Dont make same mistake I did

Hi Tango - Thank you for sharing your story. My heart goes out to you. Well done for having the courage and inner strength to get away from him. You ARE strong, you are here and he is in Australia. Please try to focus on you and don't worry about the damaged relationships in your family for now. You are right, you have a new job to look forward to and every day that passes moves you one step closer to being who you want to be.

Please be gentle with yourself. You were at the mercy of a control freak that you loved. The way he treated you has knocked your confidence and it will take as long as it takes for you to rebuild it. But you ARE getting there!

Keep going. Take care, Bon

Hi Bon,
Thanks for kind words.
I know it takes time and it will get better but I just never expected it to be this hard either. I think a marriage being over is hard enough to deal with on its own. That I will come to terms with eventuallt yos I know deep down that its right for me and also I now know that he never really loved me either, dunno what his reasons were for getting married but love on his part certainly had nothing to do with it that I'm sure of now.Its the rest of it I'm struggling to cope with. Been back here 2 months and have been fighting every day with dss, housing people, govt departments-i left him 6 months after we were married after he assaulted me and flew home to uk but was told as I had australian visa it was australian problem and I had to sort it out from that end. I had to contact my husband who I had run away from in the middle of the night and plead with him to take me back. Needless to say when he did my life was hell from that point on. Having done same again I had to contact my local mp and immigration lawyers once I was back as the dss was still saying the same thing and that it was up to my husband to support me as they classed it as a geographical seperation!! I had to contact solicitors to contact the dss to say they couldn't force me to go back to someone who abused me and they said I was a refugee!!!! This has dragged on for weeks and the only good thing is now I have found a job on my own I don#t need there help. But it wears you down cos you#re constantly battling people and I'm tired of fighting all the time. I'm fed up of people wanting to talk to me only because they want the gory details then getting huffy cos I wont oblige.Just ignore me as in moaning mood. I know in a few months I'll be in a better place once I find somewhere to live cos then it will feel better. At the min I'm still living out of a suitcase which is fun!!!!

Thanks
One day at a time is my first words every morning at min to keep reminding myself. Would be easier too if other people didn't keep reminding me how guilty I should be feeling either cos then I start to wonder why I don't feel as guilty as they seem to think I should.I also keep getting told how lucky I am so they don't see why I should feel sad or emotional- according to friends I should be happy I'm home so whats the problem!! Anyway enough of that new job 2moro so concentrating on that and nothing else for min. Even stopped smoking today- havent had a cig all day and have drastically cut down on coffee too- although no guarantees how long it will last. Prob after few days I'll be biting my nails instead!!

Take care
Cat

Hiya,
I will keep trying to get through to him. The only contact I have had so far is he sent me a text saying never texr me again and I never want to see you or hear from you again EVER so that really hurt a lot. I spend hours looking at pics of him cos its all I've got and I hate my ex even more for that than all the abuse he could ever dish out cos thats the one pain that never goes away and its tearing me apart

Hi Cat,

Hope the first day goes well for you. Good luck.

I understand how hard it is when our children are hurting so much and they turn this on the weaker party. Focus for now on you. Try to let go of the pain and anger....not easy I know, but as you grow stronger you will find ways to manage this intolerable pain better. When I felt as you do right now, I never believed the day would come that I would be happy. I still have moments when I return to resentment of some of my past experiences but these are few and far between now. I couldnt believe that our sons would ever speak with me again. The damaging input continues today, however I am building bridges with 2 of them, only a recent development in my life. I am stronger and wiser from my experiences, and I will walk with you as you go through some of the scary places you have to pass through.

Take care

Elle x