was doing well, but have relapsed.

Hi - I'm new to this site and have been looking at all your posts and I was inspired to tell you my story. I was with my partner for 11 years and married just 16 months before he left without warning or reason. The week prior everything had been normal - we'd even booked a long weekend away, and were sussing out options for our next proper holiday. We were away from eachother at the weekend visiting respective friends, and when he came back he said something had changed inside him and he felt compelled to leave! It took just 5 weeks for him to destroy our marriage. During that time, he moved every last trace of him from our home, and started a relationship with some random woman he met on a night out. He ended our relationship by letter whilst he went to stay with her for a weekend. He says he's not been happy for a long time, however if this was the case, he didn't think to tell me, or his friends or family who are equally as shocked at his behaviour. We were the happiest couple I knew - we did everything together. We never argued. He was so affectionate. I thought I knew him inside out and he was a good, loving and loyal person. During those 5 weeks he lied to me, cheated on me, and was totally deciptful and manipulative of me. I won't ever understand how he could be so cruel to someone who's done nothing but love him for 11 years. This was almost 4 months ago. I thought I was coping well after the initial shellshock, and holding it together, but today I just couldn't stop crying. Nothing in particular set it off - I'm just so sad. How am I ever going to get my head around this?

Justsosad

Hello & welcome to a wonderful forum with lovely people whom will help you through this.

Time is a great healer - its an old fashioned saying but its true.

11 years is a long time to spend time with someone & in that time, you have put your trust & love in this person & like you say in 5 weeks he has taken it all away from you.

Its all about baby steps.. one at a time, 4 months is still a short time to be feeling any change towards the situation, it took me a year to get my head around my situation. one minute my life appeared to be perfect the next "poof" gone.....

Its all about acceptance & adjustment for you.

Do you know if this relationship is for real?

Has he asked for divorce?

All i can say it does get better, honestly! & you got to gain all the support you can from frends/family & we are all here too for you.

Angel 1:)
xxxx

justsosad,

maybe this is a progressive stage of you "getting your head around this"...sometimes we hold it together as you say...but eventually we are compelled to face the hurt...sometimes the trigger is not apparent...stick around though as there is a lot of support/understanding/experiences/views/food for thought here not to mention other useful resources/links.

E

Thanks Angel 1. I've never experienced any emotional turmoil like this before and wouldn't wish it upon anyone! I wish time would hurry up!

My husband claims to have a 'connection' with this random woman. He suffers depression and doesn't have many friends - I suspect she's the only person not questioning what the heck he's doing. I could have forgiven him anything, but not this. He's not asked for divorce, however he's agreed for me to divorce him on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour (and not adultary for some reason?). I've got my Petition, and I'm trying to summon up the courage to get it filled in and handed in before Christmas, so that I can start 2010 without all that hanging over me.

I'm 30 years old and this relationship is all I've known in my adult life. We worked really hard to build a comfortable life for ourselves and buy our house etc. I know I'll be okay, and it's him that's lost everything, but it's still so so hard. I have got some really good friends who have been looking after me. They have been amazing,and I'll never be able to thank them enough.

Justsosad

Welcome to wiki you poor thing i know just how your feeling ,its a great shock.All i can say is it does get easier and eventually your be happier and stronger.

I met my ex at 15yrs old married at 19 and remained happily married for 18 years then bang come back off holiday from a villa we bought a year before and bang found out he had been having an affair.my world fell apart.

But three years on im a stronger person i found me again and im well over him. Infact i hate him as he has treated me and his kids so bad.Plus i have a bf for 2 years nearly who is so much more caring loving and supportive and now i thank my ex for leaving me.

So it does get better easier and you will have bad days and good days you just have to try and focus on positive things to see you through . your lucky to have a good support of friends which helps alot, so you will be ok but we are all here to help you through the bad times.

Good luck x

Thanks for all your comments - I was worried that because I don't have children, or many assets to fight over, my heartache wouldn't be thought of as so bad. It's so sad that so many people are in similar (and worse) situations, yet it's reassuring too. Thank you for your kind words. x

justsosad,

Whatever caused the individuals pain is similar and poles apart depending upon what examples we are looking at...but the pain is the same...it bloody hurts, confuses, temporarily debilitates...how we cope is as unique as we all are...what you have/have not is irrespective to the pain...each to their own...what eases one persons pain may not another...indeed may aggravate...take care.

E