Still in shock, and it hurts

Shadow,

I think you popped into chat last night ... do try again. You will find people there to listen and to cheer you up when you need it.
This is a very hard time for you ... but like the others have said, try to look after yourself ..

Hadenoughnow

Hi,
I in the middle of divorce. I also had the unfortunate timming of being diagnosed with MS 2 weeks after divorce was filed. There are plenty of divorcees out there with MS. To me the diagnosis and divorce present themselves as a massve tangle of issues, what if's and whats going to happen. Divorce is quite common with MS sufferers.

So just to let you know that somehow I've come back from despire. Its a rollercoaster journey that allows you to learn who you are again after a longstanding codependancy relationship, albeit a painful one. As positive as i may sound, I still have downers and periods of unsettledness. My "current stage" is to live in hope, day-by-day in an ever changing world! A complete contrast to living a structured daily pattern that goes on for years until you retire.

Only when I can continue living indepedantly, can I begin to relearn independant values and independant ways of living and look after my health. So to those out there in depire and have wondered "why?", and "I worked so hard", and "whats going to happen in the future?" give yourselves a pat on back for trying (no one else will!) and hope for a brighter future. Dont think of yourselves as slaves to the divorce system. Check your morals, change them and stick to them. Its tough but worth it.

Cabbage

Shadow,

please do not apologise for having a bad day or feeling upset or talking too much. Everybody on this site has been there or is feeling like you right now or will maybe feel like that tomorrow. There is nothing to feel guilty about. Please feel free to post, to ask, to be angry.... People will listen.
Keep writing, it does help.
Thinking of you.

Petrof.

Sometimes the person that abandons us has been thinking about it for a long time. They've had time to fall out of love; time to start their healing process (whilst staying with us to buffer their pain).

When they coldly deliver the news; (saying they don't love us anymore; or they still love us but want an end to the marriage)we are left stunned.

It is a major life changing shock. Especially after 23 yrs. (Probably all your adult life) The loss should be treated like Bereavement: you will pass through stages of Shcok, Anger. Despair, Guilt, Denial,inconsolable grief....

...until eventually; there will be healing, acceptence and recovery. But this will take time. In your other thread; you mentioned difficulty in coping today. You've done the right thing in posting here.... we're mostly all still in recovery. It doesn't help that until the slow process of Divorce is sorted; we're not yet truely able to move on.

This is Limbo. We're in it together; just finding it difficult to cope, on different levels of recovery. Just keep posting; and you'll get showered with Wiki love!

You're not alone sweetheart.

Sera
x

Petrof wrote:

Please feel free to post,

.. they gave me that invite a year ago!! Now look: 903 posts later; and we've still not reached Decree Nici.

I'll die of old age before I get divorced.

Shadow, I can sympathise with you. I got the same from my wife 12 days ago. It was a complete and utter shock to me.
We have been married for 24 years. (our 24th ann. yesterday)
On reflection, as sera says, I realised that my wife had been going though what I am for the last 2 months or so and that she had mentally prepared herself for it. Rest assured though, it's as hard for him as it is for you.

We are weeks if not months behind in the grieving and healing process and everyting seems so irrational. It isn't though. What happens next maybe, that is up to you and your husband.

Try real hard not to dwell on the 'what ifs' and the 'why didn't we's' It's not easy, but you can't change anything that has happened up to now, only what is going to happen in the future.

I feel a lot better posting in here, and then reading the repsonses. We all do, I'm sure.

Hang in there, and don't be a stranger.

OMG You are all so nice and supportive, just when you are feeling pain too. I am feeling very guilty for what is happening in my life, and blaming myself for being selfish, going through all the things I should or shouldn't have done. I am also feeling guilty for burdening people on here with my woes, when you each have your own pain to deal with. I will try and be as supportive to others, as you all have to me - just need some time, then I will stop just thinking of my situation and consider others too.
Thank you so much.