What a pickle!

Good for you puddy. Thanks for the offer of tea but I am out creating havoc tonight lol. He will be shocked by the new you. But you have to set the scene of how it will be.

The problem I had was that I had always looked after my ex when we were married. When she did what she did I carried on being nice to her. What I should have done was be more tough with her and I wouldnt have got shat on so much. I just dont want you to make the same mistakes that I did. C

hi ,
it is nice to remain friend with x but most of the time you are used as a leaning pole,a backup support.X can unload on you,you have memmories that you can share,talk about the children and work .this make them feel better "show" that they care (guilt)and then they go back refresh to their new partner.
I did that for 6 months then realised that I was still being the wife without benefits

Hi Marriaa. Thats what my ex wanted. Stay freinds. She wanted me to give her a back door key. She would come and see me when the BF was away on his coach trips. Do my shopping and so on. All this was designed to keep tabs on me. I was having none of it. But for a couple of months I was asked to do a number of jobs for the new little family. I rebuilt her daughters laptop and a number of other little jobs. They were lending tools off me and all sorts. In the end I put a stop to it all. No way can I be friends with my ex. Thats like trying to cosy up to a viper. C

Well done Puddy... it's good to get something decided instead of sitting in the mire

I'm a great believer in choice, responsibility and consequence. When people make a choice (especially at the cost of others), I think it's really important to accept responisbility for that choice and take the consequences. What you've been doing - albeit with the best of intentions - is to stop him from taking responsibility and feeling the consequences. If you continued to do that then you are also depriving him of an opportunity to learn.

He may, or may not, have made the right choice but he will never know this until he has lived with the consequences. When my ex repeatedly told me the marriage was over, he didn't commit to that - he never left. But he didn't commit to making the marriage work either. Limbo is a depressing place to be. Eventually I made my own decision and ended the marriage. We are now 2 years down the separation road and none of it has been easy, but I feel so much better for taking matters in my own hands instead of waiting to see what he will do next and showing no respect for me in the meantime.

You will too Puddy... trust me in this

Shezi x

Shezi. As always your prose is succinct eloquent elegant and to the point. I wish you was my teacher and I had listened during English lessons. C