Did he ever love me?

Believe me, I don't think I'm acting fast enough!!!

Told him after the 1st time, if he ever did it again to me it would be over for good. Did he listen?

The B*****d lied constantly.
He lived a Jekyll & Hyde lifestyle.

Less than 3 weeks ago he took us all to Legoland playing happy families. Posh hotel all paid by him.
In 4 weeks time we were all going on an all-inclusive holiday to Morocco.

He wants the best of both worlds - wife and lover.

She's welcome to him, warts and all!!!

Hi Sadrhino. It wasnt you. By the sounds of it you were a good wife in every way. People like you are solid gold and hard to find. But dont let one man put you off mankind. We are not all cheating bastards. Most men would never dream of doing this. Never mind doing it multple times.

Yea there is something wrong with him. Anyone that turns there back on what you provided is sad and bad to the bone. But like I said above. We aint all like yr stbx.

If you made any mistakes at all it was taking him back after the 1st affair. That was a no no. And all that did was allowed him to think he could do it again and get away with it and you would always take him back. Big mistake on his behalf as you didnt this time. Good for you.

He will have a tough time. You have provided for him for all these years and as so often happens to cheats they have a tough time. Looking after yrself is hard believe me. Well you know this already becuase you are a woman and women know how to budget. But thats his problem.

The tough thing for you will be guilt. You will feel guilty for what you have done. But you know deep down that you have done the right thing but it dont come easy. This is fairly common to think this way. Just write it down and look at it now and again. This is what I do and it keeps me on the straight and narrow.

Another problem you may have is keeping this man out of yr life. At first he will love the new found freedom. But the novalty soon wheres off when the bills come in and there aint no food in the fridge. So you have to be strong and tough. No way must this man be allowed back into yr life. He will cause you untold sadness. So practice yr Foxtrot Oscar line.

You will learn to unlove this man. It wont happen straight away but time fixes everything. Including love and broken hearts. It just drips away and you have a lot of crap to go thru. That will cure any love you feel towards this man as you will see him in a new way. The nasty peice of lying cheating scumbag that he is. Sorry for that last bit lol C xx

Hi Marsh

I don't hate all men, some of my best friends are male and I would not be without them.

I know I'm not perfect, but believed in good old fashioned values in marriage - wife looked after home etc. etc., husband looked after wife. (bit naive ain't I)

I know he'll be hanging around because of my little one, that cannot be helped.

Thankyou so much for all your comments, you're spot on every time.

xx

Hi Sadrhino. Thank you. Your not Naive. You did exactly what a good wife should do and thats the way it should be. Women make great nest builders and men make good women suporters. Dont ever lose the good qaulities that you have. Never change. And dont change becuase of what happned to you. Thats so wrong. And one day you may meet someone that will love you and only and treat you properly. C xx

Hi sadrhino,
I was touched to read your little boy's concern that you aren't eating.. just a small suggestion, things like milky drinks will help get you through the first awful days.

I seem to remember a lot of Ovaltine and Horlicks - don't know if could have kept much else down.

You are doing the right thing, look after yourself.

Mneme
x

Hi Sadrhino, your stbx has acted very much like mine, i know how it hurts to be cheated on & more than once too!! You are doing the right thing now, you deserve so much better. Try to look after yourself more now & eat properly, for your sons sake.
You will stop loving him one day & then you will meet someone that deserves a good wife!!
Cindy

Hi sadrhino and welcome to wiki.

I recognise and share so many of your feelings too.

I am also perplexed by how the hell you can fall out of love with someone you fell in love with, gave your life to, trusted them with your very soul, trusted them to be a parent with you to your children for life .. and for most of the time it was perfectly fine, then you find out they had something missing and didn't tell you about it or share it with you so you had no real opportunity to fix it.
Having an affair is about selfishness and a lack of respect for everyone involved, including for the participants themselves and each other, but also their partners and children of those involved. It's also about filling a part of them that's missing, and that is their problem - not yours. Denying the whole thing is a complete absolution of responsibility for the hurt they are causing, as is not taking your intentions seriously.
I also recognise the feeling that when it's good you just enter a state of denial but when they walk out of the door to sleep with and be happy with another person its really really hard to take, and the dealing with the anger takes time.
We all deserve to be with someone we trust implicitly and unreservedly. Once your partner has betrayed you that state of trust is lost forever, and eventually this will outweigh the feelings of love you still have for a love that has gone.
Living with your partner under these circumstances is very hard - I'm doing it too - so I can see you need to get away from him before you will be able to really let go of him, I think that's what I need now too, so good luck.
Knowing I am not alone has helped me more than I thought possible and has moved me on enormously, so the wonderful people on this site can be a godsend to you - we are here to help each other and it works.

supers