big shock .... why me? why now?

I just can't believe whats happened to me in th last 3 months.

Was with my wife for 8 yrs (married 2) with a boy of 3. Until April, we very rarely argued (which I now reflect wasn't a good thing) and were very very happy. Then totally out of the blue and she said she wasn't happy.

The harder I tried, the further apart we grew - with incredible speed. I have been desperate to try and work at it but she just won't .... then I find out there's someone else .. even bigger shock. She continues to deny it despite me seeing them at her friends and her mobile fone showing numerous late night calls etc etc

For me if I'm honest I'm struggling like hell ...lurching from day to day ... i've lost 2 stone ... and although i do have some ok days i do have a lot of bad days ... lonleliness is my biggest fear

I've gone from blaming her to constantly asking myself what did i do wrong .... why didn't i pay her more attention etc

To make matters even worse, 2 years ago I set her up inbusiness which is doing great .... so earlier this year it was my turn I gave a 20yr vey succesful career up to start my business ... I did it for 2 weeks b4 she said she wasn't happy .... so I've been trying to start up this business for 3 months which requires so much energy that I simply don't have.

I know time is a good healer ... but just can't stop blaming myself ... what can I do to fast forward time by a year or 2?
Don't mean to feel sorry for myself but im on a nright downer !!

Jamie, Hi, you are going through it, and I wish I could help and hope I am by replying.
don't blame yourself, if there is deception going on you can't fight that as it isn't a level playing field. you must try to look after yourself and your little boy as best you can as that will be important.
I tell myself that only time will help the pain, and I truly believe that, though wish it would pass more quickly, that's not possible.
in a similar situation myself, but with longer marriage and older children. husband left 2 months ago and coming to terms is hard. not sorry he's gone as I realise he's been lying and cheating for years, hiding aftershave, new clothes phone etc ( I found them all!!) but the mess he's left behind is horrific. I think the older children are, the more comprehension they have of the pain being caused to all concerned.
i'm fairly new to wiki myself, and not sure how everything works, but have found some comfort here, laughter and tears, it's an extra support if we don't have people close to turn to.
i am determined I will come through this sad experience as a better person, and look forward to the rest of my life. we all owe it to ourselves to come out on top and not become the victim, I think that has to be the best outcome. my self respect and esteem are non existent at the moment, things are too raw, but that will improve.
can only hope that with each passing day and week, things improve, that its easier to get out of bed in the morning and that the sun shines on us.
take care, stay in touch, H XX

Welcome to Wiki

You've got every reason to feel sorry for yourself, part of the healing process I'm afraid.

There is never a good time to go through the break-up of a relationship, but they do tend to happen at the worst possible time.

What has happened must have hurt you greatly but you have a little boy to think of and while this will make things more difficult there's no greater reason to be strong, pick yourself up and plan for the future.

Things will sort themselves eventually and you will go on, you've come to the right place if you need any reasurance, help or just to vent.

Good luck to you, take care

Mad x

I think this has happened to most of us. Wow I tried hard to resolve matters but to no avail ans she scrabled my brain for months.Even her post on Friends Reunited has changed to the lie that she is happier and more relaxed than she has ever bee. Thats a lie. We all beat ourselves up. Hard part is stopping it. Im personal messaging someone on here who is also going through it. Its a togh ride for us all. Oh why do emotions get in the way.

Polar / mad / hanna ... thanx for your contributions .... your words do help and it's much appreciated

Boils down to wrong person , wrong place , wrong time. Simple as that. You met the wrong person in the wrong place at the wrong time. On hindsight maybe I should have looked closer at her past life before comitting. As a friend said (she was a confident of my wife) there were issues present before she met me which she never resolved during our marriage. So it took her 25 years to act. Thanks you lieing cheating ,money grabbing cow. Up until 8 hours before she left she continued this charade. Wellone consolation is that she still hasn't resolved them so she will have to live with them. Sad thing is the aftermath she left.

Hi Jamieh
Welcome to Wiki.
I am so sorry to hear what has happened to you. It is the most soul destroying moment.
The trouble is, we are never prepared for the emotions that come from nowwhere, feelings that you have never experienced before, so how are you meant to cope with them.
The panic, sadness, etc can come on at any time anywhere once they become a part of your life. No control whatsoever, it is termed as a 'rollercoaster ride' and most on here have experienced that, not nice.
You need to reach out and hear from other people that you are not the only one, no solace I know, well not at this moment in time, it will get better.
My ex left woooosh out the door in 10 mins, It would take me a week to describe all the emotions I went through.
You will feel as weak as a kitten for quite a while, so dont push yourself to do anything that you are not able to do.
Here on Wiki you will get tremendous support, there is usually someone on here 24/7 people that cannot sleep, so dont lay there worrying, get online, post how you feel, that is an amazing way to 'get it out'.
You take care, try and keep calm, and keep posting.
zara