Thinking my husband is in love with another

Hi there

I love my husband dearly but he's been suffering from depression for some time and made some very questionable decisions with a female friend of his lately. Due to his constant crying and inability to feel anything for me (by his own admission) he has left me and has been living on his own for 6 weeks. I have remained in the matrimonial home whilst he's renting somewhere. He told me that he needed to be alone and whilst I didn't agree with him moving out, I have tried to understand. Since then i've found out that he's been spending lots and lots of time with the above mentioned female friend whilst avoiding spending time with me.

For various reasons which I wont go into I believe he's romantically entwined with this woman and expect him to ask me for a divorce soon.

Whilst I would not want to lose him he's a very determined man and over 10 years of living with this man makes me believe that I cannot change his mind once it's set.

With this in mind, whilst living alone, i'm getting over the intial grieving process and started to wonder what sort of financial state I could find myself in if we get divorced. I would be grateful for any advice you can give.

Our situation is as follows:

My husband was lucky enough to get a trust fund from his parents when he was 23. Incidently, we met when we were both 23. We are both now 34. He bought our house outright in March 1998 and we moved in together in April 1998. Therefore we've never had a mortgage. The house was originally just in his name.

The house was in a terrible state of repair and needed redecorating from top to bottom. After moving in we spent every single day/night when not at work decorating every single room. The house took 6 years of hard work from both of us to bring up to scratch and we worked on it equally.

Since the day we moved in together we have always split the bills 50/50. We have also paid equally into a savings fund which has paid for the house to be decorated.

We were engaged in April 1999 and got married in June 2001 so we've been married for just over 7 years and together for just over 10 years. In the run up to the wedding I saved exclusively for the wedding (at a cost of £15k) and he paid for an extension we had put on the house (at a cost of £18k).

When we got married in 2001, the house was transferred into joint names as part of a Joint Tenancy Agreement (rather than the other option of Tenancy in common).

We continued to pay half the bills each, put away the same amount of savings and work equally on the house until it was complete. Since he left me he has continued to pay half the bills for our home as well as the rent on his current abode.

Franky,I am absolutely terrified that as he bought the house outright, I am entitled to nothing in the event of divorce and will end up without a bean. My husband has close to £80k in savings and earns a great deal of money (£70k plus a year) whereas I am just an administration assistant earning an average wage.

Can anyone tell me if i'm entitled to 50/50 of the house in the event of divorce and if not, is there a precedent as to whether i'm entitled to anything? This has been giving me sleepless nights and I would really like a definitive answer. Some people say that 7 years is a short marriage so i'm not entitled to half the marital home. Some say that time spent living together before marriage is taken into account which would then take us over 10 years together.

Please help me - i'm going a bit mad believing i'm going to be sleeping in a skip.

Sorry, I should have added that there are no children - unfortunately

Hi sadsadsad, I dont know the answers but keep watching this thread as you will get a response soon. I'm sorry your going through this, its awful when a partner meets someone new, it happened to me too! I'm pretty sure your partner wont get away scott free though, 7 years isnt classed as a short marriage, you have to be entitled to something. Try getting a free half hour advice from a solicitor, good luck
Cindy

Hi sad. Sorry to hear your story. I'm not sure on the legalities side, but I'd imagine you'll be entitled to half the house and a share of his savings/pension. I'm sure someone with the proper legal knowledge will reply soon with an answer to your question.

In the meantime, welcome to wiki. Please log on and read/join in the posting or chat. There is a lot of support and advice available here to help you through this

Take care

After your contribution; and your length of marriage and co-habitation; 50%-50% is the starting point for discussion.

The courts address the housing needs of each party; along with dividing savings, pensions etc.

I doubt you'd be in a skip, but if you can't deal with the finances amicably; then a fully contested Hearing would run into tens of thousands of pounds.

Hi, Seriously don't think you will be living in a skip! I am no expert but I would say 50/50 was a starting point for you.

As for the other women.....when another women steals your husband the best revenge is to let her keep him!! That exactly what I am doing!

Thanks all for the welcome.

As far as it goes I wont fight for him. It may sound contrived when I still love him so much but I don't believe you can make someone love you. Common sense is keeping me sane at the moment.

I've telephoned the number at the top of the page and made an appointment to speak to someone professionally.

Strange isn't it - I feel like i've gone into survival mode! i just want to be sure i'll be able to afford a home of my own and be able to start again on my own.

Thank you all and if anyone has any more words of advice i'd be really pleased to hear them.

I was convinced that 7 years would be lassed as a short term marriage.

x