love of my life gone

I am nearly 51 & have been married for twenty years. I have two sons aged 13 & 16 my wife who is 41 has just left me for another man, she told me I did not pay her enough attention & was to busy with my hobbies (cars) & did nothing with her. She left after meeting this guy after six weeks that was the beginning of December.

We agreed that if one of us was struggling we would say so, I trusted her to tell me if it was going wrong (call me gullible I know) because I knew we were having problems, but she couldn’t do it & quickly found someone else. This has left me in a terrible state, shocked, frightened & scared of the future (is there one?) I have lost what I considered the love of my life.

We went through a sticky patch nine years ago & came through it. This time it really is over & I never saw it coming. She was working full time in a new job & I thought she was happy, little did I know she was looking for someone else. I am in the house with my two boys trying to keep things going cooking cleaning etc & working shifts.

She now has a new life with no ties, saying she was always tired at home, wants a divorce as quickly as possible, has it all worked out. I have tried to talk with her about moving forward but just get so emotional I can not think straight. She wants me to buy her share of the house but this will leave me with almost nothing. I’m just trying to keep a roof over the boy’s heads, but I’m sure she will ask the younger one to move in with her when she has found a place to stay.

At nearly 51, after the divorce I can see me left with no money, pension, or any chance of finding someone new.

Hi

Sorry to hear what has happened. I know how difficult it is as your story is so similar to mine. I found out about my wife's affair 18 months ago whilst on a family holiday. After months of trying to fix things she moved out about a year ago and has been renting a place nearby. The marital home needs to be sold but we agreed (although she now says she didn't) we would not sell it till our son does his GCSEs this summer.

If you are still in the marital home caring for the children then stay there in the first instance to give the children some stability. Do not make any quick decisions about buying her out. There is no rush.

If you find that being in the house is hard due to memories these can be reduced by simple things like moving furniture round, changing pictures etc.

If you want to chat feel free to PM me as I know when I was in a very dark place last year I needed someone to talk to.

All the best

Steve

Hi and Welcome to Wiki.

This is definitely a good place to be when going through this hard time.
Im sorry that you are going through this. I have to say that me and my ex did same a similar issue - him not paying me much attention and yes it was due to his car hobby... anyway..that was not the reason why we got divorced.

Right now what u need to think about is you and your kids. And as emotions will be running high at the minute, i would suggest as well to not make any rush decisions!

divorce is a big roller coaster ride, with alot of scary turns, but please know that this place offers alot of support, and in time things will get better.

take care of yourself and the kids and be kind to urself. Tormenting urself with guilt is not productive at all

good luck
claudette

(((u)))
We are here with you through this emotional rollercoaster. Keep talking to us; we understand your pain only too well. Look after yourself.
x

Soz to here about your grief and situation. Mine left last week and as you will find peeps on here are mostly all in the same position re heartbreak, financial stuff to sort, ups and downs etc.

I wld go with the advice given re no rash decisions, your head won't be clear enough for that yet. It's gonna be a long journey but there is hope at the end. In the meantime, stick around as this is a fantastic site with lovely supportive people.

Pop into the chat room, I've never done chat before here but it honestly is a good place to spend time no matter how you're feeling. Take care

x

Sorry to hear about your situation. My husband left me in September 2008 saying a similar thing. I was busy working, looking after the home and children then 'wham' he met someone in June and was gone 3 months after. It's difficult being in the marital home with all the memories, but I've decorated a few rooms and changed things which does help. I've also been asked to buy him out and at 50 I'm dreading a large re-mortgage and I'm not rushing into any decisions whilst on this emotional roller-coaster. I came back from a run tonight and just burst into tears again!! Using this site for just a short while has helped me to realise that a lot of people lose the love of their life but manage to keep going and get stronger - you will too. Just be easy on yourself and keep doing a brilliant job of caring for your sons. Take care and use all the support offered. Lynn.

I'm sorry to hear your situation - I am not sure what is worse the pain or the shock but most of us have been there - this site is really helpful and any time you feel rock bottom come on and chat - it really helps.
I have to agree with everyone else - don't make any rash decisions - do not be pushed into anything either - my husband left me for another woman and it didn't last! He has someone else now but his life is full of problems - I am moving on (this is years now) - i still get upset sometimes but time truely is a great healer and my children (same age as yours) have kept me going. Try to be strong for them but if they see you cry - don't feel guilty.
You are providing them with a home and she left so I think you have more rights than her at the moment (only going by what my solicitor told me as my ex left of his own accord) - our house is on the market now as he is in a lot of debt and needs the money - not good timing with my eldest about to take exams! You never know she may realise she has made a mistake if she has not known this guy long - could be a mid life crisis.
We are here for you.
Hugs