Can't believe it....

So, after almost 13 years of marriage to the man I thought I would be with forever, 2 weeks ago he told me he was in love with someone else. My world fell apart.

I then spent the next 7 days trying to save my marriage by asking him to think about what he was letting go & consider what we have/had & each day he said he hadn't decided/couldn't make a decision. In the end I basically told him to eff off saying I couldn't go on like this & I'd make his decision for him. We are now living in the same house, in separate rooms & I'm very up & down emotionally - crying, angry, feeling cheated, resentful of this woman, feeling ripped off, feeling like the future we had planned has been stolen. The woman he's been shagging is his PA who he contacted on friends reunited a couple of years ago. My husband never wanted kids but she has 2 which he's prepared to take on. I just don't get it & I'm going from wanting him back to wanting him dead. I'm normally a sane person & this is all doing my head in. He's moving on with his life - going on overnights & today I found out he's booked a trip to Italy for them next month. I'm struggling & finding it hard to let go - even though he's treated me like this. Am I going mad?

Can anyone help?

Hi

Welcome - I'm new to this too - my husband walked out 2 months ago. Don't think there is anyone else but says it's not what he wants and that he hasn't loved me for a long time (although he was happy enough right up to the end to tell me he did and for us to carry on as normal etc etc).
I have been through the mill and back - and then some. An emotional rollercoaster - just like you have described. One day you will hate him, the next day you love him and will do anything to make it work. From what I have seen on here - many people will describe the same feelings that you have right now - and we can't all be mad so i am sure that you are not either! It is very normal to feel alot of things right now - the only thing you can do is to focus on looking after yourself - eating, sleeping if you can etc etc so that whatever the coming weeks/months throw at you, you can stay strong.
Don't rush into things, don't over react - always take a deep breath and try to take a few minutes before saying doing anything/doing anything. Your husband is an individual as you are - you cannot alter his actions or opinions however much you may want to - just as he cannot change yours. Believe in yourself - don't blame yourself - if he wants out then it is his loss - you will get over your loss and see him for what he really is in time - whatever that turns out to be.
I see this as a journey - a new life path - we cannot know or predict how it will turn out and we should try not to worry about things that we cannot forsee.
You will undoubtedly get much more support on here - stay strong!

Dazed and elena

Just wanted to offer support to you both at this time in your life. I know you maybe don't see it now but things will get better, you feel betrayed and these are not events that you have any control over. But regroup, get your head together and try to find some positive in the situation. You will smile, laugh, have fun and love again.

My best to you both
Mini xx

It is 11 months to the day that I got hit with the same thing that you did Dazed. It was so awful I can't describe it so I know exactly what you are going through and you know exactly how I felt. It is a blessing that you have no children, we have two little boys. But it did not make any difference to her. It is not us that goes insane at these times, it is our partners who's behaviour is altered by their new found romance.

You must avoid asking questions about the new woman or what they are doing, you will just tear yourself up. It is a form of self abuse. If he wants to tell you, tell him you don't want to know. You don't approve and she is not welcome at your home.

The good news, if you want to lose weight you will find it easy, but do try to eat so that you stay healthy. And, you will get through it. Some of us faster than others. I still wonder at times why she was so cruel but don't miss her or want her back or hope for her unhappiness or happiness. I really just no longer care about her.

I can honestly say that I am happier than I can remember being for a very long time.

I found a short book that really helped me cope and get on with life. it is called, "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz . You will find details on the internet. One of the key phrases in it is, If someone you love leaves you, it is a gift. If they hadn't left you could spend years suffering... (not exact words, but the general tone.)

Take care! Perry

Going to find the book sounds just what I need.

In exactly the same boat as Dazed and Elena as I am sure many are on here. Its awful and I cannot beleive how many mixed emotions I have felt in the last three months.

I now feel like I have to push all my feelings under the carpet and get on with the financial decisions and family decisions, picking up the emotions again later.

I supppose its a bit like greiving a death and having to go thru the motions of the funeral, when you don't want any of it to be happening.

Keep posting the advice and support on here is keeping me going and stopping me making silly mistakes.

Thanks to everyone x

Hallo

Yes, breakups are just like bereavement. You feel shock, disbelief, denial, grief and anger. Not necessarily in that order and often an emotion bites you in the bum just when you think you've got past that stage.

It's pure hell, but a necessary phase. After all the weeping (believe me, I didn't cry a river, I cried an ocean, and I'm the one who wanted a separation) you will begin to feel better.

Your self-worth takes a knock as your beloved has chosen someone else in preference to you. But then you realise that if he can't love you (and you are worth loving, you are a wonderful person) that's his loss, sad twerp!

But you will find that you don't fall apart, you rebuild and make a better life than the one you had.
It may be hard to believe right now, but its true.

Just like to say sorry for your aituation.

It's almost 12 months since my W walked out on me. It's a very tough thing to go through but it definatley does get better.

You have to deal with so much irrationality but you have to remain tough, it's the only way I ever got any respect off my ex. While I was being soft in the hope for reconciliation, she just walked all over me.

Once I learnt to 'MAN UP' so to speak, and accept the fact she wasn't coming back, then I started to feel better.

Google the 5 stages of grief, it may give you a better understanding on your feelings.

Good luck,
Jim.