It's a roller coaster and I want to get off!!

Hi all, just wanted to introduce myself. Quick history - Two weeks ago, husband came home at midnight and asked me to go down stairs, told me in no uncertain terms that he didnt love me any more and had fallen in love with somebody else, told me not to get upset beause he had to keep it together for the children. Children woke up 8am he crouched down (kids 7 and 9) told them the same thing, saying nothing will change etc. Me and kids completly shattered and devastated. We have just sold house and nearing completion of emmigration process, not a whisper from him before this. Had just returned from holiday, been together over 14 years (Both aged 41) and had been ticking along, quite nicely I thought! He is still seeing kids, all very difficult at the moment and I still can't believe what is happening. Keep waking up and unsure what to do. Signed off work for abit, frightened about the future, income reduced and living in rented house with two young children who cannot believe their father has left. Im determined to keep it together for the children but wish I could forward time so I didnt feel so awful, tearful, low and alone. Anybody else feel like this?

Hi there and welcome

You have come to the right place for endless advice and support from lots of lovely helpful people. What a dreadful experience , you ask " does anyone else feel like this" , I can assure you that everyone here knows just what youre feeling and has experienced it to some degree and will help you now.

You are not on your own .
At the moment you wont know what to do , its too difficult to deal with so much at once .

Try and stay strong , find out as much as you can on this site so you understand your rights . You may want to contact a solicitor for an initial free hald hour , there is a number at the top of this page to call.

He told you not to get too upset!!!! Unbelievable

You take care and remember lots of support here for you.
shiny

Hi

Forgot to add , where is the money held from the sale of your house? Is it in joint names or in one of your names only ? Ultimately if the children are with you , half or probably more of that will be needed by you to purchase a property for you and the children , you need to protect this now. Someone will advise you on how best to do that .

Hi. I think anybody who experiences the shock of suddenly finding out your there husband is not only leaving, but has found someone else to replace them with is going to feel pretty overwhelmed with the implications of what this will bring to yourself and children. My ex left suddenly, but lied about his affair. That was february 2007. I knew he was unhappy, but has no idea how bad it was.

All you can do is take each day as it comes. Be easy on yourself and dont try to do too much. Let yourself grieve for as long as it takes. Talk to your children, be honest and open, without loading too much onto them, they will be your reason to get up each morning and carry on, and slowly a bit of light will come into your life. There will be good days and bad days, but you will get through it together.

My kids were 13 and 11 when my ex left, they are very aware of what has gone on, perhaps they know too much, but I felt the carefuly worded truth was better than them creating there own version of what was happening. They need to understand what is going on, even if it is that you dont understand. Obviously your children are younger so it may need to be taken more slowly.

I know it is a cliche, but it does get easier bit by bit, although you wont be able to see that at the moment. I think for me the deceit and betrayal was the worse part, we had been married 17 years and together 5 years before that, I think i deserved a bit of honesty, but guilt makes men act in very strange ways.

I have moved on and started a new relationship,now I see that my marraige had run its course and we were not the same people we had been, we are in our early 40's.

So hold on in there, ask for help when you need it, it can help to concentrate on the practical things, as you feel able to do things more.

My thoughts are with you and you are not alone no matter how it may feel like you are, I still have bad days, but the best revenge and the most strenght is to be gained from surviving and going on to have a happy life.

Take care and keep posting.

Saabgirl.

Hey dont fret- I joined this site last week- My husband did the same kind of thing recently- everything going along fine then wham- by the way dont love you, oh and Im seeing someone else. He's on holiday with her right now paid for out of our joint account which is nice!
After all his SH**tty behaviour, I still love him and would sort things out if he was interested but he says no- He's also 41 its the great mid life crisis debate isnt it??
Whatever happens, pick yourself up brush yourself off and remember who is the big loser here- Not you!
And cry if is makes you feel better- I know I do frequently!!!!

Best wishes

Lucy

Thankyou all for your kind replies. All our money is in a joint account at the moment but he hasnt touched and says he won't !!. Ive seen a solicitor and dealing with contact and finaces at the moment. God how awful Lucy, going on holiday like that Jesus, I can not believe the way people act. Indeed the mid life crisis debate does rage on particularly with my friends. One thing you realise is how wonderful your friends are in situations like this. They have been so supportive particularly as I seem to spend most of the time bursting into tears. I can't remember ever feeling as bad as this but I gain hope and strength from hearing about other peoples experiences. Getting myself down the gym and determined not to fall apart completely. Take Care everybody.

Hey thats nothing- I also found out this week while he was away that he'd not only put her on our family car insurance but it was going to cost ME an extra £55- what a t*rd!! Where do we find them?

But I definitely agree with you- friends appear that you never knew you had- it kind of humbles you doesnt it that so many people care!

Lucy