what should I do?????

Apologise in advance for grammer, spelling etc!!!!!

I have lived with my partner for 15 years married for the last two years, we have two children together.
Two weeks ago he came home in a bad mood we had a silly argument both said things we regret. I thought it was just a silly argument and carried on s normal, we didnt talk much, he worked very late one night which was unusual but apart from that everything was ok.

Last weekend we had arranged to go away with friends. We travelled there separately, but by the time i got there he had told everyone about the argument which made me feel unconfortable.
On the secound day we went out for a meal with friends he had a couple of drinks and was horrendous to me and our ten year old daughter in front of everyone. He told me that our relationship was over.
Me and children decided to return home that night and havent seen or heard from him since.

I have heard off friends he is staying with a male friend and is out drinking and having fun. I have wrote him a letter telling him how I feel, he has not replied.

I am trying to stay strong but just feel I have put everything into this relationship. I work hard in the house and job for my family.
I believe I put my family first and I can’t give anything more.
This week I have realised I have put up with a lot in the past, rumours about him and other women, lies, etc.

In the past I have always forgiven him and wanted to make the effort to try at our relationship, he has always wanted to leave and end it.

I have started to come to terms with this and realise it takes two to make a relation ship - it’s not worth me trying anymore on my own.

But I just feel so bad, my children dont want us to divorce but I cant cope with the mind games anymore. I havent told really told anyone I am just trying to keep busy.

I have found out he is going away this weekend and that has upset me that he doesnt seem to care. I think he think he can do anything and I will be there (When I left the resturant that evening I was driving he told someone she will come back. and I did)

I have a good job that can be stressful, I dont know how I am going to cope next week when I have to go back to work.

Please can someone advise me in the past he has tried to keep a hold on me regarding money. We both earn the same salary we have a mortgage for 120k and the house is worth 220k would I have to give him half.

How can I keep strong?????? I really dont want to contact him and show him I am strong and dont need him.
But I am crumbling fast!!!

Sorry if I have gone on, any advice would help

Hi Robbieruby, i'm so sorry you're going through this, welcome to Wikki though, a great place for advice & support. It sounds to me like your husband knows that he can do whatever he wants to you & you'll still keep running back, i know, i did the same with my ex for many years. Its really hard to do but, you need to make a stand & not contact him for awhile, let him realise he has to come to you this time. If he doesn't get in touch, maybe he really doesn't want to stay married? Either way you will find out if he really loves & wants you or not. My ex went off with a younger woman 18 months ago, i tried & tried to win him back, we were still friendly but he wouldnt give her up! In the end i stopped chasing him, started going out, dated other men etc & just got on with my life. Since then hes tried to win me back on a daily basis but its too late for me, i cant go back now as i'm happier single!
At least you will know where you stand & deal with it if you refuse to contact him.
Good luck,
Cindy

Hi robbieruby. Sorry that this happned to you. Seems like he has made his decision. You wont force him to change his mind. What you have to decide is what you want. Do you want a yo-yo relationship or do you want someone that is steady, treats you properly doesnt lie to you and cheat on you. Is this the man to give you what you deserve?

Many people find themselves in this position. He knows that you work hard to keep the relationship going and keep a good home for him etc. But its not enough for him. He seems to like living the high life while you slave your guts out. It shouldnt be like this. You should be pulling together. But I bet your not.

So you have to decide what you want. Decide if this is the man to carry you thru the rest of your life and if its always going to be like this. You didnt say what you put in the letter.

I dont think your spelling and grammer is too bad. It doesnt matter as this is not a english spelling site but a divorce site. I hope things work out for you. C

Hi robbieruby.

I think his behaviour is classed as taking the p*ss. The trouble is, the harder you try the more he'll do it. So I'd also say don't contact him. Hopefully he will realise very soon what he's missing and stop behaving like a spoilt child then return with his tail between his legs and a very big apology.

I hope you have better times soon.

Hi Robbieruby!
You are strong enough to carry on because you realised the first, most important step:

In the past I have always forgiven him and wanted to make the effort to try at our relationship, he has always wanted to leave and end it.
I have started to come to terms with this and realise it takes two to make a relation ship - it’s not worth me trying anymore on my own.

You are right....its NOT worth trying anymore on your own. Having to begun to come to terms with these issues is the first step in making YOUR life better.
After several attempts at trying to fix the way my stbe acted in our marriage,abuse, drinking, lying, etc., I finally stopped. To me, this was the hardest part........the part of coming to terms and giving up. I am so very much happier now w/o him.
One can only hope to change a persons actions so much before it grieves us back into a unhealthy, unhappy life for ourselves.
I hope you can be happy again. This board has so much advice!

Thanks I guess I know that, I keep worrying about everything!!!

Thanks for the advice - I have decided to go out tonight with friends form work. (Hope I can keep it together, not going to tell anyone)
Last night I read your advice on freeing yourself from hurt !!! It was really good