New and feeling low

Hello all
I've just discovered that my husband wants to seperate after almost 14 years of marriage and 2 wonderful children who he seems to have regretted having. I'm feeling so bad at the moment as I've also found messages on his phone that indicates to me that he's found another woman although he's not owning up to anything. I'm trying to present a strong front for the children who don't yet know what's going on but I'm struggling. Any advice on how to get through these early days would be really helpful. Thanks x

Hi, I am also a new user, seperating after 22 years of marriage and four kids,three affairs (him) down the road and I am relieved but still finding it a bit scary. But trust me, you are better off out of a relationship that is not working as if there is one affair there will follow more, sure as night follows day.So consider yourself lucky and do not waste any more of your life, you will emerge a stronger person able to live an authentic life, hopefully like me.

Thanks Joystar
I don't know how you ahd the courage to go back after finding out your other half's first affair. I can't help thinking mine has taken me for a fool (.... and he's right! )

Yep bagpuss you have been taken for a fool. You are not alone however as there are many on this site who will support you. Its a long haul when you find out. Just remember it wasn't you who did the dirty. Hold your head up high. Take care Polar

Hi Bagpuss and joystar and welcome to wiki

So sorry you both find yourself here. The early day are so hard to deal with and survival is the name of the game. Don’t expect too much and try to look after yourself and your children. The pain caused by affairs is the worst thing I have ever had to deal with but I am getting better and you will too in time.

Take it slowly and keep posting so the wiki peeps can help you along the way.

You will find lots of help and support just as I have.

I find the chat room is also a good place when your feeling you need to talk.

Take care and remember you are not alone in this.

Ivory X

Agreed Ivory. When the trust is broken like that it really really hurts especially in todays climate of 'no fault'. Please dont let me read any more posts that there were faults on both sides. Maybe there were but I cant imagine many faults that anyone could have that would be as bad as hurting someone by having multiple affairs and then as mine did laugh about them as if they didn't matter. Worse still it was with friends. Some ******* friends. Take care Polar

It's tough. My husband and I have been together 31 years, married for 18, two boys, 16 and 14.
Our marriage was definitely over and I asked for a separation in March and was very relieved when he agreed, but we decided not to do anything about it until 16 yr old had done his GCSEs.

In May husband finally told me (I wormed it out of him) that he was seeing someone else.

So for another 6 weeks I had to carry on as normal, whilst knowing that not only was he going, but he was going to someone else, whilst I would have no one. I felt really dirty, as though I was involved in his deceit.

When he told the kids he was going, he didn't tell them he was going to live with another woman, though I'm pretty sure they knew.

I had thought it would be better when he went, and I was surprised at how overwhelmed I was with grief and then anger.

But I am seeing a women's counsellor once a week and also taking anti=depressants (my younger son said I was always crying) and I now feel much more positive.

You will too.