UK's first divorce fair

Having never been married but still gone through the break up of a 10 year relationship with 3 children in tow, I am frustrated by the lack of awareness that the increasing number of living together couples have about their legal rights. I recently did a survey and confirmed my fears that many people mistakenly think that common law marriage exists, which it doesn't, and thousands of women are at risk of staying home to be mothers and not 'contributing' to a mortgage that doesn't have their name on the deeds.

I think the legal advice on this wiki is great, but the term divorce should go beyond the legal definition to include all relationship break ups.

I also believe that personal wellbeing and development are at the heart of any real move to break up from a relationship in a way that reduces suffering of both parties and any children involved. Could this wiki not also include more help and resources of the emotional and physical kind?

Suzy Miller
Producer Starting Over Show
www.startingovershow.co.uk

Suzy,

Welcome to Wiki. I am not sure you quite understand what you have found here.

This is a web community set up by ONE man who was frustrated by the way divorce was being dealt with. He has his own story to tell as does every single wiki member who has joined this community in the past 17 months or so that it has been running. We now have more than 18,000 registered.

That same man, Ian, is still running the site singlehanded and unfunded. We all do our bit - offering practical, legal and emotional support to anyone who comes here - whether they are leaving a marriage or a co-habitation. We have also welcomed people whose same sex relationships have fallen apart. We have people who post in great and overwhelming pain and distress and people who are just plain furious at the injustice of it all. Whatever the reasons for the post, wikipeeps will be there to help - on the forums, in chat and via personal message.

Clearly wikivorce has struck a chord with a great many people. Many, many of us have been helped enormously by being here - I know I have. But it is not a one way street ... we all help each other when we need it. The site has developed a great deal in the few months I have been a member. It will continue to grow to meet the very real need out there. But the only way it can do that is through its members. If you have something to offer ... and it sounds like you do .. then please stick around and share your experiences.

Hadenoughnow

I think what you are doing here is fantastic. From what I've seen, it seems to be about positive thought and action rather than the complaining about the ex victim mentality that is, I feel, encouraged by our society.

I am trying to put together a few inspirational resources - people's personal experiences - on my website and welcome all additions. What we all lack going through difficult relationship break ups are healthy role models and acceptance that there are stages you have to go through which people who have never been in that place cannot really understand.

Anyone who has a story that will give hope to others that they have told on this site, that they are happy for me to add to my `stories' blog on SOS, (will send you a link when it's posted, and I can also hyperlink to a site/blog of your choice.) My email address is suzy (at) startingovershow.co.uk if you want to email me direct.

I will add this site to my resource list which I am slowly building up - any suggestions welcomed.

I look forward to participating more - but I confess to finding forums a bit confusing at times. I am a bit of a techno blonde at times!

The true stories I have compiled so far are here: www.startingovershow.co.uk/sosblog/index...es-of-starting-over/

suzy

not sure of the netiquette with all this .. can I suggest you PM the wikivorce team to discuss/seek permission before asking on the site for members of wiki to send you stories.

As many of us are vulnerable .. certainly when we first arrive here ... and many have trust issues for perfectly valid reasons, I am sure you will understand why you are being asked to do this.

Perhaps you would edit your post to remove this request until you have had this discussion?

Incidentally, in my opinion, we have plenty of our own positive role models here at wiki. I am sure Wiki would be happy for you to tell people to come here for help, support and even entertainment.

Hadenoughnow

I have edited the posting as requested (totally see your point) and absolutely, I shall list this site as an essential resource!

But I am keen to share positive stories of people managing to learn to get through breakups without bitterness (though we all go through that stage, I guess, for a while), and sharing those stories with others who are vulnerable is important, and I would welcome help with trying to change the perception that it is `acceptable' to be angry forever with an ex-partner.

I found that when I started to make my new relationship with my ex work well, people thought it was weird. They were more comfortable with me being the `victim' and didn't know how to handle the gradual change to a solid parenting partnership, albeit, from separate homes and in separate new relationships.

I had very few role models at the time, and I want to build up a collection of stories of positive role models to be useful to other people who want to really start over their relationships with ex partners and with themselves too.

Does that make any sense? Bit of mission, I guess.

I have just received a message via the site that I wanted to share my reply to, as it was a fair enough assumption made by the questioner:

They were concerned that I was using this site for commercial gain so I needed to explain my situation on that!

Mu answer was as follows:

"I am having an open discussion in the forum with the chap who runs wikivorce, and you may be surprised to know, that I receive absolutely no commercial gain for my website blog (or the site itself - not even google ads!).

My `income' (which goes entirely towards putting on the SOS event which is costing me personally a great deal of money, and as a first show unlikely to reap financial rewards at this stage) comes from the exhibitors who sign up for the live event.

Meanwhile, this collection of really useful people is a great resource for anyone going through life changes who wants to visit the show, and members of wikivorce are able to go free (ask me for the code).

I don't see that telling people about a fantastically useful day out in Brighton, which includes a work shop with Nick Williams, with tickets they can get free, as being something I should keep quiet about on this site!

It is important that we all police each other with regard to `promoting' services, but if I have something good to share that brings me no direct personal income, I prefer to do just that - share it.

Thank you for being on the case - I welcome your comments and any feedback you can give me on how I can make sure that the SOS event really provides value for the visitors, don't hesitate to contribute and let me know.

Suzy"

I think it's fantastic that finally I have found a divorce site that has a genuine ethos of protecting the vulnerable, and you are right to police it with vigor!

I have recommended this site on my resource list and although I would like to create a social network from the roots of SOS, I don't want to re-invent the wheel and would rather link in with like minded organisations.

I am making contact with some fantastic legal and financial service providers who have a genuine ethos of caring about the people they serve and angry at the large amount of totally disreputable companies that are out there preying on the vulnerable.

I would love to find a way of building a resource of trusted providers for SOS that I can get feedback on via a social networking site, as that is the best way to ensure quality I believe.