Newbie and in a mess

Hi pete, thank you for your message, especially when you have your own problems to deal with, I really appreciate it.

Unfortunately, I am unable to rent any room out as I only have a 2 bedroom apt and my daughter has 1 room and I have the other. My dh name is still on the mortgage and I regret he will have to be involved if I end up selling, something I am not looking forward to as I have insisted on no contact and have not seen or spoken to him since early September.

I know many people are going to the banks for support, most I believe are being quite helpful so good luck for tomorrow and please let me know how you get on.

My bank is not aware that my dh and I are separated even though its 15 months ago. Not sure how they will view this if I have to ask for assistance. I have been ok paying without any problem until now, as you know, other jobs are not easy to come by. You may well be aware of the minefield it is if you want to sell your property and this scares me as I do not know what documents are required or about the taxes paid when a property is sold. I really don't want to leave and shall try everything I can to stay put. I am just so angry that because of him and his selfish actions, mine and my daughters security is jeopordised yet again.

I have read your post Pete, my goodness it is very complicated and I feel for you I really do but you will get some fantastic support and advice from the wiki peeps on here. I have been lurking for some months but finally plucked up courage to tell my story.

Good luck Pete, not sure what to say to you but let me know how you get on with the bank, at least that will be one less problem for you to worry about.

Genie

hi g,
do you know your bank manager well? usualy the banks are more personal here, my bank manager knows whats been going on, as i think all the town does it is like that here:) i would let you bank manager know whats happening, i am sure he or she will be understanding, will let you know how i get on tomorrow.
wish i had found this site earlier:)
as it has not been easy this last while, as i am the only brit in the town, and have no family here, do you have much support there apart from you daughter?

Hi Pete thanks for your reply.

I don't know my bank manager at all, the only dealings I have ever had was when we moved here 7 years ago and they dealt with the mortgage and the notary. Sounds like your in a more remote part of Spain than I am. I'm not far from Alicante. I have some friends and a married couple in particular who live above me, they were friends when I was with DH. Needless to say they don't have a very high regard for him after his shannanigans.

It must be very difficult for you havin nobody to talk your problems through. Keep on here though Pete and let us know how you progress {and you will}. I am well and truly over my DH. Now I just want well rid of him once and for all....I deserve better and so do you Pete. You will get there, its such a mess I know especially when young children are involved. Take baby steps, its rough ride thats for sure, I am coming out the other side emotionally but even after all this time, it still has a habit of biting you on the bum.

For me, I just want my security with regards the house or where ever I end up, this is more important for me.

Good Luck Pete, my thoughts are with you.

Hi Gen,

I understand how you feel about the insecurity. Getting over the emotional stuff is bad enough, but you don't need any extra stress of a home for you and your daughter.

Life should not feel like a constant battle for survival.

I really do hope this man is out of your life for good now (20 years is a long time to be married) so you can make a new life for the two of you. Its great that you can contact other wikians in spain.

Keep posting,

Debs x ((( GEN )))

Thanks for your kind words Debs. It really does help to talk about your worries.

For sure this horrible man is out of my life. I've done all the crying and missing him and because I did no contact, this has been the best thing of all because he wanted to stay friends with me. I just want it done legally then I dont have to ever have anything to do with him again.

Your right what you say, life shouldn't be a battle to survive and thats exactly where I am at the moment. When I lived in the UK I have always worked and had my own house, never have I had to have anything from the social system at all and yet I find myself potentially going down that route. It makes me sick that he thinks its perfectly acceptable to bugger off when the fancy takes him and not once think of the consequences. There is so much more I could tell you about this evil git but it makes my blood boil so won't go there. Whats worse, he thinks and everybody else who doesn't know him that he his the blue eyed innococent little good boy in all of this when really he has no core morals or conciencse......that combination to me is the evilest of all.

Oh well, I shall plod on and try not too lose too much sleep. Shall probably have to pluck up the courage to see the bank manager, if he cannot help me, then I will have no alternative but to return to the uk and hope that I will receive some kind of help until my daughter and I find work.

Thanks again x

hi G,
saw the bank manager today, feel a bit happier now:)
he says my mortgage will drop by 80 euros next month, he also says when we go to court she will be made liable to pay for half the mortgage, so he advises that i continue paying the mortgage in full untill then, and the court will take this into consideration, that i am the one being responsible, the problem though is at the moment i am earning around 1000 euros a month, but paying out 2000 on mortgage and rent and other bills, that cant continue for long as my savings are nearly gone:(
i would advice you to see your bank manager asap, the other option he gave me is to extend the mortgage by another 10 years, this would reduce the mortgage a bit more, maybe this would be good for you untill you are on your feet again?

Hi Pete, thank you so much for letting me know how you got on at the bank. I am glad you feel a little better havin been there:)

May I ask you what documents did you have to take with you? Somebody mentioned that they need wage slips which is a problem as I did not have a contract with my company and therefore cannot prove that income although it doesn't matter now coz I don't work there anymore. I can however prove that I currently recieve my DH pension every month, do you think this would be ok or am I on a non starter straight away?

At least you have made a start and its good to know that you are not completely responsible for the mortgage. Your DW wants to start taking some of her own responsibilities although if she is anything like my DH, that word is not part of their volcabulary!

Its still very worrying for you if your savings are takin a good hiding though, as you know, they won't last forever. Does your DW have any income at all? Could she not make any contribution to the mortgage?

Anyway, I hope you have had a better day emotionally. Its such a worry when you are trying to deal with it alone. I woke this morning at about 6.30 thought I was going to go into panic mode thinking about it all, had to put my breathing exercises into practice then I was reasonbly ok. I don't know about you but I am just sick of it going round in my head all the time. I think I will see my bank manager as suggested. Tell me, was he sympathetic with you or were you made to feel useless?

Thanks again Pete, I am thinking of you.
G