Dont make same mistake I did

Think this feels bit like therapy on here so am gonna let you all know how stupid I was. Split from fiance in early 2006 when discovered he he was pathological liar and was also stealing his parents money to fund his lifestyle. When we split he stalked me for months, police could do nothing as they had to catch him in the act!! He was always in my garden in middle of night, cut tv aerial, tried to set shed on fire, he even took screws out of my decking in the garden. Eventually he was caught after police pt cameras in to monitor garden but by that time I was a gibbering idiot scared to go out of house. Lost job cos worked for him so went back to college to take pc course. Then discovered internet. Met guy in chatroom 1 night and we talked for 29 hours straight. He was in australia. We talked every day and night for hours for about 3 weeks then he said he was flying over to meet me and my son. Sure enough he arrived and we got on like known hom for ever. He stayed for 3 months then went back home Dec 06. He wanted us to go with him but felt it was too big step. Before he left he bought return tickets for both of us and once he was home we went back to talking for hours every day. Missed him like crazy so in jan 07 we went out for 3 wk holiday.But we never came back. We got married 1st march and exactly 1 week later I knew I had made the biggest mistake of my life cos he wasn't the guy I fell for. Had initially kept rentig my place in uk but he fell out with landlady who was a solicitor when she phoned to say rent was late. He phoned her in temper(he had terrible temper) and threatened to kill her so my lease was terminated pretty damn quick. Furniture was supposed to be shipped out or put in storage and he was arranging it all but he sold it for peanuts to house clearance firm. Parents were livid and vowed never to talk to me again. Still loved him but was now scared of him and always worried about setting him off which was very easy. Then sis contacted me to say dad was ill and theyd found a lump. He was diagnosed with cancer in april and was dead by june. Wasnt allowed home for the funeral even though had return tickets and by this time I had no money left and was dependant on hubby. Day of dads funeral was the day we moved into our new house. July 07 he stopped smoking and was in foul mood for days,shut himself in bedrrom for days and i just got sworn at. Was watching dvd with son one night and xxx gone to bed in another bad mood. When went to bed was accused of having sex with my son and was kicked out of the bedroom. Slept in sons room for 3 weeks. Then he had mate come to stay so it was darling this and that and I want you back in my bed cos I love you but didnt fall for it. Got hold of sis via email and got her to arrange flights for us and we did runner in middle of night and flew home. Think cos coming back all happened so fast and was all such a mess that when he contacd me to try again I fell for it all and I flew back. Son refused to come but stayed with mymum. When got off plane took 1 look at him and thought big mistake. He was drunk, on valium and very angry but after few days we seemed to be ok. Obviously he never trusted me again after that cos was barely ever out of his sight. I tried to be what he wanted cos I loved him but he didnt seem to know what he wanted, I was supposed to be the strong one or the simpering bimbo depending on his mood and which ever one I was it was always wrong. I am 5ft and 7 stone but I was told continually I was fat!! I couldn't do anything right until eventually I had no confidence left. I went everywhere with him, if I went to a friends house ( I only had 2 out there cos was never out to meet anyone) I had to say how long I would be and if I was any longer he was on the phone or at her door. For the past year we slept in diff rooms-he slept with his parrot in bed with him. He constantly moaned at me for not working but when I managed to get an interview he would refuse to take me. I had no money for public transport, wasn't allowed to use the car, my mobile was taken off me, I wasn't allowed to use the computer or the phone which he now denies by the way. For 15 months I haven't spoken to my son or my family and only had intermittent contact when I could get to my friends to use her computer. He even made me ask for permission to use the loo and if I wouldn't ask him he would twist my arm up my back and make me stay like that till I gave in. That I could handle but it was the isolation and the constant criticism and put downs that wore me down. Every time we argued he would take away the coffee or toiletries or my hairdryer and lock them in the boot of the car till I promised to behave and respect him!! Went to police eventually as was on verge of breakdown and they arrested him and got him to buy me ticket back to uk. Naturally he agreed cos once i was out of the country then all charges were dropped. So now am abck in uk with nothing. My family want nothing to do with me cos I went back to him, my son walks past me in the street as if I dont exist. My sis is letting me stay with her for now but the rest of my family blame me for killing my dad!.I have a suitcase full of summer clothes to my name and that is it. I cant even open a bank account back here as I need utility bills with name and address on it which dont have. I just feel like disappearing off the face of the earth as some days its to hard to even think about let alone try and figure a way out. I dont know where to turn. Thats the watered down version but I want everyone to beware of internet dating as I found out the hard way.He has ruined my life and I have lost everything and he doesnt give a shit.

