was doing well, but have relapsed.

OMG I have just read you post. The same thing happened with me. Like you I was away for the weekend got home and was asked for a divorce, like you thought I had a good marriage, we were looking at property in the USA to buy for our retirement. The only difference being mine hasn't fessed up to another women yet. It is so hard isn't it?

You will relapse again and again because you still have feelings for him. I am 10 months down the line and I still cry. We are still living in the same house while we sort the finances out - he ignores me mostly so it's getting easy to dislike him. I think that is the secret, look at his faults, look at his failings this man isn't worthy of your love and support. Keep your chin up it will get easier honest.

Hi

This is a real rollercoaster. I was doing fine, finances going through after Consent Order was approved at court. I saw my sols on monday to apply for the Absolute. I had a phonecall in work yesterday to say Absolute was granted on tues and i just burst into tears. I was with the ex 25yrs since i was 17 yr all my adult life. I feel almost back to where i was 18mths ago when he left and i found out about the OW. I had been warned from friends it would be a differcult time but i didn't expect it to hit me like this.
I know i'll be ok, i have to be but i feel so lonely. My family are the most important thing to me and i feel i've let them down and failed. None of this was my choice except the divorce, i knew there was no going back when someone else was involved.
You will be fine but there will be lots of ups and downs, hopefully we'll all come out stronger people.

take care
Jenny

During those 5 weeks he lied to me, cheated on me, and was totally deciptful and manipulative of me. I won't ever understand how he could be so cruel to someone who's done nothing but love him for 11 years

Dear justsosad

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through.I was with my husband for 12 years.We were each others first loves.All our friends thought we were the only couple among us who were lucky to find the real thing early in life, expected us to go the distance.No one expected him to lie , steal and cheat the way he did.Fortunately we didnt have kids yet. So many of us have been through much similar to you.

The first few months,I was just numb, didnt really hit me till later.I think that is the mind/body's way of protecting us till we ready to start dealing with it.
You said he was loving ,loyal etc the first step is to see the situation as it is.I made the mistake of seeing my ex as a much better man than he actually was.Needless to say thats not the way I see him now.

Its a long hard recovery road with many stages, but it does eventually start to get better.

We'r here for you.

lovelorn
x

My story is so similar! Married 18 years, together for 19. I had 8 bad weeks which coincided with when he met the ow I found out later. Yes we were very happy and the couple everyone thought would be together forever. Very supportive and caring towards each other , no rows, a lovely family we both appreciated. Sadly too we had both been married before and both been cheated on so we thought we really knew what we didn't want! He used that same phrase 'they connected'!
Two and a half years ago now, it is a lot better but I still get bad spells. Should get the Nisi in January. He started behaving differently towards us and when I talked to him he just made trivial complaints about me!
I got so angry in the end I was suspicious and went looking for clues and found a love letter (6 pages of drivel) from a married woman. I got the impression she has done this beforeas the letter was very dramatic, written like a diary with dates and times and she didn't sign it.
Things will get better you need to be kind and patient with yourself.
Take care