How do they manage to do it ?

Morning all,

This is basically a rant,but if anyone cares to chip in with Why..I would appreciate it..

How can anyone just walk away and not give a toss about the family who loved and supported them.I really wish I knew the mentality of them.My job involves the brain and its workings,but I have yet come across anything that remotely resembles a good explanation.

My youngest birthday today,and we always done birthdays in a big was,because they were your special day,so she saw her father on Friday,a card with money(I would imagine)which he knows she will detest,yes she is an adult,but she still loves presents,her reasoning"She earns her own money",nevertheless he does not know what she would like now because he has not got a clue about her life.Also alongside this a few traumatic weeks with my eldest.Health has not been good,and honestly I have been really worried,she has no contact with Twonk,so I have told him about the issues..
Upshot of this,she has a scan on Friday to identify exactly what the problem is,and the subsequent treatment....
Twonk has text me last week,"Just keep me informed"...Hmmm,am I wrong but should he be the one to ask me to keep him informed,my reasoning is that he should be contacting me,and also sending a text to my daughter..

Please Wiki ''s tell me if I am wrong,lot''s of you know me,yes I can be headstrong,but I think rationally at times:) and if I am wrong just tell me,broad shoulders and all that...

Just how can anyone just walk away,and not feel anything anymore???

Okay rant over,back to the Hoover and transfer that anger into a positive ...
Afon xxxxxcwtchs

I am sorry I have no answer to your question but what my ex said to our daughter was and I quote " I am thinking of my own happiness and no one else''s" gives an insight into how selfish some people can be.
Looking back it was a theme throughout our marriage. He also has no idea about her life now but I feel in the long run people like this will be the losers.
I wish you and your daughter all the best with her current illness.

Feel for you, Im not sure we were`nt married to the same person. Was your ex a considerate person when you were together. I think i had rose coloured glasses. My ex saw facebook pics of our daughter after a very bad accident, being airlifted to hospital. He was off on one of his jaunts.He made no attempt to contact us, says we should have text him, he would have got back to us.She is now waiting for a very difficult operation but im sure he has forgotten already. Has`nt spoken to any of us in months.It must take a very detached person to walk away from their family without a second thought. My kids see him for what he is and its them that keep me grounded.Like I said to him, I have my family, friends and animals that love and care for me,I know he cant say the same. I hope your daughter makes a good recovery.keep hoovering and throwing out the rubbish.

(((hugs))). No answers here I''m afraid. Just a similar situation.
My oldest son was talking to my ex''s Mum and she asked him why his father (her son) had been the one to tell the rest of his brothers and sisters that ex had married OW and now had a new baby.
Son told her that he passed on the news because ex had no intention of telling his original family himself!
These people are pathetic and must live in a state of denial if they can ignore their original kids.
Hope your daughter is ok.

Afon,

Sorry to hear you''ve more bad news.

You remember how the subtleties of the female psyche pass right over my head??

Well. Sorry, but my reaction is:-

I think you''ve read wayy to much into that remark. I''d have said the same, thinking ( ) that I was doing the right thing.
Twonk has remembered her birthday, & asked to be kept in the loop about her health.
Not overwhelmingly ''intimate'', but he could have behaved lots worse.
If I''m not wrong, you can call upon him, if needs be?

I''m also clueless with gifts for girls
Are Hoovers this years must-have, then?

I''ll duck for cover now

xx

I''ve read your post and I''ll share where I got to with answering this type of question in my situation. Over to you on whether this sharing is helpful.

With the time that has passed for me has come a different perspective on my marriage and divorce. I think my ex did care in his own way, the reality is he hadn''t a clue on how to show it. He lacked empathy and was incapable of putting anyone else''s needs ahead of his own. He had poor empathy and relational ability. It felt to me like he didn''t care, like he went out of his way to be offensive and hurtful.

Being honest with myself, I compensated for years for this situation when we were together. I compensated for his limitations and over the years minimised, reframed and ignored all those times when he was less than he should have been in a marriage.

He was always the person he was and without me compensating, making allowances and doing the work of the relationship for both of us, the man he was came to the fore. He hadn''t changed, the reality was my own perception had shifted, I''d stopped projecting what I wanted to see and saw who he was really. A man who I think did care in his own way but was incapable of considering other people''s needs as at least equal to his own and a man who had limitations.

So to the point you made, no, I don''t think it''s about being wrong. Something has shifted in the dynamics here but is it to do with your ex no longer being able to rely on you to show him the way as it were with caring for others and his own poor empathy etc is showing now. Perhaps your ex does care in his own way. Perhaps he just really bad at being able to demonstrate that. Not everyone is relational in that sense.

Thank you all for your support and wise words.

Shoes,I really think that you have something there,he never done anything by himself(except have an affair:dry: )and things like that would be totally alien to him,but he will have to face his actions one day,and actually he unwittingly has played into my Eldest''s hands,she can justify that having no contact with him is the correct thing to do...Just so sad....

Once again.
Thank you ..
Afon Xx