Just about to start!

What a mess...we are in our early 40's and been married 12 years been together 17.5 years. 14 years ago we were broke and our first child was born, we now have two girls 14 & 11, I had to do something so I started a business. In all that time we both worked hard and built a good life, our first home, business, cars the usual. we did enjoy our time rarely argued, supported each other, made mistakes, as we all do but worked them all out in a good way. my wife then wanted to study yoga as the kids now went to full time school, and about 3 and a bit years ago she started to study. It cost a few £££k and I was happy to cover the home and kids as she would have to travel for her course, full days and most weekends. She did well and is now a teacher and covers around 4-8 classes a week. Not big money but it all helps and she has something she enjoys. The business made it through the recession and is now safe but not cash rich. With everything now in order I was looking forward to next year as it should be much easier to make money and finally reap the reward of all our hard work.
Then it came like a bolt of lighting, she has fallen for one of her students, who is 30ish and she wants to end the marriage and wants me to leave the home, which I have worked so hard to create. She has lost here love for me and would rather breakup even though finically it will be very hard as she wants both the girls with here.
all year she has been acting strange and when I asked her, back in December last year, to please try and have fun again she said she would. As it turned out she did not try and just became very distant, in April she was unbearable and I new then something was wrong but it too until September to find out about the other guy. She is still seeing him and has now said she wants to leave, What a Mess!!!

Hallo and welcome to Wikivorce

Sadly when one person decides the marriage is over, its generally over. But they've probably been thinking about it for ages and it comes as a huge shock for their spouse.

You don't have to move out just to make her life easier. Living in the same house whilst going through divorce isn't easy, but people on here have done it, some have no financial choice.

Please try to focus on what is best for your daughters, they are the innocents in this and will want to love mum and dad equally and not have to take sides.

I cant say anything that will make u feel beter, im in the same situation as u but about 2 weeks furthur down the line,and the best advice i can give is just focus on tomorrow as if u try to look 2 fsr ahead it becomes 2 much, good luck

Mark

Hi Jay,

You must be really hurting right now so do your best to remain calm.

Empathise with you as in a similar position where wife wants me to leave the matrimonial home and leave her with the 2 kids until house is sold. If had not moved 3 years ago, would have bought her out of previous property though not in a position to do that after taking a bigger mortgage to get moved.

Do not make any rash decisions about moving out. Seek legal advice first. After checking this with my solicitor when receiving letter from my wife's solicitor, advised to stay put as leaving would give her scope to apply for an occupancy order.

You will need to work out what you want, and your daughters are probably old enough to decide who they want to live with.

Get legal advice asap, try and get free half hour initial appointment with solicitor so at least you get familiar with the legal and financial position in your case.

Good luck

Hi Jay. I can understand how you feel. Many on here have lost everything becuase someone decides its over. Its common mate.

I dont have exactly the same story as you. But I asked my to be wife (and her kids) to live with me back in 1994. But she just milked me and eventualy I lost the house and everything to her. Thats the way it is mate. But I started again. It was hard but I made it. And so will you.

Its probably best that she goes. I know it dont seem that way right now but if you were to leave it will cause you massive issues later on.

You have a rocky road ahead of you. There is no way round this. But you built a business and you can do this. So stick around. It will be fine in time. C.

Hi Jay

I am living in the same house as my wife and starting to go through a divorce - has been 3 months now, it is a living nightmare but you start to deal with it. I think in your case with your wife's affair out in the open it is possible that she will leave.

Irony is we argued more after she told me it was over more than we even did before. I do my best to avoid getting it to arguments about the past as she has become very nasty and will freak and close me down tell me to go - but at the moment I do not have the funds to go - keeping my mouth shut helps to keep a roof over my head - in any case discussing a dead relationship is a waste of time especially when your other half has move on.

Yes on here people will say take one day at a time that's what I do it really helps. Everything that you go through is brand new a lot of which is unbearable so you just have to see what happens and deal with things as and when they come up. You cant really sit anything out things are just going to happen if you like it or not. Don't be pushed into anything take your time.

I'll have to move out soon, I'm really going to miss my kids, but I know I'll be able to have more control over my life and spend quality time with my children when they are with me. I'm focusing on this rather than being lonely and broke living a a flat:(

Hang in there things will get worst, but they will get better

Take care

Know how your feeling! I am 2 years down the line, My stbx just kept telling me it was over and I believed him everytime!!!!Found it unbearable and had to move out after 14 months or go into a padded cell. Should of started divorce procedings long ago. This may seem hard to take right now but at least your wife is honest with you, and like the others have said you cannot change her,beleive me I have tried everything in my power to save my marriage, but you both have to want it.You can only change yourself. I do admire the way you are handling a very painful part of your life right now, On hindsight I wish I had that courage 2 years ago.
Have hope.


Seek1ng.