Newbie and in a mess

hi G,
did not take any documents, as i know the manager well, and he knows whats been going on, and they dont want to have to take the house so they will help if they can, dont be scared they dont bite, and you have nothing to lose by finding out what can be done.
saw my son today only to see when i returned him, her arriving from the airport with another male friend as she calls him from bulgaria, will go into it another day but at the moment dont want to think about it, the thing is he was driving my car, what makes me mad, especialy as the car is not insured, and i have told the police this, and they do nothing, so now i will have another sleepless night worrying about my son, and the effect it has on him, that another strange man is in my house, the second this year, tonight my son blue out a candle and made a wish , he then whispered to me that his wish was that i was living in the house with him and his mum:(
then 30 min later he goes home to find another man in the house. cant believe she can do this to him:(

Hi Pete. Thank you so much for your help. I shall make arrangements to see the bank manager, as you say, I have nothing to lose I just hate dealing with anything financial, for some reason it scares the living daylights out to me. I think its a fear of rejection, I don't know but thank you so much and I am glad you have that side of your mess sorted.

Its a pity its not the same for you DW. I cannot imagine how you must be feeling to see her with yet another man and then for your poor son to see these strangers, no wonder the lad is scared and mixed up. What are her plans now then Pete? Does she still intend to move to Bulgaria or is she staying in your house until she decides? She really has no feelings for anybody but herself does she? How on earth can she disappear for 10 weeks, leave both kids with you and then expect to turn their lives upside down flitting from one country to another. Is it not enough for her that you are both going through a divorce and that the children need to adjust to their parents not being together let alone anything else!!

If I understand it correctly, are you living in rented accommodation whilst she lives in the house with all and sundry? What will happen if she does move to Bulgaria with regard your son {I know you have a stepson as well} will you have access to seeing them? and how will this work if she intends moving so far away.

Goodness Pete, this is really a nightmare. I feel for you I really do and the poor children. I reckon this woman has lost her marbles!!

I don't what else to say Pete. I would try and stay on friendly terms with her coz you don't know what her next moves are going to be. Try and have as much time as possible with your son. Reassure him that you love him and will always be there.

Stay on here as well, there will be others who will help with there experiences.

Once again Pete, thanks for your help, I really appreciate it.

Take care
G

hi G,
yeh i am renting at the moment, she is living in the house we own in joint names, but she has 2 houses in bulgaria, or i could say we have 2 houses in bulgaria, as if she wants to make a claim on my house here i think i have a right to make a claim on the houses there! but i have a feeling that she had been planning this for a long time, and has had the houses bought in other names, she has not only left the kids for 10 weeks, that was in january, but she left again in april for 3 weeks with the money i gave her and bought a house in bg, then she returned wanting more money, i gave her more, she then left in june with her son by previos, and i stayed with our son, she came back after 4 months, and reported me to the police that i was shouting at her, which was a lie, but seemingly this is what women do here in spain, it is a law called mal tratos, i am sure you have heard of it it is always on the news here, but when i went to court and they found out that she had only just returned from bulgaria, and the things she was saying in court where not adding up, the judge luckily could see she was lying, but in the meantime i am out the house, realy it all comes down to she wants me to let her take my son to bulgaria, but i wont let her, so she intends on making sure she ruins my life in what ever way she can.
i want the court to speak to my son, i dont know if he is old enough? but i know if maybe a social worker can speak to him privatly he will tell them what he realy wants.
the thing is i also have another 2 kids and she never bothers with them, i have been real stupid in the past, we met when she came to work for me as an aupair, as i was a single parent, and i worked in england, i am from scotland, and had no friends or family there to help, i have never signed on even though i was on my own with my kids, i had a good job, with a huge house in england that my employers paid for, and my own house in scotland that was rented out, i had a great life with me and my kids, but i suppose i was lonely as my life revolved around my kids, i feel now she took advantage of this, as soon as we where married she changed towards my kids, and never had the time for them, and i am sorry now that i never listened more to them, as they always never trusted her:(
anyway it looks like i will lose everything, and she will walk away with 3 houses, and maybe our son, not bad for a poor baby sitter from bulgaria, i feel like such a fool:(

Hi Pete. Regrets, regrets, regrets......I too have so many of them. Please don't beat yourself up about this, how were you to know that she would change so much. She's not stupid though is she?

It really is a dreadful thought that you could lose everything and it doesn't help because all properties are in different countries and I certainly would not know where to start legally.

I guess the main thing in all of this are the children and there welfare. I read your first post about the house in Bulgaria she was going to take them both to. Sounds ridiculous that she could even consider taking them somewhere that is clearly not habitable. It seems to me that she is not thinking about them at all. If she takes them, not only will they have to adjust to a new country but learn to speak the language. What is she hoping to achieve by all this?

I would have thought as you mentioned that you would and should have some claim on those properties just has she has a claim on your Spanish home. I think its dreadful that your son may have to go to court, I cannot imagine how you must feel about this. What do you think your chances are of having custody of your son? Surely she cannot have it all her own way!?

Where are your other 2 children now? Do you still see them and do they have any contact with your youngest son? If so, maybe this will be in your favour that the child stays with you.

I don't know Pete, it really is a dreadful situation for you, makes mine sound so trivial. It certainly sounds like she knew what she was doing when she got emotionally involved with you. I cannot understand why anybody would want to ruin anybodys life as she wants to....she should be careful, it may very well be her own!!

I feel for you I really do. Don't what else to say but keep us informed on here. Start a new thread if you like and see if anybody else can offer any advice. We have all been through the wringer and know how unfair it all seems. Take each day at a time, fight for that lovely lad of yours, he deserved a better mother than the one he has thats for sure!!

Good luck hun, stay in touch.

G