Newbie and in a mess

Hi everybody. Been lurking for some weeks now and only just plucked the courage up to tell my story. Here goes...

Been speparated since Nov 2007 from my DH, married nearly 20 years and he left me for a woman 22 yrs junior, he is 53 she 31. This is his second affair, first one back in 2000/2001. He moved to Spain with his first affair which I was unaware of, we split then because he claimed he had had enough of the rat race and wanted to do something new with his life. I was sick of his moods so let him get on with it. We sold the MH and I bought my own property with the money from the sale, he only took a thousand pounds from the sale and hot footed it to Spain with his floosy.

Fast forward, we got back together after 1 1/2 years as we kept in touch and I decided to move to Spain to be with him, this was nearly 7 years ago. All was ok, we bought a property {proceeds from my house} everything great for 5 years then I saw the signs. Eventually I found out in Nov 2007 and I threw him out, he moved straight in with her. Problem now is that I cannot afford the morgtage on the MH as I have been made redundant. He doesn't want anything from the sale and has pretty much walked away from having to deal with it. I am currently receiving his pension of about 400 pounds a month which is all I have to live on now, he does want this for himself eventually. The house will probably take months to sell and alhtough there will be some equity in it, by the time its sold at a reduced price and solicitor fees etc I am not certain I will be left with much. The problem is now I dont know whether to just walk away and let him deal with it {its still in joint names} and come back to the UK. Problem is, I will have nowhere to live and no job. I have a daughter 21 who lives here with me and does make a contribution to the house but we are still struggling to make ends meet.

What would the situation be for me if I came back to the UK with regard to claiming any benefits or housing etc?? I have no family other than a brother who I do not speak to.

I am absolutly terrified of my future. If there was any way I could stay here then I would. I have managed so far for the last 15 months. I don't want him back and would like to take divorce proceedings as soon as I can but I am so angry that yet agin, he has walked away and left me to clean the crap up whilst he swans off with his new love interest.

Sorry its long, anybody have any suggestions before I go completely insane!!

Hi, You could try contacting your mortgage company to see if they could reduce you mortgage payments to interest only for a period this may help your cashflow problem. If the mortgage is in joint names if you walk away and leave him to it you may have an even bigger problem if he leaves it as well! Try the benefits websites in the uk to see if you qualify for anything. Direct gov.org is usually a good place to start.

Good luck

Hi
Obviously I don't know all the answers but getting your payments reduced sounds a good starter.
As for benefits, housing in the UK. You will get benefits as were in the EU so benefits can either move with you or yo can claim again. For housing im not totally sure but think the local council has a duty to try and house you.
Good luck

Hi, as far as i know the council do NOT have a duty to house you, you have no dependent children, you own your own property, and you are not disabled??, they may help with rent/council tax but they will look into the fact that you own your own home.

HI G,

Glad that you've stepped out of the shadows! Once you start posting about your own unique problems; others can point you in the right direction.

Since you face an uncertain future: If you want to get a ballpark figure of how your joint marital asset pot might split: you'd have to answer the following:

Your respective ages;

The number of children you have and their ages;

How many nights the children spend with each parent;

The length of your marriage and any period of pre marriage cohabitation;

Your respective incomes;

Your respective outgoings;

Your assets - both soley held and joint;

Your liabilities.

On hindsight, it would've been better to have remained in the marital home before selling and agreeing a split without first deciding what percentage each retains. (You may have retained a larger percentage of the home, in exchange for off-setting against his Pensions or other assets).

But each time this irresponsible phillanderer has decided the grass-is-greener; you've sold the house, uprooted from YOUR comfort zone, only to have him back, finance another home when he says "jump"... only to find he's still not changed his ways.

There comes a point in your life when you want calm, serenity and security. I hope divorce buys you that; and when assets are sorted, I hope you can at least secure yourself a small flat from this mess.

Once there is a divorce petition filed, you can apply for interim spousal support, (assuming you're filing in the UK?) although since you're already in rceipt of £400 per month from a Pension, that might be your limit.

Thank you all for your replies. It does help just knowing I'm not going mad.

Thankyou Sera, I do need peace and serenity in my life and I did have that before I had him back the second time. I am just so angry that he has left me in this mess again. I never wanted to sell our first house but coz he wondered off with his magic wand I had no choice. After settling from that upset, he still wouldn't leave us alone and now I feel a complete fool for believing him. He thinks its great just because "I can have the house" and he carries on with his new life with no responsibilities and no financial worries.

I am over him emotionally well apart from the bloody anger I am feeling and the insecurity that surrounds me.

To answer some of your questions Sera.

Ages me 50 him 53
Married for almost 20 years
no children. I have a daughter aged 21 from my previous marriage but he has brought her up with me since she was 18 months old. She sees him a couple of times a month for an hour or 2.

My income now is just his pension of 400 sterling a month. My daughter gives me 300 Euro a month and the mortgage is 465 Euro per month plus approx 150 Euro per month for leccy/water community fees etc. Not sure of his outgoings but I know he pays 500 Euro per month {with his bint} for rental on a property.

His income approx 1200 Euro a month I believe and he gets double pay twice a year.

As mentioned he has a pension which I currently receive but he will want this back at some point {as he has given me the house}. I have no pension other that a couple of small company ones from the uk which I guess I shall receive when I retire.

I'm just scared that if I cannot make the mortgate payments that ultimatly I shall have to return to the UK as the job prospects here are dire {I know there not much better in the UK}. If the house takes months to sell, I dont know whats going to happen. Why why why did I trust him and listen to his false promises?!? I just cannot believe he has put me in this mess again.

Thanks for your help anyway.

hi G,
your problem seems simalar to mine, i am also in spain, it sounds like you are well rid of your ex, can you not maybe rent out a room in your house for now to help with the mortgage untill you get on your feet? and try to work something out with your bank, tomorrow i have a meeting with my bank manager to find a solution to my problem, will let you know if he comes up with anything.
has he signed over the mortgage in your name only?