What a pickle!

Just wanted to say.....

I thought the same re my stbx financially supporting me until he froze our joint bank a/cs and transferred the cash into his own, new, sole account. Just because the a/cs are in joint names doesnt mean he needs you to change things. Either one of you can close, freeze, transfer moneys from a joint a/c with most banks. Mine was FIRST DIRECT and apparently its all in the small print.....

Good luck

I have just openedup my own account, in order for me to transfer in my child benefit, tax credit etc...so that at least i have something. I want to be independent of him as much as poss, do you think i should just ask for a set amount straight off each month to make sure that we're both clear where we stand? I really can't see him continueing on paying for too long, purely as if he is opting out the "family"life then he's going to want money to go out, find someone else get a flat etc...

Most certainly! I did that and Im sure if I hadnt Id of been left with nothing. Get some kind of interim maintenance underway as soon as you can.
x

Something happens to a lot of men when they get fed up with their marriages. Apparently they "work" at the relationship which doesn't seem to involve talking to their wives at all, and then when that doesn't work they leave...sort of.

My husband moved out when he had another woman to move in with who will do his washing and cooking. But he comes round ostensibly to see the children but actually to talk to (at) me. He says he wants to stay friends, but that seems to mean that he talks about his exciting new life going partying and clubbing, how his work is etc and doesn't show any real interest in our children.

He had the insensitivity to tell me the other day that he was going to make more effort because someone else at a dinner party had told him off for not seeing his own kids!!!

This after I'd said before he moved out that I wanted him to make some definite arrangements about seeing our boys and to tell them before he went.

Which didn't happen, of course. They are acting as though they couldn't care less about him (which he finds surprising!!!).

So I can see that in a few months' time they won't have any contact at all, which would be sad. I also wish they had a better role model.


As for your situation - is he coming to see the kids or because he can watch tv and eat food, presumably not able to see his other woman at weekends?

Thanks no regrets

Why is it they all sound the same?? I thought his behavior was completely off the wall but the more i read in this forum the more it seems that the husbands (and even the wives in some cases) are all the same!!

He seems to hsve little interest in the boys now except when it suits which means at weekends (football and swimming) where he sees the person that i think he has become obsessed with!! The trouble is we were all friends and now i am constantly push myself between them so they don't get the option of spending time together as in my opinion if he is only seein the boys at the weekend then he needs to be spending quality time focusing on them and not on his own needs (like i have to all week)

I'm really dreading this weekend as i'm now getting used to being with the boys and how things are and what with the support of this site and my friends I feel that i am getting stronger and don't need him to be treating me like this..

All i want now is him to see this and to get something definate down with regard to visiting them and finances and i think i'd be happy. Just need to know where i stand and for him to realise that if he wants to go off and act in this manner then he will have to suffer the consequences!

Puddytat. I get the impresion that you are bending over backwards to help him out. Not taking money off him etc and not wanting to tell him not to come into your house etc. This man is dominating your life. Dictating terms to you. Its your life. Live it how you want. The relationship you have with him is at an end. So dont let him have the penny and the bun.

If I wanted to come round yours tonight and drink your tea and eat your cake would you let me? No. So why do you let this man thats not part of your life and has done all these bad things to you do this to you? I have never wronged you. But how come you wont let me drink your tea but you will him? He is running your life by the clock. If you dont control your own life someone will control it for you. Stand up for yourself girl. Dont be a doormat. If you dont want him in the house while you are out tell him so.

He is the father of the kids granted. He can and should see them. But it should be in his own environment not in yours. He has chosen to do these things to you. He has made his bed and he should lie in it.

As for money, you need a certain amount to look after his kids. So ask for it. And when and if he stops paying you go to the CSA and the courts and get a Maint pending suit. Sorry for being tough with you but you need an outsider to tell you.

I know its tough. Life is tough. But girl you gota do like the song says. You gota be tough you gota be hard. If you dont, life will bite you. Sorry again. C

you're absolutely right marshy (though you would be welcome to drink my tea and eat my cake lol!! )

I have arranged an appointment to see sols on the 11th and am going to tell him to take all his stuff this weekend. I intend to tell him my expectations and see what happens. I've only found it so hard because that's never been how our relationship was, but i guess that's all changed now and if he feels free to do these things then i'm going to have to start being equally as hard x

Think he may see it as a kick up the bum if he sees that i'm not being as accommodating any more!