Hi I am new and need someone to talk to

Hi I'm going through a divorce and it is very scary. I'm hurt, angry, depressed and confused.
Two years ago I slipped up and slept with another man. I know what I did was wrong, but at that time I felt very insecure and threatened because my husband was talking to other women and sending swapping pics. He has never crossed that line but I did. I found out that I was pregnant and wasn't sure who the father was. I told my husband and of course he didn't know what to say or do. We separated for a few weeks. Eventually we were assured that the child was 99% his and got back together. I miscarried. We decided to close that chapter of our lives and begin fresh. It was really good for a few months until he started to remember all the hurt and the pain. We separated for a few weeks and found out I was pregnant and this time it definately was his. The months through the pregnancy was great, we were smiling and happy. I thought we had finally moved on from all the pain and the hurt. But I was wrong. Only a few weeks I was due he told me he felt something was missing and he felt he needed to find himself again. I felt abandoned and felt very alone. He says he still loves me and a part of him still wants us to work out but he also said that he wants a fresh start and doesn't feel he can do that with me. I'm trying to accept we've ended but I am also really hoping he will want to try to work things out. I am so depressed and feel so alone. I can't understand why he would want this and leave me, when we were so happy. He said he forgave me but I think he hasn't. I feel I can't live my life without him. I feel like I have no purpose in my life. Even though I have my beautiful baby, I always get reminded of what we could of have and the plans, the dreams we had.

It hurts so much! I'm so sorry!

I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone now you've contacted this site.

It's early yet and I know people will be replying to your thread asap.

Don't beat yourself up about what you did. We all mistakes and by the looks of things he wasn't behaving appropriately at the time.

Look after yourself and the baby. That's whats important right now.

Sorry but can't say any more now as getting ready for work.

Take care.

L.i.B

Leah, Hi, its a bad and sad time in your life.
Firstly did you get any professional help? maybe its not too late. Talk to him and tell him you really want to erase that part of your life.
I know you try to see things from his point of view, but you have to understand that it was a very damaging set of emotions which maybe he is unable to extinguish.
I have to say being a man if my wife had ever slept with another man, when I was with her I would never have been able to forget that someone else had been there.

So try to get help, if it fails can you stay together for 6 months or so until you are more on your feet this would help i think, leaving any woman whilst she is pregnant or with a new baby is terrible.

Have you talked to him about the plans and dreams you have, use this in counseling to actually do one of them now maybe?

Leah,
I am sorry to hear your story and hope that you are doing OK - everything seems so much worse in those sleep deprived early days of having a baby. You are not alone - my husband left me a few months ago and I found out a week later that I'm pregnant with our third. I have no idea how I'll cope and am terrified. Give yourself space and time - if he's willing to go to counselling, it is worth a try but if not, you have all the support you need here. I didn't know how I would manage those first few days and I am still struggling with it all, but it is better than it was and I am getting stronger. You will get all the advice, support and shoulders to cry on that you need on here - everyone in a similar position, at different stages of the process, and someone always to chat to and listen. Please send me a message if there is anything I can do to help. Take a little time to take care of yourself. Liz x

Leah

It must be so difficult for you with a new baby. Maybe your husband just needs time to heal from your adultery it must have been very difficult for him especially having to deal with the fact that you were pregnant and having to find out if the baby was his or not. Maybe he just needs a bit of space to come to terms with everything that has happened. You should try and be supportive of his decision and let him know that you understand what he is going through. Maybe in time he will be able to start afresh with you and the new baby.

In the meantime your at the right place for support wiki is a wonderful place.

Look After Yourself and Your Baby and be patient with your husband.

JJ x

Hi Leah. Welcolm to wiki. Usualy I give cheats a hard time but I must be mellowing. My ex cheated on me and so on. Long story wont bore you like its boring me.

I can talk from your husbands side and what thats like. The hurt and feelings of betrayal is has to be felt to be believed. You feel like your guts have been ripped out. Its imposible to sweep under the carpet as you have found out and all you are doing is papering over the cracks.

What he did was wrong. But 2 wrongs dont make a right. All I can say is that you learn from this. You would have been better putting a stop to this picture sending situation then going out and have an affair. But people are not machines and we dont always do the right things. But next time you will be wiser right? Let this man go. Look after yr baby. Be a good mum. In time you will recover. Best ones, C

Welcome to Wiki

Sounds like you're having a hard time of it..on the plus side unlike many cheats you see where you went wrong and you've done all you could to correct the mistake...also your husband was hardly white than white so don't beat yourself up.

You've had massive amounts to deal with, losing the baby, having a baby..all so difficult, hormones and emotions everywhere

Give him space and maybe suggest the counselling route, you both messed up but the damage isn't irrepairable..

Hold on to the fact you have a beautiful baby and a future with baby if not with husband.

Good luck and we're all here to support you anyway we can

Puds xx