My Solicitor says i can do nothing!!

move back in??? id fear for my life let alone my sanity, apparently shes allowed 3.000 sol costs before legal aid make her pay it back, as for court, how do i know i wont end up with her costs?? i was never allowed anything personal from the house she is getting everything inside the house. worth thousands, i cant understand why she wont just accept the Consent Order and take over the house, her son in law is acting as guarantee as far as i know but hes just bought an apartment abroad so maybe he cant afford it anymore, but there is only 20 grand left on mortgage i wish i could pay it off and get rid of her but i cant. i appriciate what you said its food for thought, i have to be strong i know that, i darnt stop paying mortgage as i was advised to i darnt let things slip i have my future to think about and the mortgage i have with my hopefully future wife, if she sticks with me thru this hell.

im not splitting 160 equity i signed it over to her in consent order as long as she takes my name off mortgage and divorces me, i just need my pension i have a house now in negative equity with my new partner a 150 mortgage and only 15 years working life i need my pension to help pay that off, if i was a younger man id be braver no doubt but i have so much to lose and not much life left, if you get what i mean? i need to get rid of the 500 a month i pay to my wife or im going to go under slowly, i dont want to pay her maintence surely the house is worth more than anything i can give her? i want rid!!!!!!!!! completly!!!!!!!! what happens to consent order? can she just ignore it? can i decide i want it changing after being conned by my own solicitor into signing it!!

WAs this so called consent order sealed by the court?Because if it was why did it not fully deal with all your assets and your pension split?

The consent order has never been to court i signed it in oct but she wont turn up for appoitments to send it to court, she says she doesnt want my pension or maintenance just the house, well im happy with that, but nothin has happend for 3 months now her solicitor says she doesnt feel ready to divorce me yet, well im sorry but im ready and have been for 3 years, i have done everything i was asked, more than most men would of done, i get abuse from her and my daughters im not allowed to see my grandchildren anymore yet im stll expected to keep her living on the gravy train while i suffer!!!

secretsquirrell wrote:

yet im stll expected to keep her living on the gravy train while i suffer!!!

You're 'suffering' for one reason only: Your own acceptence of playing 'VICTIM'.

You came here, you asked for help, you got lots of free advice, when you'd given up on your solicitors paid advice doing nothing....

...and we've empowered you with the knowledge of the law, and how it can prevent this person from further extracting the £££ from you.

Who is it that decided this is how things should be for you!? And if the answer it is your ex; then why are you allowing her to control your new life this way!?

If you left three years ago: you can apply for divorce on the grounds of two years seperation. If she refuses to accept, it goes before a judge, who will decide if the divorce application is to be awarded.

Once you have a divorce application, you and ex can mediate a settlement, and if she refuses - you file in court for Ancillary Relief and if she does not adhere to the timetable she is in contempt of court. It is highly unlikely that you would pay her fees if she is the one being unreasonable.

Secondly, what is the point of moaning that you can't pay her mortgage, when all the advice here says that she can't keep such a large home.... then moan because she won't agree to keeping the house?

If your Consent Order qas agreed against your will, if you felt vulnerable or without being fully informed, then write to your solicitor stating so, and withdraw it. It's not been approved by court anyway, so it stands for nothing.

Start from scratch. Get your Balls out of your ex-wifes handbag, do your new partner a favour and get on with what needs to be done mate. There's loads and loads of people here in the same boat; and we can all help you with the emotional and legal closure.

I think maybe this is all you know, being controlled and told what to do by your ex? We all vent here, we all get angry, but sooner or later we do what is needed to make a change.

Why not make 2009 the year you put closure to the past, so you can enjoy the 'few' years you have left with peace of mind.

Thanks mate, gotta get those balls back huh??.. will keep you informed... can i jusr add i was told NOT to divorce her before finances are sorted cos if i do she will have no incentive to sort anything... but when sol opens in another week i will get things moving!! first thing is to sack the useless so and so.!

You first put in an Application for Divorce.

Then you attempt to sort the finances by mediation, or mediated between solicitors, hopefully amicably. If that all fails, you then make an Application for Ancillary relief (the financial bit, which is seperate from the Divorce bit).

The Decree Nisi will be granted within the court timetable. It is then recommended that the Decree Absolute (the bit that makes the Divorce final) is not applied for until the finances are resolved. (Some courts will not allow an actual divorce until finances are sorted)although you can apply for the Absolute six weeks after the Nisi is announced.

Sorry that you've been given a dose of tough love in reply to your origianl question: but hopefully now that you see that nothing you've done before has got the desired result (to be free from your ex; and to make for a new future) hopefully 2009 will see an end to you being taken for granted by people who just want your money. (Your soon-to-be-ex solicitor, and your soon-to-be-ex wife!)

We ordinary wiki users don't like to see other poor uninformed people being treated the way we have, (either by our ex's, by our lack of knowledge, or by the legal professionals; many of whom profit from our ignorance and our misery).

I wish you well in resolving matters, keep us updated, so that other forum users can learn from your experience.