Hello everyone, I'm new.

I've just joined up with a view to (hopefully) finding a supportive community.

I'm separated, but even though we lived apart for a year, the state of the housing market has meant that we've ended up living back in the marital home with our two children. Separate rooms and separate lives except where the children are concerned. It's very stressful and emotionally confusing!

Hi everyone.

I'm sure it is!

Welcome to the boards.

My ex lives in a smaller house with his new woman and her 2 small children. He was coming back here quite a lot and I found it very difficult. Much better now I dont see much of him. He doesnt want to sell mh yet as only 3 yrs to go on mortgage, not a good time to sell, and wants to wait until younger son is 18.
I am in mh which seems too big now, with disaffected elder son 17 who left school in the summer and has done not much since, though theoretically he's looking for a job, and 14 yr old son who is doing 1st yr of gcses.

I;m on anti-depressants and having counselling but frankly i'd like to dump the boys on my ex, sell the house, grab my share and run off to somewhere warm to enjoy myself without any responsibility for a bit.

It ain't going to happen though. How old are your children and how are they coping?

My children are nearly 9 and 4 years old. The youngest seems completely fine about it all, and the eldest seems outwardly strong but inwardly I'm not so sure.

My feelings for my ex are confusing, I still fancy her like mad, but deep down I know that if we got back together right now, we'd be back where we were with all of the same issues that led us to splitting up in the first place.

I seldom meet eligible women to do this "moving on" thing that everyone's always talking about, and even if I do, I don't think I'm anywhere near emotionally equipped!

Hi Chris - welcome to wiki

We lived, separated, in the same house for 13 months. It's not easy... but modern living means that there are lots of peeps in your situation now so you should get good support here

My advice to you in terms of moving on would be only this: get yourself sorted emotionally so that you feel you have 'moved on' in yourself before becoming emotionally entangled with someone else. If you feel relatively happy within yourself and then meet someone new, you can share your inner happiness with theirs - if it doesn't work out, they then don't take your happiness with them... it's my theory anyway

Shezi

Hi Chris

Welcome to Wiki!

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I know from experience that living under the same roof is very tough when you are separated. I was lucky as we did not too it for too long. Do you have an end in site to the living arrangements, or is it when the economy picks up?

You haven't said why you separated, is there someone else involved or did you just drift apart? If you drifted apart you may find that you drift back together. I say this because going through a divorce is not a pleasant experience, and if I look back at my experience, although I am coming through it, I know I could have tried harder to resolve things which might have saved a lot of pain.

For your children, it will be difficult, especially for the eldest, and I would suggest that if you haven't already done so, you and your partner try and explain to them what is going on.

All the best

Steve

hi Chris

Welcome to Wiki. I spent 8 months living with ex after we separated. He moved on with his life in the meantime which was very hard to see every day. that situation is definitely not easy.

Wiki will provide you alot of support - not just due to the world of information you find, but also because the people on here are understanding, non judgemental and generally nice people...

so hope to see you back and maybe even visit our chat

take care

Hi Chris,
Welcome to Wiki. I too still live in the same house as my husband although separately. It is indeed very stressful, especially when you are trying to give the children a 'normal' life as well.

I would spend this time concentrating on yourself and getting your head together. Read everything you can, all the blogs, all those trashy american website about infidelity and marriage break ups.... its all the same - as one of my divorced friends says- (very unlady like I might add! - 'same shit, different day!) You will see there is a pattern - different names, different small details, same grief, same pain, same cycle, same outcome, same ending!

The thing you need to focus on is not fancying your wife or indeed fancying anyone else. Its you - you need to learn to be comfortable with yourself. Other partners complicate matters - at the moment you are still in a relationship with your wife - whether good or bad - you are in a relationship - don't need to look for outside influences to further damage the situation you are living in.

If you are back in the house, there may still be some way of salvaging the marriage - everyone has problems, Everyone!! maybe if you both accept the bad things that may have happened and look to how you can improve on having more good times. you have two very young children.
good luck
Billie