my wife wants to separate and I'm not doing well

I am a 41 year old man who has had the carpet torn from under him. For months, my wife has been behaving very odly and says now she wants to live apart. I am so stressed and cannot get this out of my mind. I said it was impossible and I couldn't possibly live without my kids and I need some urgent help as I am not sleeping, cannot think straight and am now getting really angry over the fact. I don't know what to do or say to help this situation.

I think you need to ask her to help you understand why she wants to go. She must either be very unhappy to take such action. Or she may have another relationship - either way I think it is reasonable for you to ask her. If she is unhappy then perhaps you can offer to go to counselling with her to find out what the issues are and to see if you can find a way to resolve them. She may have convinced herself that it is too late to fix things and that she doesn't want to get into painful details with you.

If there is another relationship then it is likely to be much harder but even there there must be some reason (however unreasonable it may seem to you) that she fekt she needed more than she had with you. Again you may be able to sort this out if you can get her to talk about it and if you can both be prepared to try and fix things.

Hope you can get talking and sort things out.
D

ok sweetheart
someone is here who hopefully can 'be ther' for you......
i have been there so painfully last september miss 'no one ever left me or cheated one me' now they did......and how i grew....phew.....

im a yer ahead now but i remember sitting there wondering with tears pouring down my cheeks HOW i could bear the pain, i am thirty seven,.....and she is pretty blonde (so was i.....) i have since shaved my hair off and got a life......

well brain anyway......

those early days.....i KNOW

ok MR to get you thru because that is whats needed.....im no loon so bear with me
you may wish to skip this, but survival is the importance how the f.......k to get from now to......two hours....

you cant sleep etc
dont kno whts goin on.....

ok sweetie (dont worry im taken.....harmless lass.....) jus have to give it.....(am an empath and whatever you call it woobie joobie....lol).......u need to act for YOU.....right now the next five mins are YOURS i knw yu are scared and worried about money and how you will manage but you just must 'be'

be focused not on her however she is or is not, she is in fact irrelevant, there will be others, you need to clean your house befre you clean hers.....only SHE can do that

(and im no weirdo, just a mum of four with LOTS of life ex......and a smile.....) Yo uwill get thru this but you need to be held and guided and know you are not alone

you are not alone full stop wether you know it or not
and truth is you do.....

let her 'do' a she 'will' thats her path.
try to stop it (as i did) or change it )(as i did) it wont help

you may gain what you think you want to learn within a few months deep down you dont

one hour at a time what is right for YOU

my dad whos a evovoled wotsit said to me

'let your gut guide you, be brave, and life will support you'
from a woman somewhere dark, im nearly at the light...with nothing.....


hugs

Thanks D
I know what you are saying but the communication has ended. There is such high emotion these days. She says she basically doesn't care about me and doesn't care what I do. We have two kids and they mean more than anything to me so I couldn't fathom separating, but need to know what to say to the counsellor when we meet this week. How would you put it to the counsellor about my concerns?

city willow that was one respnse,.....the other is .....you need to get thru this (this is being empath its knackering......lol)

bullshite aside

you cant contiue like this......for long
you may stand it for three weeks then you will crck and this is JUST me as a woman talking to you ie as human......(i DONT read fortunes by the way im far too busy.......)......

i understand.....if you are in the same house, and in the current crisis it isnt just 'off you go' its how do i pay the mortgage and have a place for me and the kids

without knowing indiviual circumstnces if you are here for emotionl support thats one thing, i was here too, best place

ok so partner is up to whateve HOW do you cope if ou dont want to push her away,


it is your choice

if you do want to keep her and want to continue, and this neednt be the 'end' regardless of what modern society says, then consider

'does she know that you know'

'will she end it if you dont force her'

'if she doesent end it what do you think will be the outcome HONESTLY'

(the pain will be the same awful but a NEW HORIZON)

'if she doesn't end it cud yu honestly lve with her for the rest of your life no questions asked'

'wuld she love you, would she do it again. would you'

PLEASE forgive me
i am asking YOU to ask these to yourself

i have been as many thru so much, and wish to heal and help. You culd move on, it can happen, if she an you want too, you KNOW the answer

if i can help legally (im not a solic. but ive been thru the courts and have knowledge. i am here to help BOTH of you no judgement.....)

blessngs

I came to this country from another European country for my wife's work. Now I am the lesser spouce and when that didn't matter in the past, it does all of a sudden. I have lost all touch with the economics and I am feeling somewhat threatened by the word separation. Tell me, from a womans perspective - do trial separations take place and are they helpful. Why do women want them? What is it about a career woman that changes mid life? I find the person I no longer sleep with is a totally different person and it hurts so bad. I am a grown man, but I find myself crying in my car. I find myself crying to bed in the spare room. I am so lonely.

You are a good person to email back.
I feel you do know something about this.
I understand you probably have had a tough time with your ex, and I don't mean to pry, but...I am different than most guys.
I met my wife in university. She was so beautiful and we had a jet set lifestyle living all around. We moved here and things fell apart. She says it was ages ago and she has abstained from sex for along time, which is a sign, I suppose. I am naive, I guess.

knowing women, what do they really mean when they say they feel suffocated and how can being a caring husband who also has a career all of a sudden be suffocating?

I am so sad all the time - i never thought this would happen to me.

what can I expect if she says she is moving into another accomodation? Would I even have a chance to keep the kids as a man?