Hello everyone, I'm new.

Thanks for the supportive reply David.

Unfortunately I just received a reply from her. She isn't willing to even consider counselling, and she says that I have to accept that what we have now is just a friendship. She says that one day I'll meet someone who I can be happy with.

In the meantime, I am sharing a house with the woman I love and I am powerless to do anything to stop her going out and meeting someone else, at which point I don't know what I'm going to do to cope with it.

Hi Chris/David

You know I kinda feel for both of you.

I was in a situation where my ex had to tell me he had had extra marital affairs. I didn't know, but he felt he needed to come clean, even though the last one was some 10 years prior to him telling me about all of them.

Our marriage was well and truly over by then. He had spent years not wanting me to go out with friends, basically controlling my life because he had come to realise that if he had had affairs, then the liklihood was that I would too.

So he was afraid that I would do to him what he had done to me and even though in his heart he knew he would not have any more relationships he was always scared that he was not good enough for me etc. etc.

You see his first wife had cheated on him a number of times and I think in his psyche he felt that I would do the same and he needed to get in their first so to speak. Anyway, clearly he regretted his actions, but spent the following 10 years or so of his marriage controlling me in fear I would do the same.

Now as regards your partners, Chris and David, maybe they do still love you, but the trust is gone and I really believe that when that happens the relationship can never be the same. You lads will think your wives will do the same to you possibly to 'get you back' and the ladies may feel that you will do the same again.

It is devastating for a woman to feel she is not enough for her partner. My ex had a one night stand 18 years ago, which I found out about and my biggest regret is that I stayed with him. Two lives were wasted for many years.

Let your ladies go with love and don't give them a hard time re divorce and financial issues. That proves to your partners that you are truly sorry about your actions. My ex got very bitter because he lost everything when I divorced him. For some reason he felt that he could continue to control me and I would stay. It was too late. Nothing would have kept me with him, absolutely nothing.

Good luck to both of you.