hi
my STBX is frankley just a little mad, she is focused on wanting a divorce but cannot actually seem to talk to me or give any help on how this can be achieved.
we live in the same house still, me up stairs shes downstairs.
house value 165k and falling mortgage £125k
my personal debts about 5k, shes got 3.5k, very little pensions or other assets. Son is 6 daughter is 15, now married 5 years but co-habited for 12 years prior to marraige, im on a basic of £22k she is earning about £17k
she may have a 'friend'and has played away on a number of occasions, being caught twice, both times ive forgiven and up to this may thought that we were actually having one of the best periods of our relationship.
we did relate after her last fling about 2 years ago and thing i thought were going reasonably untill she announced she didnt love me any more and moved out of the bedroom.
My only Focus is that my children stay in the house,i do not want them to have to move into some rubbish council house on the wrong part of town.
I let her do her own thing , so was quiet surpised when i found out that she had engaged a solicitor, i asked her about this and tried to explain that yes it was ok for her to take legal advice, but that if we both used a solicitor for this it would pretty much wipe out any money we had in the house.
I work in financial services and am a pensions technician so work on pensions and divorce cases about once a month so was confident that we could do all the paper work together and save many thousands of pounds.
the mortgage comes to about 900 per month, so i proposed that i would move out, she would keep the house and live in it till youngest turns 18 ect, she would pay £375 towards mortgage costs (effectivly her rent and cheaper than if she was in private or council)i would pay the other £525 per month and house hold insurances (another 60) at the end of ten years the house could then be sold and we would split proceeds 50.50.
the amount i would be spending was more than i would have piad in maintainance but it achieved the MAIN OBJECTIVE of keeping my kids in thier home.
A copy of this agreement i sent to her solicitor, so they could give my STBX thier opinion.
i hoped that if she spent perhaps an hour with her solicitor , checking the details of the proposal we could get on with the divorce, fairly painlessly.
she was a bit stuck as the sol. wouldnt do anything more till she deposited £500, i am a tad skint at the moment so its all gone quiet.
Get fresh letter from her Sol yesterday , pertion is for my unreasonable behavior (hahahaha) and to await a meeting for
mediation. my STBX then informs me that she has been granted legal aid and so is using the solicitor as its 'free'
i had to try to spell out to STBX that legal aid isnt free its gonna get paid from the setlement most likely as a charge on the house.
Even though we have been trying to live separatly financially and ive been weaning her into the paying 'her rent' and costs she still runs out of money every month and im having to bale her out, she then moans i havnt attempted to move out myself but as i say to her i cant go untill your financially sorted as i need her contribution to pay the rent on any bedsit i might be able to get.
I really think she actually wants to force this all the way through to a sale so she can end up living in a grotty council flat and do the oh look at poor old me speach.
i dont think she has a clue what this is going to do to the kids, she just lives in some dream bubble where she can get rid of me, keep the house, and i pay all the bills and mortgage.
if a court went that way id have to go bust, which would knacker my kids and their home anyway.
Whats even worse she now says that if she keeps the house she dosent want to keep the family dog.
i think that was just to really put the boot in.
sorry for the long post, but after getting my head into a positive place and thinking id worked out a sensible way forward she just want to wreck that as well.
JB
