Hi Wengen. Welcom back to the site...
wengen wrote:
On reflection I feel I can see where there were faults within my marriage.
There are faults in everything. Take a flower, a stone, a statue. No matter what it is, there is something wrong with it. Just like people. There is something wrong with all of us. We all have feet of clay..
And thats the beuety of something. The fault within it. The odd pettel of a flower. The strange graining of a stone. They make them unique and special. And its the same with people. We are special becuase we are unique and faulty.
I have a great mate. She is funny and moody and strange at times. I wouldnt want to be married to her. But I love her for what she is.
My point is... (I think I have aspergers) is that just becuase something has a fault, it doesnt mean that its bad or wrong. U have faults I am sure. And its those faults that yr partner loves about you. He may not say it. But its true. So dont go thinking that it was anything to do with fault. Nothing is perfect. Thankfuly so...
I did not make many decisions and my confidence and self esteem went vey low. We did have good times and I naively thought I would be in that relationship for ever, that my husband was the most trustworthy man out there who would never even contemplate having an affair!!!
A big lesson we learn (well 2 actualy) is that we never know anyone. And we cant trust anything of anyone totaly. If we do, we will always be disapointed becuase we all have feet of clay.
Remember those words. Forget them at yr persil. I mean peril soz.
The reason I write today is to pose the question to others if they still find they have unanswered questions about the demise of their marriage, why it happened etc
I know what happened in mine. She got bored. She was hitting 40 on the nose and she she was fed up with Mr Dependle. She wanted some road rage coach driving fat git that is shorter and rounder than me. Ok so I admit I dont know what she wants. But I dont care why she had the affair. All was sweet (it wasnt) and we were happy (I wasnt) and we had a 12 year honeymoon (if thats a honeymoon I will learn to duck a lot more often). Actualy it was crap. I shouldnt have stuck it out and I should have reported her to the old bill a lot more. And perhaps chucked her off chelsea bridge. But hey, lesson learned. In my next life I am planning coming back as a tank so I can run her over..
But what does it matter what happened? It happened. Its over. I know this sounds cruel and so on. But hey. You have a new life. No need to look over yr shoulder.
People say to me that my husband changed and wanted different things in life
I hear this a lot. He has changed. I dont recognise what I see or hear. I beleive we dont change. I beleive that we have a number of faces that we put on depending on the message we want to portray. He probably thought and did all sorts of things that you have no idea about.
and none of it was my fault but there is the voice inside me that will rear its ugly head at times and say to me he left you because you were boring and not fun enough.
And here we get to the rub. The heart of it all.
Most people dont leave someone or betray them becuase that there partner was boring or not fun. I am not fun. But I have mates and they think I am a laugh. But deep down inside, I am boring. I think. Safe to say that life and soul, I am not. But that dont matter. I think boring is cool. And it depends on who you are connecting with on what level.
People cheat on someone becuase they are searching for something. That something that you cant or dont provide. Thats not a slight on you. Its just the way it is. Often, they cheat serial stylee. They have many partners and they die alone old and haggard. And there dying thought is that the one thing they were looking for, they had in the palm of there hand. And they lost it. They are a day late and doller short are cheaters. Yr well rid Gal.
He left me for another woman who he told me had "sparkle" (he by the way is not with her anymore) however the demise of my marriage just poses questions about me and who I am
Its actualy his loss. I suspect that yr solid gold. He didnt recognise that and thats his fault. He went chasing some dream that actualy wasnt that sparkly. In the meantime you have found love and met someone that does recognise solid gold when he see's it.
I wonder why out of all my friends I was unable to sustain a marriage and all my hopes and dreams did not come to fruition.
Yr making it sound like failure. Yr comparing apples with oranges and that wont work. Divorce isnt failure. Its change. It wasnt right and it wasnt meant to last. The change happened so that you could have a better life. This is the life that yr in now.
Just cos yr mates are made up doesnt mean anything to you. No one can see what happens inside a marriage. You dont know that yr mates are all made up. People used to think that me and my sado of an ex were perfect and were amazed that we had split. Thing is that no one could see that it was all a sham.
Bottom line Marshy stylee. I have gone on way to long again. You have a new life. Yr divorce came about becuase this marriage that you had wasnt meant to last. U were destined to meet this new man. Yr ex is doomed to wander the four corners of the earth looking for his "Sparklers" and you dont need sparkle. Cos U are the real thing hun. Ok? Now get on with yr life and stop looking over that shoulder. C.
