grounds for divorce

Hi, I'v just joined the forum after scouring the net for info on divorce, I discovered that using "irreconcilable differences" is not an option and that as I want a quick divorce my only option seems to be "unreasonable behaviour" this is not going to be easy as my estranged husband and I "just grew apart" to the point of us both being thoroughly miserable, he is in no hurry but I am and I believe he wont dispute my application for divorce, but I'm struggling with what to use as "UB", he allowed me to do as I pleased and to have what ever I wanted(finances permitting) but we had no relationship, not even as friends. Does anyone out there have any suggestions other than "UB" or waiting two years?

Hi Marge - I just joined too and amazingly am also horrified at having been told to go for unreasonable behaviour - although even ten years ago a solicitor described his conduct as 'emotional cruelty'. Also I have been living without the relationship bit of relationship for at least those ten years. That in itself is UB but who is going to get an amicable divorce by stating that publicly? Since solicitor suggests I could 'declare' war and settle the whole thing probably within a year I too am beginning to wonder if two years is the answer -providing it is uncontested!

There isn't much doubt that the present law regarding unreasonable behaviour is unsatisfactory and, like other aspects of the divorce law, is in need of an overhaul.

In my view there is a lot to be said for a change in the law to the effect
that one year's separation + consent should suffice, as it is in some States in the USA. I think it is reasonable that there should be provision for some time for reflection. However, any government that floated the idea of such a reform would be accused of ' undermining the status of marriage ' and ' making divorce too easy ' - there was a thread on this site only this week on that very subject, with some people complaining that the law as it now stands is too easy, let alone reform !

The only thing I can suggest is that ' unreasonable behaviour ' does not necessarily mean blameworthy behaviour, the sort of thing that would make
normal people think the worse of you ; examples might be spending too much time watching telly, being a workaholic. differences over finances, and that sort of thing. If the other side does not contest it, the chances are it will go through on the nod. Which is, of course, divorce by consent in all but name Some lawyers believe it helps if allegations of UB are agreed in advance before the petition is presented.

I would have thought that irreconcilable differences could potentially be grounds for divorce, although I guess that normally these would show in other ways. In my own case - and I hesitate to add that we are separated but not divorcing - the sticking point is that she is American and after living here has returned to America, and I want to stay here. We still love each other and want to live together, but the issue is health - both of us have serious health issues, and the USA is no place to be ill. But that seems to be something which is capable of being unreasonable behaviour, and if I did want to divorce those would be my grounds ; she is insisting that she will only live with me in the USA and both of us have medical problems which would be ruinously expensive to treat and for which we can't get insurance. Bit of a mess, eh ?

Mike

"one year's separation + consent" - already in place in Scotland, and it does make it easier as you dont have to prepare a "fault" based divorce. Time for English/Welsh Law to play catch up?

If you do site UB as grounds for divorce, then any such incidents should have taken place within the past 6 months or so, its no use trying to cite an incident that happened 4 years ago, as any such incident is seen as being "condoned" - ie, you have managed to continue with a marraige for some considerable time after the event took place.

Ruby

I understood they have to be in the six months prior to separation not the last six months, as they are supposed to be why the applicant can't be expected to live with the respondent.

The incidents are considered to be 'condoned' if you continued to live with the person for a long time after them (@6 months) - if you don't that is evidence you find the reasons 'unreasonable'.

Unreasonable behaviour is a pretty steep step and should not been taking slightly just because you cant wait. Its the ultimate slap in someones face. Nowadays its no big deal if you meet someone in the two years of separation to live together. Buts it should be a time to think about the marriage as well. Sometimes separation can bring a couple together, even after a year or so because anger subsides and they are able to talk to each other.

Hi Stillalive,
I understand what you say, but in my case it took me two and a half years of soul searching and deep thought to finally make the break. I gave the marriage all I had and it was all taken for granted, I tried many times to resolve the main issues but he wasn't interested in fact he didn't even realise there was a problem even after I explained it time after time year after year, I even suggested "Relate" which he refused, I don't take divorce lightly and valued my marriage but it seems he didn't. The main reason I want a divorce is because of my emotional state and really need to get my life in order and on track, closure if you like.