what a terrible xmas

Hi
This is all that the stbx has told me about grounds for divorce. She thinks it is /was unreasonable for me to ask her to cook the family the evening meal two or three times a week! Let me give more info. I do shiftwork during the week(have different job at weekends). When on late shift didn't see much of kids, but usually made sure I was up half to three quarters of an hour before they went to school. always checked they had done everything ready to go to school. stbx was always up 1st and usually had everything in hand.
But when I was on early shift, would get up 5am. do my days work, get home about half hour b4 kids get home. Obviously they are now old enough to sort themselves out now but I was nearly always there for them.
In our earlier days of marridge my wife would always have evening meal ready for us, but as time went on this gradually stopped. and in the end i was doing evening meal and washing up, then getting kids to bed.
My stbx works for herself from home, but generally only has 2-3hrs work a day on average. So i did not consider it unreasonable to ask her to spend half hour or so some days of the week doing evening meal!
She has also complained i have very seldom cooked a roast dinner for the family!
I do confess to the fact that i do not like cooking!
So basically in the early days I provided for my family, and helped with the kids when I could and stbx looked after house and home. Then as thing went on i was doing more and more around home, giving all i could. and she was giving less and less
Just to compound my workload we brought a holiday home abroad, which we worked on together to start with. but again I now seem to be running single handed.
I am sure there is more to tell but that should be enough for now, thanks for all you replies

Hi Marta,

I am going to sound completely stupid here! You are saying she is divorcing you on the grounds that you do not cook enough? You have not cooked a roast dinner often enough??

She works from home? You have a holiday home abroad? You work shifts?

I'll marry you!

I cannot for the life in me, see how these are grounds for divorce. Least of all unreasonable behaviour.

I don't mean to pour scorn on your situation and I am sure you are going through the wringer, but I am completely mystified as to why you not cooking enough family meals is unreasonable behaviour.

Lucretia wrote:

hmm I know what you mean Elle but do you not think it is a rocky road?

By "it" do you mean divorce lucs ...rocky road...nah it wis nigh oan ten years o bliss

E

martra wrote:

This is all that the stbx has told me about grounds for divorce. She thinks it is /was unreasonable for me to ask her to cook the family the evening meal two or three times a week!

Martra,

IMHO this does not constitute UB sufficient for grounds to divorce!

E

Elle wrote:

Lucretia wrote:

hmm I know what you mean Elle but do you not think it is a rocky road?

By "it" do you mean divorce lucs ...rocky road...nah it wis nigh oan ten years o bliss

E

LOL Elle.I have forgotten what the heck I meant.

Happy Hogmanny sweetie xxxxxx

Lucretia wrote:

Happy Hogmanny sweetie xxxxxx

Elle...sweetie aw ra best fir 2010 lucs

E

martra wrote:

Hi
This is all that the stbx has told me about grounds for divorce. She thinks it is /was unreasonable for me to ask her to cook the family the evening meal two or three times a week! Let me give more info. I do shiftwork during the week(have different job at weekends). When on late shift didn't see much of kids, but usually made sure I was up half to three quarters of an hour before they went to school. always checked they had done everything ready to go to school. stbx was always up 1st and usually had everything in hand.
But when I was on early shift, would get up 5am. do my days work, get home about half hour b4 kids get home. Obviously they are now old enough to sort themselves out now but I was nearly always there for them.
In our earlier days of marridge my wife would always have evening meal ready for us, but as time went on this gradually stopped. and in the end i was doing evening meal and washing up, then getting kids to bed.
My stbx works for herself from home, but generally only has 2-3hrs work a day on average. So i did not consider it unreasonable to ask her to spend half hour or so some days of the week doing evening meal!
She has also complained i have very seldom cooked a roast dinner for the family!
I do confess to the fact that i do not like cooking!
So basically in the early days I provided for my family, and helped with the kids when I could and stbx looked after house and home. Then as thing went on i was doing more and more around home, giving all i could. and she was giving less and less
Just to compound my workload we brought a holiday home abroad, which we worked on together to start with. but again I now seem to be running single handed.
I am sure there is more to tell but that should be enough for now, thanks for all you replies

Hi Martra.

I am going to (once again) put an alternative view. It may well be a load of old hogwash, but please bear with me.

I am married to a man who to the outside seems the perfect husband. He works long hours ( as do I). He did all the ironing in the house and occasionally ran a hoover round. However to our friends he would make a big thing of it and use it as a way of putting me down ( albeit in a 'joking' fashion). If you believed half of what he said, then it would appear that I did nothing and he did all of it.
Now I am not saying this is what you are like, but I do see so many stories on here about men who do everything, provide for their family and the wife does nothing and I have to say that I do tend to take it with a large pinch of salt.
Because the bottom line is this..... she is NOT happy. She is NOT giving you the real reasons only a few references to not cooking dinners enough - there is more than that.
Are you a control freak I wonder? Has she given up trying to do anything because you insist on doing it all? Why did she stop cooking the evening meal? Why did she stop putting the kids to bed? Do you have a large streak of playing the martyr? Believe me my stbx has and it is hell to live with.
I have to write a Petition for grounds of unreasonable behaviour soon and I am going to find it very difficult because on the surface it all seems fine. BUT it wasn't fine - not at all.

Please don't take any of this the wrong way. All that you say may well be true BUT it is vital you pick away at why your wife is so unhappy with the marriage. It may be that you can change things.

As for having an affair - well not all unhappy spouses are unfaithful - it doesn't necessarily follow.

Happy New Year - I really do wish you the best and hope that you can have a reasonable resolution to this.