Hello!

Here goes! Hello! I’m a bit shy really! I’ve been a member of Wiki for a while but haven’t had the courage to introduce myself until now- I’m still scared, although I’m aware that you are a really supportive group & hope you’ll forgive me if I get things wrong- I’ve never done anything like this before, so I’m not sure that I’ll get things right technically or etiquette-wise. Apologies in advance!

My story? Well, last December, out of the blue, my husband told me that he didn’t think he loved me anymore. In January he told me that he might have to leave. After 15 years of marriage (& 18years together), he eventually left in April. Despite the fact that the situation had been ongoing since December, the shock of him actually leaving has had a devastating impact on me. I have been able to function on a practical level (e.g. trying to sort out finances etc) but the emotional stuff is not getting any easier. I have good days & bad days- Since December, I have had only one day when I haven’t cried. Our teenage son is superficially ok, but underneath is extremely sad & angry in equal measures. Luckily, my son & I have a good relationship & I am able to deal with his rages (most of the time, anyway!), understanding where they are coming from.

At the time, my husband could give no reason for leaving apart from “I’m just not happy”, which really didn’t seem to fit – I thought our marriage was a happy one (communication, laughter, sex etc – I thought it was all good), & so did anyone who knew us. Back in December, I was aware of a work colleague whom my husband ‘liked’ (he worked away for the latter half of last year, coming home at weekends only). Despite his denials, I believe that something happened between him & his colleague during this time. I am even more convinced of this now because he has moved his work base to her area (over 200 miles away) & has now moved in with her. What has hurt me most is the way he has lied to me- the information I have learnt (i.e. secret phone calls, visiting her at weekends when he said he was working & unable to see our son, sleeping with her, moving in with her) has not been volunteered but imparted only when I have backed him into a corner. The disappointment I feel is immeasurable. You think you know somebody after 18 years, don’t you? At the very least I would have liked to have been respected with the truth.

Sorry this is so long, but I’ve been waiting for ages to pluck up the courage to write this! (I have been, & still am, struggling with my self-esteem big time!)

Hi and welcome to the boards, You have just taken a great massive step towards feeling better, well done ! As you already know there are loads of people here who have or are going through the same as you and what you are feeling is natural and normal !!

Come into chat sometime there it's great fun even if there are some oddballs ( Dukey,Rosie, Mish etc ) But the others are ok and will help and offer support whenever they can.

Phoenix1

Hello Iwillbeok and welcome to wiki!

Well done for having the courage to post.

Sorry that you've had such a terrible and devastating experience. As I was reading your post I was mentally ticking the 'that happened to me' boxes, and there are quite a few ticked! You'll find lots of us on here who know exactly what your going through, and there's plenty of support when you need it. Keep reading/posting/blogging, whatever you feel up to, and maybe come and say hello in the chat room sometime. You'll be warmly welcomed.

You will be ok

M x

Hi there and a big welcome to wiki and for taking that first step, always scarey.
Your story, well, could be the complete mirror image of mine, girl from work, total trust, teenage children. You keep asking why why why!!!! I never knew a thing until 10minutes before he left woooooooooosh right out the door.
Hateful. It is hard to function, you will eventually stop spinning around, but it takes time, so dont try and do things too fast. Small steps at a time.
We are all here to help and support you through the dark times, when you have no-one around you to turn to. I have found that there is always someone lurking around on the site - 24/7, so if you cannot sleep, log in.
This is the place to post exactly how you feel, and you will find that as you 'get it all out' you start very slowly to feel stronger.
you take care and remember you are not alone.
zara:)

iwillbeok ... You're right ... you will be ok

Unfortunately it does take time and we can't speed up time.

I concur with everything that everyone has said, and what you have written could have been written for me.

I still can't decide what I'm most hurt about - whether my wife (who I trusted to the nth degree) cheated on me with an affair or whether it's because of teh fact that she persistently lied to me even swearing on our child's life.

Not only is she a cheat but also a liar - yet just a few months ago she was my whole world .... everything I did was for my family - I made mistakes, but nothing serious, just forgot to say how nice she looked or not buying her flowers - I am only human. I thought our marriage had more substance than to have my mistakes punished by a swift end to it.

My emotions initially were blame myself to hating her to now feeling sorry for her ... I know that eventually she'll realise that the grass actually wasn't any greener, but by then it will have been too late

I have learned two things ... this site is unbelievably helpful and it is helping me come to terms with what I have experienced. Furthermore time is a good healer.

Keep reading and contributing to this site - it does help.

Good luck and best wishes

Thanks to you all for your warm welcome. Your understanding has touched me greatly. It is good to know that I am not going through this alone. I do believe that time will heal- just wish I could fast forward!! I know I will be okay eventually, but I am also well aware that, right now, I am not okay (cue teenage angst style shouting with ‘My Chemical Romance’!). Having said that, I must be getting better- Now, when I say “I’ve had enough” I don’t mean that I’ve had enough & want to end it all, but just that I’ve had enough of hurting, so that’s cool! I really hope I can return to being the happy, energetic, positive person I used to be & suppose I just need to be patient. Thanks again x

Hi,
it is so good that you are recognising that you are already getting better. My situation is also so much like yours.
I am still having bad days, but there are more and more reasonable days and that is good enough for now.
Every time I go pass having a really bad time, I take it like I have just overcome another big step up towards feeling normal again.
Do keep writing and letting it all out.
I am quite an introvert person too but after the first few days of feeling a little awkward, I feel good about posting or replying.
It is also very reassuring to read so many stories that are so much like mine (and yours) and to see that people in that situation are feeling just like me, that I am not just crazy.
I think that the fact that you found the courage to write your post shows that you ARE getting better.
I wish you all the best.
Petrof.