Hi Tango

He may have tried to ruin your life but you are free of him now. You can repair relationships that have been scarred.

You have the support of your sister and are in a better place now.

Teenagers can be very difficult at the best of times. Your parents may be frightened that you may take your son away from them and to Ausralia again and that may be affecting their judgement.

I think your post is very honest and it is clear that you are glad that episode of your life is over. Simply printing out that post and sending it to your family and son may help.

Your situation will improve and am sure your son will come round. A bad thing happened but you can find the strength to overcome that and to learn from what happened.

Fade x

That's awful. I'm never dating again. Period.

((((((u)))))))) Your post has made me cry. I know what you went through and how easily they can tempt you back into a world of terror and isolation. Please remember that it is NOT your fault. I struggle remembering that some days but we have to fight on. I have lost friends and some family members because of my marriage to my stbx. My mother has terminal cancer and even though we are now in contact it is still very strained. My sisters ignore me. My family live in Ireland. My father does speak to me and even though we have locked horns throughout my life at least now he is being supportive but he does not know the full story. But they live abroad. I feel so isolated. Wiki is my support system. I read the posts, blogs, write a few of my own and go into chat. Sometimes it helps ease the loneliness. I understand the pain of loving someone who takes your self confidence and stamps on it. You are not alone. Look after youself. Be kind to yourself. You so deserve it!!!
You are a brave woman and I really admire you. Keep fighting girl!
My best wishes hun,
x

What a nightmare - especially losing your son!! I dont know how you bear that. My thoughts may (or may not) help.....

My STBX hurt his kids terribly, putting first drink before them then another woman before them and they wont forgive him because he is not 'sorry' (long story). He never says sorry, just says he loves them and acts like time will make it okay - it wont - for them. They have refuse to see him for over 15 months now. The other woman in his life is a bloody nightmare - she keeps telling him "they'll come round" and giving him terrible advice (I can tell cos the words are not his.) Thing is she does not know the kids and the history of the STBX (they met on the internet). The children wont/cant simply ignore the pain he has caused them - he has to make it different. He has to say sorry until they forgive him.

Please let your son know how bad you feel cos I don't think that time will heal his pain - only you can do that (I may be wrong of course). So honey, let your son know what a fool you have been, how sorry you are, etc. ... write him a letter explaining your mistakes and how you acknowledge them and are really sorry...

If that doesn't work, keep trying..show him how much he means to you and don't stop showing him. Keep trying until he can see how sorry you are that you went back without him.
Take care
Prof xx

Hiya,
Thanks for mssge. I know most of the time that I'm better off now its just that sometimes lately it seems that no matter how hard I try to keep going you dont get anywhere. Right now I dont feel any different than when I was with him cos still walking on eggshells and trying to stay out of the road as much as possible. I know there are people in worse situations but dunno just having a bad day I guess. Found my wedding pics on facebook and that set me off cos I ripped mine up in a fit of temper. Seeing the way he looked at me in them I just cant get my head round how someone could change so drastically in such a short space of time. Think I'm just having a bad day. Also so much has been said by family when I've been away that now very few people will even talk to me so he got what he wanted and has totally isolated me from everyone. Know will feel better 2moro but right now just dont see the point which is silly as I have found a job so thats a step in the right direction I just need to tell myself that often enough. But from being with him 24hrs a day every day cos he worked from home to suddenly being alone and with no one to talk to at all is very hard. TV or music doesnt interest me at all cos so many things remind me of him and all I seem to do is walk from room to room staring out the window whilst I constantly tell myself to get a grip but its not working right now. Sorry for being pain will stop now honest.
Thanks

Thanks for mssge smurfy,
Dont know what is the matter with me right now. I start a new job soon so thats the first step to getting my life back so I should be happy and I dont really know why I'm not. I've gone from being with him 24hrs a day ( he worked from home)to being totally alone and I don't know what to do with myself. Can't seem to settle to do anything.Nothing interests me at all and its making me angry with myself. Guess its just a bad day but weekends are always worse for some reason. Hope you are okay and thanks again for kind words.