It's a roller coaster and I want to get off!!

Hi

Am pleased you have yourself sorted with legal stuff and youll find lots of help on here regarding all that .
I believe you can ask the bank or bs that money only be withdrawn with both signatures , solicitor will probably advise on that .

Stay strong , get to the gym and see friends , but be prepared for as you say " a rollercoaster " . Somehow in the first couple of weeks I just felt numb and carried on with ordinary stuff , it sort of hit me harder after about 3-4 weeks when it all became more real.
I guess at first I didnt really believe what was happening .

Grab every bit of help and support you can , and take care of yourself
shiny

Hi there. Know what you're going through. My husband left 4 weeks ago, after 15 years together. Won't even tell me where he is. Only contact is through occasional email. He insists he's stressed and clearing his head! Yeh! Convinced more and more he's with someone else. Just something about the way he writes, words he uses. I have been in bits, can't function. We only finished building our dream home less than a year ago and now it will have to be sold. I can't believe he could do this. Anyway back to you. It's good you have friends for support, take them up on every offer, don't think you're putting on them. Try to be alone as little as possible. I have tried to handle this on my own, just talking to friends etc but today I went to the Dr to get some medication help. I realise it's not a sign of weakness to say you need help.
Good luck SS

Hallo and welcome

I think everyone here knows how you feel and I certainly do. Shock, disbelief, denial, grief, anger....

as someone said when I joined the site, there's always someone with you here to scream when you are on the scary bit of the rollercoaster.

My kids are 16 and 14 and only just beginning to react. My husband and I had a horrible year last year, in March I brought up subject of separation. April he told me he had another woman and he moved out at the beginning of July, having stayed whilst 16 year old was doing GCSEs.

He gave me all the tosh about nothing will change. He seemed to think I'd be happy to allow him to use the house as his storage facility and listen to him burble on about what a lovely weekend he's had with "our children" ie her children, whilst he's hardly been around for our kids and complained to me when 16 year old was angry with him.

Had to explain, as though to a mentally=deficient child, that there was a lot of pain involved in knowing that your dad prefers to spend nearly all his time with someone else's children instead of with his own.

He actually said that he thought my Mum would be OK with meeting new woman. I mean, what planet are these guys from? How did we not notice, when we married them?

Mine's 53 by the way, and wearing trendier clothes than 16 year old.

It is shocking how some people behave. I do not recognise the person my husband is. He has beeen arrogant and patronising in his emails and text messages and seems to think that I should have already been able to process what has been happening. He fails to recognise that unlike me and the kids he has had the luxury of months of thinking about and detaching himself from me in particular but also about the effects this is having on the children. I think you are right the first two weeks I feel I have been in shock and I am now beginning to digest the real horror of the situation. He has remained at work, seen the kids when suited and has been able to have time out for himself and not to mention time to pursue a new relationship with somebody who has three year old twins and has left her husband of 18 years. Can't help but feel I have been completed shafted, not to mention going ahead with the sale of our house when knowing what was going to happen. I think one of the most difficult thinks is the sense of powerlessness and the feeling of having been a passive party in all of this, all decisions having been made without any discussion whatsoever. Please forgive my rant, just needed to write something down. I want to be constant and supportive with the children and am making it clear that we both love them etc and doing all I can. Difficult at times though when all you want to do is shout out what a spineless W**KER he turned out to be.
Kind Wishes to all

Hi there. I know what you mean, I don't recognise my husband either. Just a few months ago he was still besotted with me, I can't believe things could change so quickly. I know he's lying to me because he feels guilty. Only contact through emails and texts, no idea where he is and who he is with. Says he's alone, messed up and trying to sort his head out, oh yeh! I feel in bits, willing the phone to ring and it be him, waiting for an email that says I'm coming home. I can't focus on anything. Kids grown up and flown nest but very supportive. Must be so much harder for you having to carry on for the kids sake, knowing he chose to leave not just you but them as well. We have grandkids and he won't ever be in touch with them again, I am sure. He will one day hate himself for all this, I hope! What happened to that kind sensitive loving man I married. Where has he put all his love for me? God it hurts.
Take care

Thats the thing- how can they change in a matter of a couple of months from Mr Wonderful to Mr W*nker. My husband was loving, kind and generous right up to the point where he screwed up everything, and although I am hopeful that the kind loving wonderful husband will suddenly re-appear things can never be the same he has stepped over the line and the honest truth is I am fooling myself if I think that we could ever just pick up again. Its just really hard right now to even imagine life without someone you pinned everything on even though deep down I know I've got no choice in the long run.

Lucy

Hi wheretostart

Dont recognise my husband either? where has the man i married and lived with gone? cos the man who now sends abrupt and slightly threatening emails and texts is someone else!!

As for going ahead with your plans to emigrate and selling your house , when he knew he had other plans , well thats just discusting , with 2 children as well , he should be thoroughly ashamed of himself , but from other stories on here hes probably just pleased with himself at having found a new woman!!!

I know it makes you feel sick when plans regarding your families future have been made without involving you , but you have some power now , try and get your head around legal stuff , get yourself protected with regards to your finances .
He will be the looser in the end and you and your children will come through this

take care
shiny