Keep calm and carry on...

Hi there. Well here goes... Just spent my 1st Christmas without the partner I met when I was in my 1st year at uni; we were together for over 25 years and married for more than 20. Most of our friends and family envied our relationship - I thought we were happilyl married too! That is until he revealed in April he'd been having an affair with a schoolfriend for 4 years and "she wasn't going away". He insisted he still loved me and I had done nothing wrong; that we had a great marriage. I think he thought I loved him so much I wouldn't kick him out - big underestimation!
He had deceived everyone for all that time - so not only did I have to deal with my shock, I had to support our children, friends and family through their disbelief, as well as keep the family home (we have 2 teenagers) as calm and reassuring as possible - some days better than others.
His work involves a lot of travel and he had been adding days onto the beginning and end of trips in order to see her.
I am still trying to stop looking back and hoping for better times ahead but some days its just so hard. I miss the hugs, texts, phone calls (which continued up until the night the roof caved in and the truth came out) and just knowing someone is completely on your side - even though it turns out he wasn't!
Just feel so lonely at times. Have loads of friends and family who have been fantastic but I can't get past the sense of isolation. Dont want to jump into a new relationship til I have laid the last one to rest, but after 27 years of affection its bizarre when it stops so suddenly.
Not expecting any solutions from you guys, just needed to get this dialogue going - you seem such a lovely community. Have been visiting the site for a few days now and finally plucked up the courage to plunge in... Please be gentle with me!

Theres always someone worse off than you.....that shouldnt help......but often does..I am in a similar boat to you...but my children hae already moved out to lives of their own so I am actually completely alone..except the dog... :o)

Sorry you are in the position and I know the heartache you are going through.

It is the lies and deceit that are the worst and it wont be just you who is being lied to friends and family will have the joy of it too.

After so long together you just cannot get your head around why it stopped so sudden.

My STBX always rung me several time a day for a chat right up until the end, I have now realised she even done this when she had been' up to something'. Don't know if it was guilt and proving nothing was going on.

They all say they still love you it is pretty standard and don't try and understand their bizarre behaviour as you never will. Just focus on YOU and your children.

You will get through this and there are lots of happy endings on the site to prove it

Look after yourself

Welcome to the site and a big ((((hug))))) to you.Your still in shock and its a horrible place to be in i know ive been their myself just over 3 years ago and all i can say it does get better and easier it just takes time im affraid. x:kiss:

The best advice has been given from startagain and thats, dont even try to understand him. I wasted over two years trying to work my ex out and finally realised that it was a waste of my energy, as like others will tell you they are indifferent they dont have the same morals as us, if they did they would not of cheated in the first place .So please just consentrate on you and your kids.

As for meeting someone else their is plenty of time for that and you really need to find yourself again.I know its hard but it has its rewards.Its then you realise how strong you really are and how independant you can be too ,it will make you stronger and feel more secure in the long run.

I met my husband at 15 married at 19 married 18 years then found out about affair kicked him out.My life fell apart.

Now im glad his left,

I lost four stone.
Gained more confidence.
Im very independant.
Stronger.
And most important happier.
In a relationship with a guy who is 100 times better than my ex so now im glad his left so it is funny how thing turn out.

Your be ok and you can pm me anytime

Take care
mtm x

Hi twin. As the others have said it does get better. But at the start its the utter disbelief that this is happening. And happening to me. This sort of thing happens to others. But its happened. And its happened to you.

I wont lie to you. It will be hard. You will have up days and down days. Eventualy the up days will start to join together and make mostly up days. But you have all the crap to go thru 1st.

If I can give you one piece of advice that is be kind to yourself. You will want to cry. Want to play the old songs. Do all the sad things. Feel sorry for yourself. Ask yourself "why me, why now, why has he done this". Its ok. You will also think that you caused this. Was you affectionate enough. But this is not your fault.

Lastly, this will become old news fast with your freinds and familiy. But we wont tire of your story. Any time you want a rant come on here and rant at us. C.

Thanks - that's just what I needed to hear. You kind of feel you're a mug and how did your life end up here. Knowing someone else has been through the same situation makes me feel it wasn't my fault/naivety.
I guess bad things happen to good people all the time and its just my turn...

Thanks for that - the thing that resonates with me is the bit about morals. I thought my husband and I had the same morals and to find that I have been living with someone with completely different morals shocked me to the core.
You think you know someone, but can you ever?