Uselessness

Hi there to every body out there,

How do you get over the feeling that your divorce is all your fault even if you know in saner moments that it isn't.

Because even though i know from the bottom of my heart it was, there is nothing i can do to change or stop it, and when that happens, i come on here and talk to my freinds.
Welcome wumpy, pull up a seat, have a brew and tell us about it in your own time. It may not feel like it now, but trust me, it does help.

M x

I made a list where I thought I went wrong. I was very honest with myself. Then I crossed the one out which I honestly believe I might make again in the future ( like accusing him of being selfish if he comes home from a day on the golf course at 7.30 when at 8 his parents are coming for dinner so I had the full work and the kids...just because it was selfish and I was under stress...and I intend to be human in the future as well ).
Then I looked at the list again. It was very small since it was not huge in the beginning anyway. Nothing which a little bit of work and commitment on both sites could have solved
Certainly nothing which justified running of abroad and leaving wife of 24 years and kids behind.

And then..I forgave myself for my mistakes



Come on..it always needs two to live a marriage. Both are responsible for the interaction. But it needs someone to quit.

Are you the leaver?

Hi wumpy
Self doubt, beating yourself up, up and downs these are all normal feelings. Everyone on Wiki has good and bad days.
So you are in the right place to share all of them.
Sharing and talking over your problems will make them just a little easier day by day.
We are all friendly and will give you support when you need it.
Emotions are unpredictable, bit like a rollercoaster ride.
Sometimes we have to grit our teeth and hold on tight!!!!
other times it does not feel quite so bad.
So welcome to Wiki, as Matt said pull up a chair and have a moan or two.

Zara

Hi Wumpy,
welcome to wiki.
your feelings are normal .What could I have done to prevent this??
It takes 2 to make a marriage work.
The other partner will be so ready to pile most of the blame on you so do not add to it too by blaming yourself entirely.
What ever mistakes we made hopefully would not be in vain, should put us in a better position in our next relationship.
Wish I could say my divorce is all down to x2b ,who will I be kidding!!!
Accepting the situation will happen eventually
takke care

Hi Wumpy

You can analyse too much but at the end of the day we're not all the same. He may not like things you did & likewise you didn't like somethings he did, but that's normal. We have to remember that it's about give and take. So don't think for one minute it's all your fault.

Take care
BRM

Fault, schmult! You can't change the past but you can change the future.

No one is perfect but I'm guessing by the fact that you've found Wiki and posted the question you have that you are the sort of person that considers other peoples feelings, so I'm sure that any minor imperfections you have don't warrant the pain you are going through at the moment.

Don't beat yourself up about what has happened and concentrate on making a good life for you (and your kids if you have any).

Keep posting, there is always someone here to listen and offer encouragement, any time of the day or night.

Look after you.

Mad x