New Start

Hello Everyone,

I am about to start my divorce proceedings but before I do that thankfully I found this site where I am hoping I can learn a few things from you guys and help where I can.
I got married around 5 years ago and now we have a three year old son. Our marriage did not start well and never improved. However the last year has been the most difficult. Around 8-9 months ago I have found out that my wife has been e-mailing and calling a man (a few man actually). The emails were very sexual and in a few of them she arranged to meet these people. I have no idea whether they met or whether they are still ion contact. At the time we were living together and we still are. However due to work I was travelling abroad a lot. So I have no idea what went on whilst I have been away. When I confronted her she said she did that because she wasnt happy and I pushed her to do it. However she claims she has never met these men. Some were her ex boyfriends and one guys she really got attached to was someone she met recently.
Anyway, after long arguements and exchanges she went on to get an injunction against me. When I read her statement I was shocked as most of the things she said there were made up and exeggerated. She showed a few texts I sent to her where I was insulting her, as proof. I received an order from the court but I couldnt attend to defend myself as I had to go away on business again. So now the injunction stands as a non molestation order.
Since then I have caught her texting her naked pictures to someone but she denies that too.
So now I am going to divorce her but she says that because I have an injunction, she will make me out look really bad in court and I will come out worse off.
I do not care about finances. She can take everything, all I want to do is to be able to see my child half of the week and that he can stay with me at these times.
Any suggestions would be really appreciated.
Thanks

kotum,

The Divorce court doesn't care who looks bad and as far as the finances go, your non-molestation order shouldn't affect any outcome either.

Not only is divorce a 'no fault' administrative procedure, only really, really bad behaviour affects the financial split, eg attempted murder.

So your wife is going to learn something from her solicitor which she didn't expect (unless of course he/she winds her up).

Don't give up on the finances now but do ensure that you get your statement of arrangements for the children sorted out and please remember that a penniless father can't do as much with their child as one in abject poverty - every little bit of coin retained helps!

YA

Thank you Young Again. My only worry is that she is going to stop me or limit me in seeing my child.
Is it too late to appeal the non molestation order? It has been two months since.
I wish people could divorce in good terms. I am trying to do that but it just doesnt work.
She is telling me that she can not afford to live if I divorce her so I have to pay her every month and that I am responsible for school fees. Well I have been paying the school fees all along and I will pay them regardless. But do I have to pay her rent, etc. too.

A court will want to encourage contact for both parents, so I doubt it will order no contact; however, your stbx could make things difficult, therefore, when drafting a court order think carefully about what access you want and remember to include phone calls, holiday periods etc in it.

Could I ask what school fees you are paying for a 3 year old? Is this some sort of nursery provision? Could your wife not claim for this as part of her WFTC and CTC (assuming she works and claims these)? Just a thought - every penny helps!

Hi there welcome to Wiki
This is just a thought......
She is firing bullets of blame and acting like she is because, she got found out, and that probably deep down inside feels incredibly guilty, making you out to be the bad one just makes her feel better and can justify her actions. Perhaps when things have cooled down a bit she might be a little more amicable.I can only endorse the above just make sure you are happy with any outcome as your child is very young and any decisions will stand for a long time.

"She is telling me that she can not afford to live if I divorce her " personally, this sounds like a bit of emotional blackmail.

Be fair but be strong. AFter all it is the little one that is important.

best wishes to you
Zara

This advice may be too little too late, however now that you have agreed that you should divorce, why make it any more difficult than it has already got?

If all you are interested in is access, and a Clean Break, then make it clear that you do not want to get involved in any more arguments, you have accepted that your relationship is over and that you want to move on in order to provide a stabble environment for your son, in which the concept of you two living with one another cannot be included.

This was the route that I went down, my ex, was violent towards me, we were horrible together and despite a lot bad feeling between us, once we had agreed that we must split, things calmed down.

Doesnt go the same for everyone I know, but worth a try, end the arguements, work out how and when the split will happen, refuse to get into any more spats.

Good luck

GM

Thank you all so much for your replies. It feels good to hear that no molestation order wouldnt affect my access to my child.
I will contact a solicitor today.