Did he ever love me?

Hi Guys, I'm new here, so need lots n lots of help.

Been married 7 years, have a beautiful blue-eyed 5 year old boy, and have just found out husband is cheating on me again (last time 2006, gave our marriage another go and so I thought, it was working!)

This time, told him no more chances, have been to solicitor and have started divorce proceedings.

He accepts we're through, but will not get legal advice and treating whole thing as a joke. My solicitor sent him a letter of admission to adultery for the divorce petition (which he signed immediately) but then went onto tell me its only a bit of paper and he hasn't commited adultery - although he doesn't deny seeing someone else.

We're still both in the marital home, but he does stay elsewhere some nights, he's telling our son he's at grandmas.

When we do talk, we argue, then there's silence and then we change back into a couple who laugh and love each other very much. When he's in his good moods, he'll do housework, iron etc. everything we used to share before all this happened.

My friends says he's playing with my mind and waiting for me to give in and accept him back as my husband.

Problem is, I still love him very much and when he's being nice, would take him back in an instant. Other times, I hate him with every last bit of emotion I can muster.

My resolve is to be strong, a leopard won't change his spots, he's cheated twice and will do it again.

How do I stop loving him?

Sadrhino www.wikivorce.com/divorce/components/com...sh/emoticons/sad.png

Hi sadrhino. Welcolm to the site BTW. Hope you find it helpful.

Only he knows if he ever loved you. But he didnt love you enough to stay faithful to you. Thats a fact.

Serial cheats often have something missing from there lives. They crave something that they are not getting at home. Its usualy nothing todo with the other half. Its something wrong with them. He is also a coward. Honest decent people end a relationship and get over it then date again if they can.

Its good that you have started proceedings against him. That way it will be over soon and you can start the process of getting over it. He has made mistakes and he now has to pay for them by loosing you. You did a very brave thing by taking him back but it was also foolish. As once you take them back they think they can do it again. And you are the one that has ended up getting used and hurt.

How do you stop loving him? Firstly you cant tell your heart what todo. There are many on here that love utter bastards and cheats. Why? I cant tell you that answer.

But it took me a long time to fall out of love with my ex. You cant do anything to make yrself fall out of love. It just happens. For me it was like a leaking bucket. Every bad thing she did to me just dripped a bit more love away. Until in the end there was nothing left. But I knew that when she was being nice she just wanted to use me. So a nice spell always proceeded a request.

She even rang me up one day and said "I know I put you there". But she goes on to tell her friends that I wasnt supportive. Thats so untrue. Deep down she knows the truth. Your STBX ex does as well. In time he may regret it when someone cheats on him. What goes around comes around.

Just bide your time. Get your divorce. Get this cheating bastard out of your life and in time you will get over it and move on. Time realy does heal a broken heart. And a lot of tears and chocolate lol. Hope U are ok. C

hi sadrhino
i could be reading about me in your post ..
my hubbys cheated on me 3 times this year and each time i took him back thinking he would change
yesterday i told him it was over between us..it was one of the hardest and worst things ive ever done
we have been married 25yrs and i thought we were soul mates
but ive realised a leopard will never change its spots and enough is enough
they cant keep puttin us through this and expecting us just to carry on as normal
i honestly love him to bits but somewhere yesterday i found the strength to tell him..it killed me to do it but i know in my heart of hearts its the right thing to do.
i deserve better than this and im gonna make sure i get it !
ill never stop loving my hubby ..but i guess this feelin will fade in time but for now im thinking about me not him ! ive thought about him for 25yrs so its my turn now !
stay strong sadrhino ..and you will find the strength to do it im sure
come into chat if your feeling down theres some wonderful peeps in there who have helped me so much and will help you too
you can send me a pm if you need to talk
take care and hope to speak soon
oh and btw welcome to wiki..lol
love mazz xx

Thank you xx Everything you say is true, everyone is telling me the same.
There's certainly been loads of tears, but not so much chocolate. Today it's my 10th day since finding out, have hardly eaten but am trying. My litlle boy tells me "if you don't eat mummy you'll die". I will try for him. Thanks x

its only been i week for me too sad..im not eatin much either and have wept loads of tears too in fact i still am
you be strong for your little boy
why dont you pop into chat now its very quiet so you will be able to talk easier ..lol
take care
love mazz xx

Hi Marsh

Thanks for your reply and love your term "serial cheat" - that fits my husband to a tee.

Have spent a lot of time wondering was it me - he certainly puts some of the blame down to me - but don't think I did too much wrong. I look after our son, keep the house tidy, have meals ready for him, in fact Anthea Turner (The Perfect Housewife) would have been proud (Oh, I also work 5 days a week, albeit less hours than him because of school).

We were fine in the bedroom department too and we often joked that we knew absolutely everything about eachother, down to the last spot on his backside!

So now I'm thinking a bit deeper and have to agree there's something not quite right with him. Had often said to him that people who are lucky enough to have everything (home, children, jobs, food on table, holidays etc.) like we had, always have to go after something else. That's the reasoning behind the first affair, or so I thought.

Now I believe he's just a little bit sad. He deserves everything he's going to get and more.

I don't want to be associated with a person that can walk away from his child, let him feel guilty for that for the rest of his life. He'll miss out not me.

Me & my boy deserve better and that's my goal for the future.

I will wait for the day he realises what he's done, and finds it too late to worm his way back. Don't think I'll ever stop loving him, but I certainly don't like him anymore

xx

hi sar,
welcome to wiki.
You are right to want to end your marriage as it is but I still think that you are acting too fast,give yourself some space to get used to the idea and hin to as a matter of fact.You will act more more rationally then and might be able to have an amicable divorce,a luxury these days.Should make it easy for your child and you too.
you are not on your own ask and accept help.
good luck.
just do not rush the pace!