .

Hi

I was in your position once, well, I didn't want the weazal back, but I didn't know how I coped and was on happy up and down pills, didn't know if I was Arthur or Martha most days.

BUT, 3 years down the line (2 years divorced) I have graduated from a beached whale through miserable comfort eating to losing 7 stone and being free!!!!

It takes time to get to where I am. I call my ex a sperm donor, a brilliant one, however, as I have 3 beautiful daughters. But he means absolutely nothing to me whatsoever.

You will get there, I promise and one day you will not want him back and he will probably come crawling.

Jo x

Kitkat, you have my sympathy, it's a horrible horrible place for you to be. Like you I was in complete shock when my wife left. It turned out she had found someone else and then proceeded to blame me for everything to justify what she had done. You will find similar stories all over this site, but at least here people know how you're feeling and you can get things off your chest. One thing I have realised over the past few months is that you have to take things at your own pace. I found (still do!) that even aceepting the situation has been really really hard. You don't want to believe it's true, so I have been clinging on to the hope that maybe she will come back. It is very difficult sometimes facing up to reality. It is for me anyway
You have definitely come to the right site. There are a lot of good people here who have helped me hugely. Good practical advice, as well as a "shoulder to cry on". Good luck Kitkat, and keep posting here. It helps to get things out.
jxr
x

jxr wrote:

Good luck Kitkat, and keep posting here. It helps to get things out.

Oh, doesn't it just!!!!!!!

thank you it was good to have someone answer me . this is good for talking friends seem to get fed up after a while they got own lives i think. cant even imagine moving away from this place of hope and waiting at the mo. it seems like one bad dream. somedays it so unbearable i want to get in touch with him and beg him to come back . havnt done that yet. i keep hopeing he will end up realising what he has thrown away and come home. thanks for listening

kitkat, I know exactly what you mean. I haven't actually begged, but come pretty close - I have been so desperate for things to go back to how they were before all of this. I have been being trying so hard to keep the door open, treading on eggshells so that I didn't give her any excuse to not want to come back, and it has taken a long time to realise that "you know what, I don't think I do want you back". I never ever imagined in the very early days that I would feel like that, hopefully you will reach that point to, although it's a painful road, no question.
I think the best thing about Wiki, for me anyway, is that people here don't know you and don't judge you. I find it really hard to talk to friends & family about my situation (maybe it's a man thing?) but find i can get a lot of stuff off my chest here.



And GTU - I'm shocked!

kitkat, that's exactly the great thing about this site. People here really do understand the roller coaster of emotions and there are a lot of rants where people let off steam and get out their hurt, anger and frustration. It's a safe place for that and you will find that you connect with total strangers on a level you never thought possible, given this is such an intimate situation you find yourself in.

It does help to write about it - and your feelings of wanting your partner back are absolutely normal. You are still in a state of shock after all, so be kind to yourself.

Yes, friends are great, and you will likely have a small handful you can really let your hair down with, but really, unless they are incredibly wise and understanding, or have been through this, you are right - they get fed up and expect you to move on when you simply aren't ready to.

My one piece of advice, and this is something a good friend who had been through this shared with me: take things at your own pace, exactly what jxr says. You have to allow yourself to feel what you feel and don't let anyone make you feel s**t about that. It's like when someone passes away, only worse in a way because your partner leaving was a choice, whereas in most cases when someone passes away it ain't out of choice. What i'm trying to say is, it's a grief process, and you have to live alongside the pain. You can't escape it but you WILL learn to come to terms with it. Trust me!! You REALLY will. And that will -and needs to be - at your own pace. So don't go pretending you are fine and dandy when really you are not. It's ok not to be fine and dandy when you get such a body blow.

Big hugs to you - I and most of us on here know just how you feel.
GTU