New and sad to be here

Hi everyone,

New to this and have been lurking for a couple of weeks... husband told me 5 weeks ago was leaving me for affair woman and her two children aged 8 & 4. We've been married for 24yrs and together 28, with a son of 20 at uni. He's distraught as he feels his dad has replaced him.... the complication is that his dad lives in Spain and I had been commuting back and forward to work to support him as he was not earning. I'm now homeless and living with my parents as I need to earn a living to pay my share of debts...

I'm still in shock and denial and miss him so much, so suspect I will be spending a lot of time of this site! It has helped knowing that I'm not the only one going through this although it feels like it.

I do have a question - the affair woman is now planning on moving to Spain to live with my husband at Xmas. I understand that she is not married but has been with the children's father for 14 years. Does he have any rights about her taking them out of the country?

Thank you all... Sue x

Hi Soop and welcome to wiki

Im sorry you find yourself here but you have found a place where you will get help and support. You are right about arriving here in shock I know when i arrived at wiki almost 6 months ago i could not think straight, eat, sleep, stop crying and could not see a way out of the hell i was in.

Its a long hard road but eventually we make progress along it. I did and you will too.

I dont know the answer to you legal question but im sure someone will be along who can.

sending you a hug as you will probably be needing one right now. Take care and keep posting.

((((((((((((hug))))))))))

Ivory X

Hi Soop, Sorry to meet you, if you know what I mean!
Mine left me in June after 28 years; and 4 months on, I'm starting to feel like I'm turning a corner at last - I don't cry every day now at least. Still, with Christmas approaching, I expect I'll be back to square one a few more times. My sons (18 & 16) don't say much, because they don't want to upset me, but I suspect they feel similar to yours - my husbands girlfriend has a 9 year old son, who she left behind when she moved in with him, but who is now staying over etc, & it's always my two who get their plans moved around to accommodate her boy.
I don't have the answer to your legal question, but you will find it on this site - someone will know!
I know 4 months seems like forever to you now, but looking back it's gone quite quickly, filled with new challenges and all that! And I never thought 4 months ago, that I would ever feel even this much better,so as Dory (Finding Nemo!) says - 'just keep swimming'
Time does help - unfortunately, it takes time.
Love, Amanda x

Hi Soop
What a terrible story. Still I'm finding by reading other posts that there is a lot of support here for all of us.
Big (hug)

Hallo

I suppose the answer about her taking the child out of the country depends on a) whether the father objects and b) if he has parental rights, ie his name is on the birth certificate.

I am in the same boat. Husband left for younger woman who has two children, 9 yr old boy and 5 yr old girl.
My 16-yr old finds it hard to talk about his feelings (its soft) but he did say that his father was only interested in his new family now. Cut me in two!

14 yr old said he wasn't bothered as his dad was never around anyway.

I gather from what my husband has said that he is having issues with the 9 year old and he did say that he didn't plan for this, so I said "that's what happens when you choose to take up with someone else".

I am coping very well, people tell me, but only because I am taking anti-depressants and seeing a women's counsellor once a week.

I intend to keep doing this until about March, as I always find winter very depressing anyway.

Hi Soop

I Know just how you feel, i'm going through a very similar thing. I found out 6 weeks ago by "annonymous" phone call that my 40 year husband of 17 years has been having an affair with an 18 year old. The pain can feel unbareable, like there is no hope and no way out. I had my worst week last week when i was told all the sordid details by mutual friends. I even found myself looking at ways to commit suicide on the net. It's amazing the difference a week can bring, yes i am still devastated, yes i do still cry at the drop of a hat and my god yes i am dreading xmas which we always spent with his family as my parents are both dead. I am so greatful i found this website, as you have said just knowing you're not the only one going through this hell is a small comfort. Stay strong hun, i know i'm trying to do the same.

Together we can all get through this pain that our exes have caused us. Xmas will be hard but we will get through it. I try to tell myself that xmas brings a new year and i think thats what we all need here, a new year, new life, new hopes & dreams.
Wikki will keep us strong!!!
Thinking of you all
Cindy