Throw in the towel or not?

I'm with sera on this.
Some people don't wanna face facts and kid themselves that they are in control by 'allowing' another person to become independent and move on with their lives, while sitting back twiddling their thumbs waitting for the other one to come to their senses.
Talk about reality check! As if that other person is a kid and don't know what they want from their life.
Sprite

Lsot:

I personally think you've resigned to Put-up-and-shut-up in your marriage.

Your wife is feeding you peas. You need a full-course meal.

But again, you moving the Goalposts to accomodate her whims is what concerns me. Surely that's not a fulfilling marriage?

I genuinly asked what you were doing? What can be done to save a marriage? If you'd said, we talk, we still cuddle, we go fishing, share weekends at Butlins, go to Counselling and are re-discovering each other; I'd say OK, well done you two!

But you're up a River in Egypt with this one! (In deNial!) And that is so very sad.

Throw in the towel?

Pick up your towel and walk away, live your life for yourself, face your own responsibilities, answer to yourself and those you are responsible to....your children, your maker poss employer no one else but you!

Sera / Sprite,

Please don't misunderstand me. We are not living together, we have been apart since August 08 (apart from a brief period of recon) and I know that the marriage we had is dead and cannot be ressurected.

I am not in denial (Like you egypt reference tho ) I understand fully what is happening and where I am. I'm not sitting around twiddling my thumbs, I am simply biding my time until I decide which way to go and what I want to do with the rest of my life. At the moment I choose to think that there may be a way to start anew. That is MY choice. I don't like to think that everyone agrees and I would be worried if they did.

I know one thing though, when a person comes on here for support, they get support, but they also get a reflection of what everyone else has been through. You can tell how the others situations turned out by the responses you get. I wouldn't EVER presume to argue with you and your views and tell you how YOU are coping. Why tell me?

I don't think it's sad, you do, fine. That is you perogative. Pleae don't tell me what I have resigned myself to or what my W is doing. You don't know me OR my W. You have not seen how we interact, what we say to each other. Therefore you are basing your views on what I have said, that is only ONE side of the story.

However, We do still talk, I hate fishing so will never do that. I am finding out what my W has become via these interactions. Where I go from here is yet to be decided.

Sorry for t/j.

Hi traveller, I will try and make this brief and also stress that this is my opinion only.
Maybe your wife is looking for something 'different' in her life, and in truth, that something does not exist, but she may think it does ie. Facebook Affair. (attention, excitement??) Could there be an area or two in your marriage that isn't as good as it used to be? This would need to be explored through counselling and talking together. Then if you choose to stay together, it will take alot of effort from both of you to make it work. If, once the problems are identified, both or one of you decides it won't work, then yes, separation is all you can do. Communication and honesty with each other is the only way forward.
Best Wishes

Seems like one persons view of when a marriage is over is totally different from anothers! How surprising!

I guess where this site comes in to it's own is to provide information and support to those fighting for their marriages and for those who have decided to move on and divorce.

As to when someone moves from fighting to divorcing is an individual thing. We can offer supprt and advice to those fighting to save their marriage, we can also offer our opinion as to whether they are fighting a lost cause, but ultimately it is something they must decide.

I know that sometimes going through life you can look at a situation, think it is a lost cause, only to be surprised when things work out differently.

I know with my marriage I carried on fighting for too long but doing it badly. I see that now in hindsight and have learnt a lot from the experience and I know if I had spent as much time on wiki when I was trying to save the marriage as I do now, the advice I would have been given back then may have helped me do things differently and save the marriage.

Steve